Ruff Ryder Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Well what can I say the topic of all topics NC. I have been good with NC very good for the last 3 months. It was her Bday last month on the 12th and I know she has a hard time with them due to her folks divorce and not having any real family life. So i bought her loads of presents and while she was at work dropped them off in her car. I didnt see her or talk to her, she called and msg me but I didnt respond at all. Then yesterday I get an e-mail from her. Couldnt bring myself to read it so I just deleted it. 3 weeks ago her step sister phones (out of the blue only met the girl 3-4 times) me to say hello and that my ex is dating someone from a very dodgy area in SOUTH AFRICA where I live. But all the same she must find happiness and so will I. Just thought I needed to see if anyone had any insight as to why she would be trying this contact thing....?
blind_otter Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 You did initiate contact when you bought her presents. Not all contact involves verbal communication, RR. And then she was confused because you did this nice gesture, but didn't talk to her afterwards. That's a little confusing to me too. It's good to do good deeds, but to be honest, things like this tend to backfire. NC means NC. No contact. No calling, no emails, no buying presents for your ex.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 She knows why she got the presents, I think she is testing the waters. The presents were no more than a happy bday not a call me or I love you miss you nla bla bla. Just a nice gesture of I know its the worst day of the year for you but enjoy it. She is a lovley girl and I do miss her. She didnt try to contact me again after her bday up till now so its confussing to me. But I live by the words "sometings are easier to walk away from than to understand" it may be one of those cases not so? I dont know maybe just looking for advise or something to help.
blind_otter Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Keep doing what you were doing. You were doing really well for a long time I remember.
Author Ruff Ryder Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 I plan on keeping it up untill such time as I am ready to speak to her and not before. Thanks mate really helps having a place to talk. Again thanks.
bendit Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 With all due respect, the presents were a very confrontational action for someone in NC and in break up mode. It was a break of NC, and a tacit invitation for further contact from her. The gifts just raise all kinds of questions, and potentially confuse her emotions greatly. It should come as no surprise that she would try to make contact with you after getting those gifts. Then, after this questionable action, you don't respond to her attempts to reach out to you. In my book this is considered a passive aggressive kind of posture. I really must question your motivations for leaving gifts while supposedly in NC, then giving her the silent treatment. It sounds like there is still a lot of unfinished business at least for you, probably for her as well. If you really want to get through this and stay "gone", then don't do stuff like that anymore. Stick with NC. If you do want to contact her again, and talk about the break up or ask for another chance, then try to do it in a DIRECT and straightforward way. The way you chose to contact, lure her into contact, then retreat, is not mature adult behaviour. I hope you can look at this incident and come to terms with what is really going on between you two, then make some changes accordingly. regards
Author Ruff Ryder Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 The voice of doom speaks, Look Im not jumping to my defence here but I have read some of your post BENDIT and see that you like to pass judgment on anyone and everone according to your point of view. You have no clue as to whom these people are and where they are from and what they have been through. Never presume to pass judgment on actions that you have no clue about. I'm not getting into it here in my situation but I know why I bought the presents and so does she and her family as I play golf with her farther. So never assume anything that you are not directly involved with. I do however appreciate the bluntness of what you say and the manner in witch it is said. Dont prented or assume to know anything about anyone you dont know. All the same none the less, have a good one.
bendit Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 My post speaks for itself and I wouldn't change a word of it. regards
Author Ruff Ryder Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 Thats A ok mate..... Your entitled to say what you feel and belive without pregidice and your actions speak for themselfs too. Its all good man not picking a fight with you. I have no need to I know what has happened and you can only guess so its all good man. Regards
In Sync Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Well what can I say the topic of all topics NC. I have been good with NC very good for the last 3 months. It was her Bday last month on the 12th and I know she has a hard time with them due to her folks divorce and not having any real family life. So i bought her loads of presents and while she was at work dropped them off in her car. I didnt see her or talk to her, she called and msg me but I didnt respond at all. Then yesterday I get an e-mail from her. Couldnt bring myself to read it so I just deleted it. 3 weeks ago her step sister phones (out of the blue only met the girl 3-4 times) me to say hello and that my ex is dating someone from a very dodgy area in SOUTH AFRICA where I live. But all the same she must find happiness and so will I. Just thought I needed to see if anyone had any insight as to why she would be trying this contact thing....? I too am confused by your question as to 'why she would be trying this contact thing'....especially after receiving birthday gifts from you...Why wouldn't anyone try to contact the person who gave them gift (unless the person was a stalker and the gifts were totally not wanted under those circumstances) but since this is not the case...I don't find it unusual for her to try to contact you. Did you not want her to?
Guest Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 I actually agree COMPLETELY with Pundit. Yes, what you did to her must be extremely painful and confusing, regardless of why you two have broken up. I had an ex girlfriend do that to me. She came across as very mean and disrespectful. It is not a judgement on you; it is simply a statement of principles. I would apologize to her if I were you. Best, A citizen of the world!
Author Ruff Ryder Posted July 17, 2006 Author Posted July 17, 2006 Sorry guys, maybe I didnt explain this propley. This is almost 2 months after getting the gifts that she is trying to contact me again. She did text to say thanks for the gifts the same day and suggested that we should get together at the time. I did not respond. I know she was/is dating someone else at the moment. So my question is 2 months after her last attempt to contact me (the day of her bday) she is trying to contact me again now. Does that clear things up a bit?
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