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Posted

My boyfriend of 4 years is suddenly secretive about his laptop and shuts it whenever i come into the garage where he has it. He password protected it and never leaves it on or gives me any kind of chance to see it.

He's been like this a few months.

 

He gets angry when I ask why, and says he just wants his privacy and that he is not doing anything wrong. He says, how could I have the time or want for another girl when my exwife (that hes seperated from) doesn't know about you yet. He says it would be way too much stress, and that I am being nuts, etc.

 

I know he talks to people on the internet, but he says its just friends and nothing sexual or romantic.

 

He also passworded his cellphone and does not leave it out anymore, and practically locks it up at night, beside his side of the bed, in his drawer so there is no way I can get at it.

 

I am feel totally bad about this.. sad, lonely, confused. Is he cheating.

How can I find out when I cannot get into anything. :(

I hate this.

 

He is on his computer all the time, and says he is because hes allergic to the animals and feels better out there.

 

I just feel so frustrated like I can't win and he has an excuse for everything, yet I feel as tho hes lying to me. I need to know whats going on. Pls someone help me, how can I find out?

Posted

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Your boyfriend is definitely up to something he doesn't want you to know about. And to top it off he has the nerve to gaslight you.

 

It sounds like he has his bases covered though in terms of keeping you from finding out for sure. The only thing I can think of since you can't install keyloggers or get his cell bill is to try a voice activated recorder and hide it in his car and hope to catch a conversation or two.

Posted

If you had to go to court to prove infidelity on his part, you'd need to do what LB said; gather evidence.

 

But a relationship is not a court of law. A fundamental cornerstone - maybe THE fundamental cornerstone - of a relationship is trust.

 

If you don't trust him, then end it. It simply doesn't matter if he's hiding something or not. Once trust has evaporated (and in this case it clearly has), then your relationship is essentially over anyway. All that's left to do is to actually leave.

Posted

Listen to your gut. His actions are sneaky.

 

Also, he is separated from his wife, yet he's not told her about you...

 

How long have they been apart? Are they planning a divorce?

 

Maybe suggest to him you two spend more time together. Go out more, instead of him sitting alone outside in a garage being on the computer.

Posted

The sudden secrecy is a red flag. Along with the 4 year old red flag of the fact that he has not yet made his exwife aware that he has a gf. Unless they have absolutely zero contact - i.e. not a single word exchanged - her ignorance of your existence could only be due to major concealing efforts on his part. When your so-called committed partner does not even let people know that you two are an item, you have a problem.

 

There are definitely ways for you to investigate this thoroughly and find out the truth. Keystroke loggers, cams, expert IT assistance, hidden microphones, hardware spy devices. However, I wouldn't waste my time or my money. He is behaving in a suspicious way and won't answer your reasonable questions. I'd just set him free to surf the Internet in the comfort of his living room, and look for a better quality relationship.

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