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Posted

HI, I was married for 27 years. got a divorice the first of this year, my husband only stayed with the ow for two months,then we ended up getting back together, after we had been back together for a month we found out that ow was with child,,she says it is his but who knows, I gave him the chance to get out of it with me ,but, he said he loves me and that wants to make it work with me..I love him very much and really do want it to work, problem is that she calls all of the time,very needy, he feels that he just has to talk with her. I have made it a point to be very nice about all of this,but believe he needs to cool it on the calls. and don't know how to make him understand.

Posted

The thing is, if he did father a child with her, then I believe he has some responsibilities to her and the child. I understand your interest in having her disappear (which would be completely appropriate were her pregnancy not a part of the equation) but if the child is his your (ex?)husband has a real responsibility to step up to, and I'm not sure you can expect her to just disappear to make your reconciliation easier. She isn't just "an ex that can't let go" (although there may be elements of that involved) but she's an expectant mother looking to the father to do his part.

 

Now, what to do about all of it... I don't know what to tell you. If I felt like there were a moderate possibility that it wasn't mine, I think I would definitely want to have a paternity test done at the earliest possible time...

Posted

I agree! Get a paternity test immediately if you can. Otherwise, you guys will be wasting your time, money and emotions for nothing. I hope it works out for you.

Posted

I think that I would do as Trimmer suggests regarding a paternity test. If it turns out that the child is your husband's, then he is going to have to deal with this as any other man does that is not living with his child. Many men are there financially & emotionally for their offspring but aren't necessarily there for the child's mother. The child will be in your life to some extent (if the tests comes back confirming this). You have to decide if you can accept this or if it is too much.

Posted

Get the test done, once you know for sure if it's his then both of you can decide what to do. If it's not his, then any contact between has to stop forever! That and going to marriage counselling with you so the marriage can be fixed.

Posted

I would suggest no contact with the OW until after paternity can be established. Your ex-husband isn't an obstetrician, is he? :confused:

If not... then she needs to get used to the idea that he's not interested in continuing the relationship with her. Rather, that if the child turns out to be his... he's only interested in the parent/child relationship.

 

I'd also recommend seeing an attorney and a financial planner, so that you can get an idea of what kind of monetary bite she can take out of you.

 

Speaking just for myself, I wouldn't enter into negotiations on reconciliation with a man that wasn't willing to agree to those initial terms.

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