Confuzzled85 Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I recently broke up with my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago, I was devestated at the time, We had been together for 3 years almost and I felt there was nothing left for me! I was totally head over heels for this guy! Anyway to cut a long story short, Hes moving on and I feel like I cant... He wants to be friends, and we have seen each other since, and its okey quite difficult but I guess thats to be expected! He wants us to be mates (we hang around with the same group of people) and he says this is what will make him happy? What do you guys think? Is he just trying to have his cake and eat it, have me there to do things together and not have the commitment issue, or maybe its just easier for him to be friends because the decision was his to end the relationship? and maybe im clinging on by seeing him, its very difficult we have holidays booked and everything together. Advice please ...........
bluegal79 Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Could you post a bit more of your story and what lead to the breakup?
morphius Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 You said in your post that it was you who broke it off, and that it was you who is devestated? You really need to give us some more info, so that we can see the whole story and advise from there. Morph X
Author Confuzzled85 Posted July 18, 2006 Author Posted July 18, 2006 Sorry, He was the one that ended it, he felt like he wasnt ready for settling down and things, not that was what I wanted anyway, he said he wanted space and freedom to do what he wanted. I dont really know what led up to the breakup it wasnt like we argued or anything, I think maybe he was just bottling up his feelings for quite a while before he came to his decision. He said he still loves me as a friend and would love to carrying on seeing me as a friend, he even wants me to go to his to play on the playstation, I feel like hes moved on and I havent, I keep thinking whos he with, whats he doing, and its killing me. At first I agreed to be his mate and do thing 2gether, because this is what he wanted, and at first it was okey, but then when it came to parting at the end of the night and going our seperate ways it was awful, I didnt show it to him, but I cried myself to sleep. Do you think it will be possible to be friends in time? or am I expecting too much, I need to get this guy out of my head.
bella_girl Posted July 18, 2006 Posted July 18, 2006 It sounds to me like he values your friendship and wants to be your friend. This is very difficult to achieve at the start of a breakup - or possibly anytime post break up, sometimes its not possible to be friends with ex's. I think maybe you need to say that you need some time out, you can consider being his friend in 6 months so that you can heal, get him out of your head and move on. Yep it does suck, but still having contact and hanging out prolongs the agony and pain that you're feeling (i know I've done it). Try the NC thing. Give yourself some time, get out there and do stuff you've alway wanted to etc. Write a list of all the crappy things he did that annoyed you read this every time you feel like calling him, circle a date on a calendar when you'll allow yourself to call and then when that gets close push it back another month. Chin up. Relationship break ups are a grieving process and you'll experience some lows but remember you're a great girl and if he can't see that then its his loss not yours.
Author Confuzzled85 Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 Aww thank you for the nice reply, deep down I know its what I should do. Ive got one problem thou, were all going away as a group of friends next monday, If we cancel we lose our money, If i dont go, as Im the booker no1 can. All very annoying, Maybe I just need to be very strong for the holiday and after that NC can start
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