meeting girls?

[bm005]

so tonight i was at a bowling alley with some of my friends and there were these 2 girls sitting alone not too far from us. now i am a shy person so i was scared to go up and say anything to them. however, one of my friends said he would go up with me to talk to them. so we go over to them and i immediately become really shy. i think i must have said like 3 words while my friend was able to talk without being nervous. also, when we were with them, one of the girls kept looking at me smiling and then turned away when i looked at her. i feel like if i had talked more and been more outgoing i could have gotten her number or something like that.

 

Im just wondering, how do you approach a girl that you have never met before and just start talking to her? it seems to me like the available conversation is so limited that it would be hard to continue a conversation.

[johan]

Numbers: The more girls you talk to, the less any one of them will matter. The less the girl you're talking to matters, the less pressure you'll feel to do and say everything just right. The less pressure you put on yourself, the more relaxed and confident you'll feel. The more relaxed and confident you feel, the more likely it will be that whoever you're talking to will dig you. (by the way, it's a terrible idea to try to talk to as many girls as possible at the same place on the same night. They'll be insulted.)

 

Time: over time you'll have enough conversations with women (and people in general) under your belt, you'll feel comfortable chatting with them.

 

Chemistry: not every girl will be easy to talk to, no matter what you have to say. So just don't worry about whether it goes well. It won't always. Some girls, on the other hand, will give you the go-ahead signals that give you confidence you're doing/saying the right things. That will happen no matter how shy you are.

 

Expectations: Don't expect to say everything perfect. Expect to laugh at yourself. Expect to be nervous. Having confidence doesn't mean never feeling nervous or out-of-place. It means being ok with feeling like that, and knowing you can still do what you have to do. Expect to blow it occasionally. Expect some girls not to like you or to not be interested.

 

If you listened to your friend, probably every third thing he said was completely stupid. But he was just talking. Probably half the things the girls said were dumb, too. People chat all the time without being perfect. You just have to do it.

 

Now you know everything I know. I'll preach it. You practice it.

[j.carsey]

How do you approach a new girl.. good question. Well the main thing is it takes practice, patience, never ending optimism, and a lack of fear.

 

The nice thing is that you can fake these (optimism and fearlessness). Just put yourself in a mindset where you can walk up to someone and have a casual conversation with them, and don't let yourself think of the weirdness of doing this. Here are some tips:

 

1. SMILE

2. Look, and sound casual

3. Don't make excessive or intense eye contact (staring scares people)

4. Ask questions

5. Think of how you might talk with a guy. The point is casual conversation

[BareGoddess]

What Johan said was excellent advice. And let me add, from a female perspective, that many of us are so nervous when a guy approaches us that we're not concentrating on what THEY'RE saying so much as on what we're going to say next!

 

Believe me, WHAT you say is not that important at first. It's the general impression of you that will stay with her..whether you seemed friendly and genuine. And if you appear visibly nervous, it will make her nervous as well. So try to relax.

[alphamale]

it seems to me like the available conversation is so limited that it would be hard to continue a conversation.

yeah, i guess that would be the case if you're 14 years old.

[JCD]

What I do is I look the girl in the eyes and see if she holds an eye contact with me and if she smiles. If she does that then it's a go ahead because I know she's interested. That way you have some confidence in knowing that she will be interested in talking to you instead of ignoring you.

 

Remember that a girl that likes you is just as anxious about you as you are about her. Introduce yourself and then say something about the current situation like: Say, there are not that many people here today. She'll say something like: Yeah, it's wednesday, usually on fridays it's packed. Then you'll say: You must come here often then? She says: Not really, we just come here once in a while. You say: I don't come here often either but I had nothing to do today so I came. She says: Are you from around here? You say: Yeah, I just moved in six months ago. I came from blah state because it was wet and rainy and I needed a change. She says: I'm from blah state and I moved here to get a better job. You say: Where do you work and what do you do? She says: I'm a lab technician at local hospital. You say: How long have you been working there? Do you like it? Etc., etc.,

As you can see, you ask a question then you follow up on that and the more answers you'll have the easier is to ask new set of questions that go deeper into her situation. Everytime you meet someone like a coworker you basically ask the same set of questions over and over. After a while you get good at it. You can ask what car she drives, what music/movies she likes, what places she likes to vacation at, what her life goals are, does she have siblings, is she single, does she has baggage Just ask questions even if they're personal. They won't bite your head off or say that's none of your business. People like to talk about their troubles and don't mind these personal questions. Just be nice about it and show compassion. Relate to them on the same level and don't judge them. If you do this then your conversation can be a little stupid but they won't mind because they know you mean well.

[Guest]

Okay so theres this girl and everytime she cna she always takes my shirt/hat etc. and either A.Hides it or B. Makes me chase her down to get it. Is that a sign of flirting?