cariad Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Hi everyone This is my first post and id love some opinions of you guys. My husband died last Jan from cancer, a week before our little girls 2nd birthday. I managed to pull it together, but still have some dark moments. Anyway ive started seeing this guy for about a year now, and the thing is, he is screwing with my mind. Ill give an example, we went out for a meal the other night, as id got a babysitter, and i wanted to tell him how much i think of him, but before i could, he started with his aggressive behaviour, like calling me ignorant if i didnt reply straight away ( i didnt hear what he was saying) or telling me that how i raise my daughter will decide if our relationship continues. ( he thinks im crap at it, no discipline,). He gets jealous and posessive, and sex is very important to him. if i dont feel like it, there is something wrong with me. He says he wants to be part of my family, but he does'nt realise that when he is sarcastic and says horrible things, it makes me feel less affectionate for him. I told him all this, and the result was silent treatment, and that im not as sexy as i was, which obviously makes me feel miserable. I dont know what to do, i keep asking myself is it me, have i changed. He is also jealous of my past boyfriends. I dont really know anybody, and he is also my friend. My one friend tells me to give him the elbow, but its ok for her as she goes home to her husband and nice cozy life. I can go days, speaking to a three yr old. what do you think, am i mad? love cariad
avellana Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman]Hello. It doesn’t surprise me that following that this person has found their way to you. You sound vulnerable. Please buy ‘The Verbally Abusive Relationship’ and’ Controlling People’ (patricia evans). I too am alone, and suffering from losses. I had a really hard time getting away from my controlling & abusive ex because I couldn’t emotionally manage another loss. It was a really weird situation. He was the loss that I could control, but couldn’t manage. I kept trying to hang on- and it destroyed me. Do you really want this person who clearly disrespects you having a relationship with your children? What is he going to teach them other than what he knows- control & abuse. He needs years of counseling. If he were your friend, he would want to go to family counseling to help you learn some parenting skills (if you actually need help) instead of taking over and threatening you with a break-up. Some people don’t know the difference between control and love. I would talk with a counselor about the situation so you can find a good exit. If you’re not strong enough to negotiate your way through the break up and the time thereafter, stay in counseling. Be strong & never let anyone break your spirit![/FONT]
BeFree Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 It's obvious that this person is very abusive and you have let me in your life out of lonliness and sadness. However, it is better to be alone than be with someone who would do you harm or mental abuse. I know what it is like to lose someone in your family, but I imagine losing your husband and the father of your child could send you into a downward spiral of dispear. I think you need to think about what your husband would have wanted for you. Would he want you to be with someone who treats you this way? Most likely not. He would want the very best for you and your child. Also, I do think seeing a counsler will really help you. After a tragedy this great, not too many people could make it through with out someone to talk to and help them uncover happiness once again. While you wish you had a family again and you envy the family your friend has. It is not worth how this man is treating you. When the time is right and you meet the right person, you will have that family again. For now, you need to get as far away from this man a possible. I hope you find a way to end this relationship and look into a counsler. Your husband would want you to be happy and you deserve it.
Guest Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 I know you probably been through a lot but that is no excuse to let someone treat you badly on any level. Pleople that surround you shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable or offend you. It should be a positive experience to be around them. Maybe you should look for new company. Maybe on the internet?
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 I think you should sit down with him and explain your feelings towards him. The way he has been acting he seems very abusive and threatning. I know its hard for me to comment as i'm not in the same situation as you, but i would get rid of him before he becomes dangerous to you or your daughter, I wish you all the best. Llawer o cariad
stillhere Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Right now, you're daughter is the most important person in your life. Apparently, he does not have children, because he would be giving you pointers on how to raise her with discipline, but without being an *ss about it. You need someone who is patient with you and your daughter. Someone who will work with you. Someone who won't threaten you or belittle you. Someone who will understand you. I'm sure this is very hard for you, and i'm very sorry for your lose. That is traumatic all on it's own. But right now, you have to think about that beautiful little girl, and how you want her to be treated. A man like that would never be introduced to my daughter, because i have a feeling that he would abuse her the same as you. This man is very immature and abusive. I have a feeling that if you stay with him, you will be raising 2 children. I say, get out now, while you still can. Easier said than done, but think of your little girl, would you want her to be treated like this when she is your age?
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Get Out Now. anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself - even for a minute - even occasionally is not worth it- would your husband ever do this to you. Yes talk to your 3 yr old until you find someone decent otherwise your daughter will also suffer. GET OUT NOW!! if you can handle your husbands death you can handle this - this is nothing compared to that - your friend has a husband and home to go to - you have a daughter to go home to - i have no kids - i consider you lucky. cheers
abitconfused Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 First off sorry for your loss. It must be tough for you. Say goodbye to him. Yes it can be lonely by yourself but he is not worth it. I think he took advantage of you and is really not interested in being a father to your children. You gotta be kidding me. What guy in his right mind would say that kinda stuff to you after all you went through.
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