Guest Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I have a friend who met a lovely lady. He cares about her quite a bit. He asked me how will he know when he falls in love. He is in his 30's, divorced and says he knows he never loved his wife. He has told me that he has never been in love before so he doesn't know what it's like..so how will he know with this new gal or whomever. I just told him when it happens you will know..I didn't know what to say..I did tell him about the lust, infactuation phase..and that love is many things that grow over time. He probably is worried he won't know when to say the words because he won't know if it's lust or love. Any suggestions?
Sonic_chaos Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 really hard as its different for everyone in my experiences and others ive spoke to recently. Personally ive not had many girlfriends but theres certian things you feel. Im generally a happy go lucky guy but when i had found someone i thought i loved, *ie had a major connection with, not just hobbies and such* it was like i was permently on a high. No one could get me down, not work, nothing. Unless really serious which that never happened. Everytime i thought of her, i felt sick inside, even thinking about driving to her house got me excited or worked up. And as soon as you walked away from her, you missed her already. Sad as fook i know but it different for everyone. Main answer is you cant tell him what he should be feeling as you say he will just know. It will just work out or it will just slot into place. Some just think "hang on, i think im in love" Some have it from Day one after meeting them, But thats normally Lust, until you know/feel different aqbout the person. Some times your heart gets it wrong, but its the chance thats gotta be took or it aint living your life to the fullest.
ronnieromance Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Generally, when you start making really bad decisions and justifying the unjustifyable. -R-
Walk Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I think infatuation is the euphoric high described by Sonic. And I suppose that's the beginning stages of love. But I think its far more complex than that. For me... its when you can see the flaws in the other person without wearing the rose colored glasses. It's not all tinted in the butterfly feeling, excitment at the start of relationships. Suddenly those flaws are clear. You see them, and instead of pulling back in astonishment (or worse, horror) you embrace them. You accept them. Here's a really bad anaology: You have a deformed dog, maybe it has a tumor on its side, or it's rubbed all the hair off its butt and has sores on its back. When you love it, you see all those imperfections... but you still want it in your life. You still want to care for it, make it happy, and give it the BEST possible life it can have. No matter the deformations or scabs. You want what is best for that dog and you are willing to put in the effort to ensure it is happy. Like I said, bad analogy, but that's kind of how I see love. Imperfections are there, flaws are there. You see the person as they are, for who they are, and you still want them beside you and still want to make them as happy as you can humanly do so. But that's a deeper kind of love, past infactuation and lust. You have to get past the chemical surge at the start in order to see the real person your dating. Or.. just tell him not to say the words I love you until after the 6th month. If he can say them after that, then he might mean them.
Walk Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Generally, when you start making really bad decisions and justifying the unjustifyable. OMG!! I laughed out loud!! Too true. Ha Ha Ha
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