Guest Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 I am new to all this. A few weeks ago I ran into a boyfriend from 10 years ago. He had just moved to this town, and we made a little small talk and that was that. Ran into him again with my kids. Told me he was married and had a child, and was moving into a house not far away from me. I gave him my number to call so we could all get together sometime. We were friends before we dated and worked together after we dated-no big deal. The next night he called me to see if I wanted to go for a walk, so he went on a walk with my kids and I as we do every night. He is a great guy so I was thinking this is pretty cool, that we could be friends-we always got along so well. His wife has not moved to this town yet, so the next night I invited him to have a drink with myself and some friends. That ended up falling through, so I called him and cancelled-instead he said he'd get some beer and come over so we could at least have a drink. We talked and talked, then he proceeds to tell me how he still has feelings for me, he has loved me for all this time, he has never had anything with anybody including his wife like we had, he wasn't able to sleep last night because he was so excited to see me, he just loves being with me-talking to me-you get the idea-thinks we were supposed to be together. I was reminding him that he was married, and didn't he love his wife-he said they get along good, but nothing like what we had, things happen for a reason, and so on. Things went farther that they should have. I feel guilty because he is married. I have been sick to my stomach all day. I know this can go know where, but I have so many feelings for him too-what terrible timing. He remembers every little detail of things in our lives from when we were dating ten years ago-why? I do believe that he still does have feelings for me, but it doesn't matter-he is married-right?
norajane Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 but it doesn't matter-he is married-right? Right. Save your self respect and save yourself from a world of hurt and pain like you can't even imagine right now, and stay away from this guy. You have no idea how messed up your life will be if you get involved with him. He has a wife and children and you also have children...no amount of lovey-dovey talk and flattery is worth destroying everyone's lives. You deserve a lot better than this guy, a guy who's willing to lie and cheat on his wife and betray his family. If he's willing to lie to his wife, you can be absolutely certain that he is also perfectly willing and capable of lying to you as well. Please read some of the threads in the Infidelity forum, as well as the OW/OM forum. Read them carefully and you will see that nothing good comes from affairs. No matter what he is telling you about his marriage, he will not leave her for you, no matter how often he tells you he is in love with you. He wants sex, and he might want to feel like he's still hot, and he'll certainly enjoy your company, but that's all you'll get...that, and a bunch of sneaking around and rules about when you can and can't be together, and where you can't go because you might be seen, and he can call you, but you can never call him...all so his wife doesn't find out about his affair. Just by having this conversation with you, he has proven himself untrustworthy and disloyal. I'm sure he won't tell his wife about it, so that makes him a liar, too. You don't need a man like him.
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 I too met my first love from 11 years ago. I emailed him from Classmates.com. We had some friendly emails and that was it. Later the emails became more intimate. We began to talk about our bad marriages. Then, the exchange of phone numbers. I am military and moved an hour from where he lived and then we met. He too would describe all the details of our "first love". Then all the "I Love You's" and "I am In-Love With You" bits. I had done something I thought I would never do to my husband, I had sex with my MM who was my first love. Wow, that was the biggest mistake I made. I didn't hear from the MM for three days after we had sex, (which I thought was "making love" but apparently not to him). When I did finally hear from him it was an email!!! An email stating he was feeling so guilty for what he did to his wife and that he felt horrible with the thought of loosing his 2 kids. Basically an email break up! So yeah...I feel rotten about the whole thing, I put my trust into a man whom I thought I could trust. And in the meantime, I have betrayed my husband and my own child. So Please, think very carefully before you get too deep like I did. I mean, he will email me at some point when he gets pissed at his wife, but it is up to me to not get my heart involved and get hurt again. That is my choice and it will be sooo hard, but it is the right thing to do. Please don't have the ugly feeling I have to live with, Good Luck!
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