Jessimacuh Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I have been in a very happy relationship with my current boyfriend for nearly ten months. I am 20 years old and he is 24... however, he is my first *real* boyfriend. But that's not the story I'd like to share... When I was 18 years old I went away to college having never so much as kissed a boy. I soon met someone that I was instantly attracted to, and we became the best of friends. He had recently broken up with a girlfriend of two years and constantly talked to me about girls he liked, so I never told him how I felt in the beginning. On a particularly stupid drunken night, we made out, but that would be the last time for months. Although we were "best friends" we'd snuggle up close in the grass to look at the stars or stay up all night together talking and watching Disney movies... we did many very couplish things. Rewind a bit... it eventually comes out that I care about him very much and he likes me as well we he "doesn't want a relationship." (Red Flag, I know) Anyway, our relationship begins to get tumultous. We fight a lot, but always make up. I found myself flipping out on him, he often doesn't realize how insensitive he's being to me, all that good stuff. The point it, it got rocky and it shouldn't have... we weren't even dating! Eventually, we start sleeping together... I don't like it. It's awkward. It's always drunken and weird... but we do it anyway. Summer arrives and he's off to live at home in Brooklyn and I'm back at home on Long Island. We don't see each other all summer (but fight a lot anyway) and he comes to visit me in early July for a party at my house while my parents are away. WELL, he showed up drunk and hung all over some girl he didn't know all night. I try to talk to him a few times but he blows me off. I get progressively drunker and throw him and my other college friends out. After a month or so of heated arguments he tells me I'm crazy and to leave him alone. About a month later, I started seeing my current boyfriend. (September) From September to January I get harrassing phone calls from my ex-friend and his friends, as well as IMs, etc. - I let a mutual friend know I've filed a police report and it stops. Just recently, I IMed my ex-friend to ask him why he kept bothering me although I left him alone... he claimed I was trying to insult him. A few days later, I emailed him spilling my guts about how awkward I thought our relationship was at times, etc. - things I had never said before. I did a little snooping on his facebook (sorta like a myspace) and saw that he thought I was INSANE for doing that. TO BE PERFECTLY CLEAR, I feel that I have admitted my downfalls in our relationship to the point that it makes him sound innocent (he was not) and I realize how immature, jealous, and obsessive I was at times. My question is - is it really so wrong to contact an old lover to try to gain some clarity? He popped into my mind and I just really hoped that after a year's time, he'd be willing to talk to me... Also, now that he's 1. told me not to contact him over a year ago and 2. blown me off when I did... is there anything I can do to ease the memories? I still feel a need for "closure" even though I am in a more mature, very happy relationship now. Thanks for reading.
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