Guest Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I've been dating this guy for 3 mos and things were going great. We were taking it slow, trying to build a strong foundation. He took me home a month ago and I've met his entire family. All of his friends and family adore me. The only issue that we've had is that he is still in contact with his ex-girlfriend. They dated for 3 months before he broke up with her and started dating me. She took the breakup hard and so he felt bad for her & let her back into his life, supposedly as friends only. He told me that she was very negative and that all his friends/family hated her. I was fine with him being friends with her and even encouraged him to introduce us, so that hopefully we could all be friends. About 3 weeks ago, he went out of town for the weekend. He asked me to stay at his apt to take care of his dog. I didn't go "snooping" around, but did see some of her clothes hanging in his closet. They weren't hidden in the back...they were in plain view for anyone to see. I asked him about it and he told me that they were "left overs" and that he'd been meaning to call her to come get them. I told him I was going to trust him to take care of it and that I trusted him that nothing was going on. The following week, I went to his house. We were hanging out and I noticed that the clothes were still there, and that the articles of clothing were different than the last time. We were also sitting on his couch doing something on his computer. He opened his email inbox and I saw an email string from her that said, "Thanks for inviting me over last night. I had a wonderful time." I asked him about that and he told me that she came "to do laundry" at his house and that he wasn't even there. He was playing volleyball and he left the door open for her. That night, we went out with some friends. He started receiving text msgs. from her and proceeded to respond. I couldn't see what he was writing, but I could see her name on his screen. When I confronted him about it (because it was rude) he tried to make me believe it wasn't her. Finally, when he knew he was busted, he just apologized. The straw that broke everything was last Sunday...I had a hunch that she was at his house. I drove by @ 10PM and her car was there. All of the lights in his apt were off, except the light coming from the TV in his bedroom. I was devastated!! I told him the next day that I didn't want to see him anymore, but didn't give him any specifics as to what had happened. His response was "OK". Four days later, I sent him an email and told him why...about the drive-by, etc. He's still denying that there is anything going on and told me that I have no proof. Now he's telling me that he needs some space. I haven't contacted him since then. But, I am dying inside. I really, really like him and I feel that if we can get past this nonsense...then we'd be great together. How do I get him back and how do I get him to cut off all contact with his ex??
London Girl Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Sounds like if I'm being honest that he may not be over his ex even though he dumped her! Why? He still go her clothes, in contact with her etc. and then telling you he needs space. If he really wanted you, he would apologise, make amends and make things better but he rather have space! Personally, I know it will be hard but I would just leave him be and avoid contact with him altogether until he realises what he truly wants. Try and keep yourself busy - I know it is hard.
Heavenseventeen Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 You should move on now. He obviously cheated on you, now you need to take control and move on. By constantly calling him and being desperate like this, you're letting him be in control all over again. I wouldn't want to be with a "man" who couldn't be man enough to be honest with me and tell me when his feelings have changed- or he probably loved her from the beginning.
Recommended Posts