insomnie Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I have been with my boyfriend for two years and the sex we have is very vanilla. I'd like to try some new things with him - watching a porno together, role playing, etc. The way I see it, sex is like any other activity, only one you reserve for your partner...so why NOT make it as hot as possible. I've brought this up to him on several occasionas and he always says that "we'll try it," but when it comes down to it he never initiates anything. I want to start with the porno but I am afraid that if I just show up to his place with it he'll freak out, or, worse, shoot me down. To the guys: have any of you ever been opposed to your girlfriends spicing things up? Is there a bad way to approach it? Any advice?
Walk Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I'm not a guy, but in my experience I've never had a SO get upset when I inititated something different into our sex lives. I could see if it was something really kinky and you hadn't discussed it with the guy, maybe he'd be a little unnerved by the whole thing. But from your example, it doesn't sound like what you want to try is anything far from the "norm". When you talk to your bf about this, how does he act? Nervous? Upset? Or does he seem up for the experience, just doesn't seem to get around to it? If it's the latter of those questions then my vote is: Set up a time to go over to your bfs and bring the porn. Wear something provocative and have fun. Could be a few reasons he hasn't inititated these things. He may feel that by him setting it all up that if you became uncomfortable with it you might not feel you could say so. Or that he's worried how you would react, or feel. Even if you're saying you would like this, he might not be convinced you want it for you, and not for him.
jerbear Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 How about this, get a book on positions and let him pick out a few. Try those, it lets him choose and initiate. It may even help him build some confidence and curiosity. Good luck!
ronnieromance Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Don't ask him before hand. Just do it. There is nothing more flacid-inducing than talking about doing stuff. Just show up with the porno. If you want new positions, them flip your ass over and let him follow your lead during sex. But please, for the love of all that is irreverant and debauched, don't make him pick out new ways to f_ck you from a book like you're shopping for furniture. -R-
AwkwardMan Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 have any of you ever been opposed to your girlfriends spicing things up? I think anything short of bringing a dude over for a threesome will go over fine. Have fun!
Walk Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I think anything short of bringing a dude over for a threesome will go over fine. Have fun! :lmao: So true.
jerbear Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I think anything short of bringing a dude over for a threesome will go over fine. Have fun! Definately funny! Now only thing is some guys, a small few, would freak out on a threesome and not salute due to performance anxieties. :lmao:
electric_sheep Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I agree with Ronnie on this one ... it sort of takes the fun and spontenaiety out of it if you have to talk about it (or get permission) before hand. It makes things seem scripted and rehearsed. That's always been one of my problems with BDSM ... it seems like it sort of turns sex into a game, which is fine, but by doing so the natural/primal sex drive and lust seem to get dampened in the process (for me, anyway). I still tie my girlfriend up every once in a while regardless, as she really likes it. Anyway, on the other hand ... not all guys (or girls) are down with being down and out dirty. I don't think you should go all out at first, but start sort of slow, taking it easy. This is the approach I have to take with new girlfriends, as I have several fetishes/turn on's that seem slightly strange and dangerous to some people ... such as licking as*holes, school girl uniforms, getting peed on, etc ... So start slow and easy ... then one day you'll be able to pull out the butt plugs, cock rings, ass vibrators, and mouth gags and it won't give anyone a heart attack. p.s. I'm feeling kind of dirty and raunchy myself right now, so let me tell you about what I did with my gf the other day ... We have this spanking/punishment thing we get into some times, and I had her blindfolded and bent over this enormous pillow (I use it to raise her butt up in the air). After getting things nice and lubed up, I tried this new ass vibrator out with her, cranking it up to high, and had sex with her at the same time. She said the entire experience was wonderfully fullFILLing (okay, bad pun). Seriously, she enjoyed the feeling of being "full". I don't know, that probabaly makes more sense to you ladies than me. So, there's an idea for you. I bet your boyfriend wouldn't be opposed to that. Perhaps you could get him to stick a finger up your derriere first, or you could stick a digit up his. I realize I'm literally obsessed with my gf's ass, and not everybody here wants to hear about it. I just mention this because the ass seems to be a sadly ignored erogenous zone. I have let my gf take me in the ass too, btw, for which she used her Bend over Beginners strap on kit. I am all about sexual equality.
Author insomnie Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 Thanks for the replies guys! Electric sheep, your sex life makes me jealous. So yesterday I was going to rent a porno, but when I got to the rental place I chickened out. All the windows were painted black, a really dirty-looking guy was coming out, and I imagined myself in there, surrounded by thousands of videos with naked people on the covers... and I drove away. Next time I'm bringing a friend.
norajane Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Thanks for the replies guys! Electric sheep, your sex life makes me jealous. So yesterday I was going to rent a porno, but when I got to the rental place I chickened out. All the windows were painted black, a really dirty-looking guy was coming out, and I imagined myself in there, surrounded by thousands of videos with naked people on the covers... and I drove away. Next time I'm bringing a friend. Sweetie, you don't have to go to scary XXX place to get porn. Most local video stores (not the chains like Blockbuster, but the small shops) have an over-18 section in the back, curtained off so others in the store can't see the videos. If you're willing to buy one, there are also some respectable 'novelty' stores that sell vibes and lotions and candles that have a video section.
cubbbb Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 Just buy the porno online.. I haven't did that, but I'm sure they send it in a discreet box. Just go to a reputable playboy.com type of site. I wouldn't recommend getting some off the wall over the top porno. This could freak your boyfriend out. (and you too!) lol.. You'll be able to tell which things during the movie turn him on. Believe me, there are probably plenty of kinky things he would like to do, but is afraid you'll probably view him as a pervert when in most cases its quite normal. Stay away from any video selections that have the word "Zoo" or "Barnyard" in them! LMFAO
electric_sheep Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Oh man, as for renting pornos ... there are lots of online places that will rent them to you now. They are sort of like adult versions of Netflix. Some require memberships, some simply let you rent a movie at a time, no memberships required. Hold on ... bluedoor.com (no membership. I tried these guys, and liked them) http://www.bluedvd.com (also no membership) xrentdvd.com google around. Hey ... another idea ... that bluedoor place has lots of instructional videos. You may want to try some of those. They are kind of like porn, but also educational, and hence not as controversial. They also encourage the viewers to participate.
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