KittenMoon Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Today, on the way to a yearly festival I attend I had to drive by a hotel my ex and I stayed at on our 2nd anniversary. It was a really wonderful weekend. The hotel is an old luxury house styled after a castle and it looks over a beautiful lake. Since our break-up, he's said how this day was often on his mind, because at that time he wanted us so badly to be together forever. He's brought up this memory as recently as a month ago. I remember that day as well, not in the same way exactly (marriage never being on my mind at that age), but I do remember the intensity of how he acted towards me during the stay. It wasn't until he told me his memories and feelings of that day recently that I connected it to this intensity. Just driving by there felt very strange. Just knowing there was a point in time the two people we used to be stood looking over that lake very very very in love. I'd like to believe it would be as easy to just walk out to that spot in the grass and magically ressurect that moment, but of course its not. Of all the pictures of us, he kept one of me from that day in his room for years. So anyways- no fits of sobbing or anything. Just bittersweet nostalgia remembering that day, now with added meaning. Sort of that internal >sigh< feeling. Ok- admittedly I'm tearing up a bit. (Just getting this out- venting- my 'rents are in town, and I'm trying to stay the cheerful hostess for them. Thanks for listening.)
magichands Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Since our break-up, he's said how this day was often on his mind, because at that time he wanted us so badly to be together forever. I don't know... that's an interesting way of putting it. He finally felt that he wanted to marry you? He finally felt as if he loved you? Something clicked, eh? You were two years in - I wonder what was really going through his mind??
Author KittenMoon Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 I don't know... that's an interesting way of putting it. He finally felt that he wanted to marry you? He finally felt as if he loved you? Something clicked, eh? You were two years in - I wonder what was really going through his mind?? Sorry- clarified: We were in love long before this, and I knew he was thinking marriage for a long time, mostly afterwards I guess. Maybe this is when it began? I don't know- I was the commitmentphobe. What I didn't know was that it was such a strong feeling on THAT particular day. So my thought process driving by was like: The castle is still there, the lake is still there, the grass and the garden is still there. But that feeling itsn't. WE aren't anymore. That time was a happy memory, now it's a sad memory. It was just.... weirdly unsettling. I know, I know. There aren't many places I attach THAT MUCH emotion to. I'm sure a few more drivebys (except I only go by there maybe once a year) will dull it down.
Chinook Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Oh Kitten, I know exactly how you feel. I've got wonderful memories of such places. I did the same earlier this year. When I ran the marathon, on the way to where the race was being held I had to drive by a similar hotel. My XP had taken me there after I finished my treatment. He'd put alot of effort in to planning the trip. That place was so special because it was my birthday and we were celebrating the first one post-treatment and he wanted to make it special 'just in case' I didn't get another one. The day I was driving to the marathon place, I had forgotten about it until I was almost up by the gates! As I drove by I crumbled into tears and had to stop the car. It was awful because the place was still there and now everything is different and I've had 3 lonely birthdays since then. Not sure what to tell you but occasionally, things will bite you on the backside.
Author KittenMoon Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 Well- there's not much to be done about it. I wish I could erase a few memories, or at least put them in a brain-closet like the physical stuff so I wouldn't have to look at them... but I can't. Heck, I can't even walk around my neighborhood w/o scads of memories. I just hope in time they fade a bit more than they have... Y'know what's been really messed up about this weekend? My dad and mom are here. My ex was alwaysvery uncomfortable around my dad- he's sort of a gruff type. However, I've been bringing him to the local food places and he's been eating all the things my ex would have! Like sushi (and my dad is the LAST guy on the planet you;d think would love sushi). He even got ice cream and ordered it in the same weird way my ex would have. I FINALLY find their common ground- and it's too late! Ridiculous....
alphamale Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Like sushi (and my dad is the LAST guy on the planet you;d think would love sushi). He even got ice cream and ordered it in the same weird way my ex would have..... yeah, thats weird...
Author KittenMoon Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 yeah, thats weird... Now...Are you being a nice alpha, or a biting sarcastic alpha?
alphamale Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Now...Are you being a nice alpha, or a biting sarcastic alpha? nice, i thougt it was weird that your dad would do that now that your ex isn't around...
Author KittenMoon Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 nice, i thougt it was weird that your dad would do that now that your ex isn't around... Ah- ok. It's not that my dad din't like sushi before- its just that where he and my mom live, sushi restaurants are rare. Where I live, you can't throw a rock w/o hitting a good one. If we were still togehter, he would have been joining us for meals, and it would have been a PERFECT common ground interest for them. I was just like... "dammit! THAT's where they could have bonded!!!" Oh well too late now.
alphamale Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Where I live, you can't throw a rock w/o hitting a good one. Which type of sushi is your fave KM? Do you like the wasabi and pickled ginger? My fave is the godzilla roll which is crab, tuna, salmon, cucumber, avacado, chili, and tobiko...
Author KittenMoon Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 Which type of sushi is your fave KM? Do you like the wasabi and pickled ginger? My fave is the godzilla roll which is crab, tuna, salmon, cucumber, avacado, chili, and tobiko... I can't eat very many anymore. I developed an allergy to raw fish. So I usually get vegetarian rolls, with inari (sweet fried tofu pockets with rice) and tomago.
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