men i need ur advice most

[magz]

ok i dont get this

 

i went on one date with this guy oscar,

 

but we fooled around andstuff after and he used to call me every day but stopped like a month ago did i turn him of cuz it seemed like im too easy?

 

ok my friends brother started working at my work with me and my friend

 

she told hjim to stay away cuz my heart belonged to oscar it didnt and still doesnt...

 

so of course he comes at me and tells me that..

 

and he asked me if it was ok that he hit on me

 

what am i sopposed to say um hell no

 

so i said its a free counrty and he hoit on me and we fooled around that night and then the next night we had intercourse and he ben avoiding me

 

now that i am so un interested n oscar

 

this guy is amazing like super amazing

 

i asked him if he is avoiding me and he said no he isnt

 

but it seem like he is and feels like he s its been 2 weeks since i slept with him..should i let this whole thing justdrop and lok else where...

 

??? or should i tell him i think hes amazing

 

i feel lke a slut cuz of what i did but there was a lot of time in between oscar ad this guy....i am so confused right now HELP PLEASE?????

[Miss Mojo]

hi magz,

 

you're not a slut for what you have done. your just too quick to "give yourself" if you get my drift.

 

i'm not a guy, and i may be wrong here (please correct me guys if i'm wrong!) but if you give all of yourself to a guy so soon, he doesn't see you as someone he could take seriously as a girlfriend. while there's every chance you'd make a great girlfriend, they probably wonder if you do that with every guy you go on a date with. there's no challenge to building a relationship based on respect.

 

i once gave myself to a guy very early on in the piece. while we had a fantastic relationship and a lot of mutual respect, in hindsight, i just don't think i would do it again. i think i was very lucky that this guy could see me for the loyal, monogamous, committed person that i am re relationships. many other guys wouldn't have.

 

i do think it is sometimes unfortunate that some people brush you off because you've had sex with them. some people are very quick to judge.."she must be insecure"..."she's easy"..."she wants too much too soon" etc. they haven't really had the chance to get to know you (except in the biblical sense). maybe these guys didn't want to get emotionally involved.

 

i would definitely advise you to take your time before you do the horizontal bop with a guy again. if you want a relationship, you need time to develop respect for each other and to define what kind of relationship you want BEFORE sex comes into the picture.

 

if you're going to give yourself to a guy so soon, don't expect them to be in the minority who won't judge you for it. because they probably will. as i said earlier, they probably won't see you as a potential girlfriend due to stereotypes etc.

 

don't beat yourself up about anything. you're not a slut, but you know how quickly people will jump to thinking that you are just because you had sex. whoopdee doo that you're not doing anything that everybody else out there doesn't do!

 

just promise yourself that you will do things differently in the future to ensure you don't get hurt and to ensure that you get what you want.

 

best wishes

[witchbreed]

Not a guy either, I think Miss Mojo hit on the spot. Men or our culture is hypocritical in this respect. A man who has many or fast conquests is considered a great guy and envied and a woman is often called a slut for the same thing.

 

I am 39. In 19 years I slept with 3 men. The father of my 3 kids (live-in boyfriend for 13 years, my ex-husband and my now boy-friend). With my now boy-friend I went to bed the very first night - I just could not resist him. This has caused a lot of troubles, he still often feels insecure about that, has difficulties believing I never did that before.

[Tony T]

You're the girl every guy DREAMS of finding...for a night.

 

Wow, go out with you, go home, mess around, go to bed. With some ladies, it takes a guy a year or two to get to that far.

 

Young guys want girls, lots of them, lots of conquests. And once that happens, they move on. Guys reall want a challenge, a lady they have to work for. But if you cave in right away, it's no work at all and the fun it over.

 

The only thing less of a challenge than you is for a guy to play with himself, no offense.

 

Let this be your wake-up call. If real love is what you want, don't spread your legs so quickly. It could take some time for you to shed this reputation. Once a guy has been with you and doesn't want to return, I promise he will spread the word about you quickly to other guys who are looking for more notches in their belt.

 

Pardon my bluntness in this post but somebody has to tell you just what you're doing to yourself.

[magz]

pardon me but isnt that a littlerude ive slept with two people i didnt actually sleep with oscar i slept with my friends brother and ive known him a really long tme u dont know he whole situation it tok my bf b4 him over a year and a halph to "bed me" so whatever dude

 

i think what the ladies had to say was a hell of a lot more helpful then being putdown by u

You're the girl every guy DREAMS of finding...for a night. Wow, go out with you, go home, mess around, go to bed. With some ladies, it takes a guy a year or two to get to that far. Young guys want girls, lots of them, lots of conquests. And once that happens, they move on. Guys reall want a challenge, a lady they have to work for. But if you cave in right away, it's no work at all and the fun it over. The only thing less of a challenge than you is for a guy to play with himself, no offense.

 

Let this be your wake-up call. If real love is what you want, don't spread your legs so quickly. It could take some time for you to shed this reputation. Once a guy has been with you and doesn't want to return, I promise he will spread the word about you quickly to other guys who are looking for more notches in their belt. Pardon my bluntness in this post but somebody has to tell you just what you're doing to yourself.

 

[Tony T]

I stand by my post. While it may not specifically apply to your situation, it is a man's opinion...like you asked for, and it applies to dating in general.

 

If you don't want to have these kinds of problems, take things a little slower.

 

I did not mean anything as a putdown. I don't even know who you are. I was commenting on the behavior you described and if I saw you in person I could spend hours explaining to you why these guys don't follow through.

 

I accept that you did not like my advice or consider in helpful. Sometimes I miss the mark.