Lying..or am I making too much of it...

[witabix]

Well here is the gig people.

 

At the start of our relationship we had what might be a considered to be a one night stand, in hindsight that is.

 

She told me she was going to another country for a week to stay with a guy who was "just a friend".

 

I take people at their word.

 

She admitted a little while later, after we got involved, that this guy 'friend' was a sexual partner.

 

He turned up here a good while ago and she told me that she told him that she was uncomfortable with him turning up like this. She also said that he said "You have hurt me", or words to that effect.

 

It turns out now, some five months later that this guy was a long term affair she was involved in, cheating on her ex with in other words. She broke up with her ex last Christmas, thats a fact I know.

 

I now get the feeling that she dumped him for me.

 

Not sure yet, entirley anyway.

 

I will find out tomorrow or soon enough for sure. I will get answers to my questions.

 

Any questions you all can think of to ask her? To get to the truth.

 

Another thing I want your perspective on is this dialogue.

 

Me:"Have you ever cheated on an SO?"

 

Her:"Yes"

 

Me:"How many times?"

 

Her:"Once"

 

Me:"Yes, me too, never again."

 

Her:"Yes, me also"

 

(Not a verbatim transcript)

 

It turns out now that she has cheated at least four times, all on the same guy. She claims this is what she meant, "I have cheated on ONE person, that is what I thought you meant...."

 

She cheated with different people each time.

 

She seems not to get how that portrays her as a different package to the one she showed herself to be.

 

Am I on the wrong wavelenght with the human race here?

 

Or are my feelings of being sold something I did not want valid.

 

If I had known she was involved with this guy in a foreign country I would NEVER have gotten involved.

 

If I had known she had cheated this much in the past I would have gone MUCH more SLOWLY than I have.

 

I feel as though I have been caught in quicksand here.

 

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[DuRaS27]

I won't pretend to be an expert on relationships, but this is the way I see it:

 

1. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

2. It's never good to start a relationship off with a lie (especially one like that).

[Outcast]

OK, you make a 'mistake' once. If you truly regret what you've done, you never do it again. However once you've decided that you can do it with impunity, you'll have no qualms about doing it again and again, IMHO.