London Girl Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I'll try and keep this email short and would value any advice: Ex dumped me in January 2006, could not give a valid reason. Tells me I'm his perfect girl but just has doubts. Between Jan-May 2006, we still met up, went out, slept together etc. We both initiated meeting up during this period. May 2006 - after he intiated meeting up and having a great day together, he calls me two days later to tell me he still has doubts about me and do not want to get back together again. During this time, he signs up on an internet dating site. I do no contact on him. This lasted two months. Then after two months, I call him to arrange to pick up some of my belongings from his house. July 2006 - I go round there to pick up my things. He offers me a drink, we chat (nothing heavy, just catching up conversation). He makes flirty comments with me which I ignore. We spent the whole afternoon together, cycling, going for lunch and generally having a great time. I tell him he looks well and he tells me I'm looking as gorgeous as ever. Later in the day, we sleep together (I know I shouldn't have!). After we slept together, he's still being affectionate towards me. As he has hurt me so many times before and I had hopes, I told him what happened was just sex. I tell him to take care of himself and I see him whenever. He tells me that he still thinks about our relationship but the problem is that he does not want to go back to how he was feeling when we dated (being unhappy and in turmoil over his feelings for me). He says he would like to see me perhaps the following week to go and watch a film together or something. He emails me today (we met up yesterday) to see whether I got home okay and we exchanged a few light-hearted flirty emails. We both get on really well, are both physically attracted to each other so I don't understand his problem. So Loveshack members, I am at a loss. I love this guy so much but I just don't know what to do. Should I be patient and don't pressurise him hoping he will come back to me or just cut him out of my life completely which I will find very hard. I just don't understand him!
Guest Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Are you still committed to him? If you keep having sex with him you're making it far too easy. He is likely over you, while you're still attached.
Author London Girl Posted July 17, 2006 Author Posted July 17, 2006 Yes I still feel committed to my ex. I've tried so hard to move on but just cannot. Everytime we meet since he broke up with me, we've enjoyed being together. All my friends keep saying not to sleep with him and that I'm making it easy for him but I find it hard to say no. I tried to be strong when I see him but then he becomes affectionate towards me, paying me compliments etc. I feel he has feelings there but scared of commitment. I just don't know what to do. I feel that if I don't pressure him and just enjoy each others company by having fun (he said that one of the reasons, he ended with me was because the fun had gone from the relationship and everything was intense) and laughter, it might make him come back to me. On the otherhand, I feel like I should do no contact with him and tell him not to contact me again but I'm so scared of losing him. I'm just so confused.
Heavenseventeen Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 He only calls when he wants sex, so you should listen to your friends. If I found it hard to resist, I would stop seeing him altogether- or at least stop disguising the fact that you both just want sex by going cycling, and acting like everything is okay. I don't get it. He was unhappy with you, but he wants to be with you, but he doesn't want to be with you, but he's happy with you. Confusing. You need to talk to him. Probably best to do it over the phone. He's the only one who can clear this confusion up.
Mollyanna Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 I have been through this. It has been over a year since the drama ended, but it still hurts when I think about it. You do NOT want to go down this road. It will tear you to pieces. The guy misses you. He cares about you, I am sure. He likes being with you. He likes how your attention and affection for him makes him feel. I think you know all of this. But none of these things mean that he wants to be with you long-term. If you call at the right time, he may be lonely and will let you into his life if nothing else is going on. But the minute he finds a new girl, who makes him feel all these things too - AND he doesn't have any bad memories with, he won't be around anymore. What he is doing is almost like using you, but he may not realize he is doing it. If you want to use him too and keep it casual, fun, and flirty, you can have a good time for a while. But don't expect it to blossom into a relationship. you are convenient and not a challenge and men crave the conquest and the excitement of the unknown. you are not wrong for feeling what you feel. I did it for way way too long. There are probably over a hundred posts of my anguish and torment over this subject on these boards. I am telling you what everyone told me and I was too foolish (or blinded) to see.
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