purspeed Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 What makes you so sure that I am going to take him back... I haven't yet!!! Because I can sense it. I have a gift. That's why I know that u will take him back.
The slayer Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Perhaps it's easier for some people to believe that someone can hit them - yet still have strong emotions for them. I'm not condoning that, I'm just saying that primitive fears of being betrayed and abandoned can sometimes outweigh the fear of violence. When someone cheats on you, they've shown ability and willingness to shut their relationship with you into a box marked "irrelevant" for the time it takes to bed someone else. There's an unappealing superficiality and lack of character about someone who can do that to a so-called significant other. It's hard to take a person who does that seriously. Hard to regain trust in them, to love them - and to view them as being worth the energy it would take to try. That's probably why cheating is a deal-breaker for so many people. I agree with your explaination here Lindya, but I also view violent and emotional abuse as a betrayal. A betrayal that to me threatens the core of love and respect in a more sinister way then taking someone else to bed. A betrayal that it is equally if not harder to genuinely regain trust after. It seems to me that people are usually inclined to search for a reason why their partner abuses them, and in many cases "understand" the reason and try and do something about it. This suggests to me that on the whole people are more willing/able to forgive a violent betrayal than a sexual betrayal. I suspect that this is a result of living in a society than sees violence as more acceptable than sex. You only have to compare the rating of films containing scenes of sex to those containing scenes of violence, or observe the amount of violence as opposed to sex depicted on tv to draw ths conclusion!
lindya Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I agree with your explaination here Lindya, but I also view violent and emotional abuse as a betrayal. A betrayal that to me threatens the core of love and respect in a more sinister way then taking someone else to bed. Yes - physical violence is certainly a betrayal. When it occurs, it makes you feel hateful, worthless and unloveable. Probably for that reason, I've often tended to gravitate to gentle guys who I feel safe with. Who aren't going to hurt me. The trouble is that gentle people can also - in their mild, non-violent manner - hurt you, and you're less likely to see it coming. At least if someone is going to hit me across the face, they'll give me some warning via their tone and their body language. They'll give me time to do what I need to do to stop myself from getting hurt - and 95% of the time I can talk them down when they're starting to lose it. I feel as if I have at least some level of control in those situations. Some ability to influence the outcome and avoid being a victim. The opportunity to walk away before things get worse and some long term damage is done. Cheats are different. Their form of betrayal is more like someone sneaking up behind you and planting a knife in your back. Their sneakiness and dishonesty makes you an unwitting victim of betrayal...often over a period of months or even years. Even if you have a gut feeling that something's going on, it's impossible to address without sounding paranoid and jealous. Essentially, the person places you in a position where lack of knowledge/evidence leaves you utterly powerless to deal with a very real threat to your most cherished relationship. That's the kind of treachery I'm most afraid of.
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