ButtonPusher Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Well i'm finally going to put my crazy bitch ex from march last year behind me. She treated me like s*** after breaking up with me, and this is a girl that I helped deal with a rape. Except now she blames me for destroying her self esteem. Yeah that makes sense. And now shes into drugs and abuses me when I try to talk her out of taking drugs. I'm sick of it. I helped her through a difficult time in her life and she f***ing treats me like I'm dirt now. So I'm making some changes so I can leave her in the past. I'm moving to a different place, yes I know a bit drastic, but my place at the moment has too many memories of her attached to it, and besides im only renting. And I'm throwing out any clothing and other items that have a link to her. Anyway, Ive been cleaning out some cupboards and came across a box of stuff I put away when this ex gf broke up with me. Its got some photos, small gifts and other stuff. Just wondered what people tend to do with this kind of stuff. Does anyone keep photos of them with their ex? Anyone keep gifts? Or is it the consensus that you throw it all away?
neiu Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 hmmm, my ex is a psycho too so no worries. it isn't a bad idea to move out, it definitely will help. Hopefully you've stopped talking to her too because it seems like it's needed. Anyway, I think i've kept most of everything I was given. Clothes I have kept and still wear just cause they're nice but other things i put away into boxes and bags and I gave it to a friend to hold on to just in case one day maybe something will come in handy and its nice to look back on now and then. But I think i'm able to do that because I'm over her and moved on. But you do what's best for you, maybe don't destroy and throw everything out but put that box somewhere where it isn't easy to get and forget about it. forget about her, the stuff and get on with your life
tearsandfears Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I'd say that you have to make a judgement call. I didn't have the heart to throw all the stuff away she sent me over a 4 and a half year period. I simply got a box and packed everything that reminded me of her. One day I may just throw the stuff or maybe I'll look at the stuff from time to time with fond rememberances. A few things like a few small toys for my pet bird's cages and for some reason it has not mental association to her so I keep it. I seriously think getting alll the stuff and No contact followed with time are huge parts of healing.
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Sure I keep things. If nothing else, to remind me how a smart gal can be awful foolish sometimes.
magichands Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 My mum and dad broke up for a while (before they were married, before I was born) and my dad burnt all her letters. Threw them on the bonfire. I couldn't do it, though. As much as I want my ex back, I'm not convinced that it would work for me too. Maybe he was right - I really don't know. If you have a happy ending, then reminiscing is so sweet. If not...
Pyro Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Well i'm finally going to put my crazy bitch ex from march last year behind me. She treated me like s*** after breaking up with me, and this is a girl that I helped deal with a rape. Except now she blames me for destroying her self esteem. Yeah that makes sense. And now shes into drugs and abuses me when I try to talk her out of taking drugs. I'm sick of it. I helped her through a difficult time in her life and she f***ing treats me like I'm dirt now. So I'm making some changes so I can leave her in the past. I'm moving to a different place, yes I know a bit drastic, but my place at the moment has too many memories of her attached to it, and besides im only renting. And I'm throwing out any clothing and other items that have a link to her. Anyway, Ive been cleaning out some cupboards and came across a box of stuff I put away when this ex gf broke up with me. Its got some photos, small gifts and other stuff. Just wondered what people tend to do with this kind of stuff. Does anyone keep photos of them with their ex? Anyone keep gifts? Or is it the consensus that you throw it all away? I throw away all photos. They are a waste of my photo album space. Any nice and/or useful gifts that I received from my ex I will keep. If anything reminds me of her in a way that is bad for me, I will get rid of it.
Author ButtonPusher Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 Well i binned everything. But now she's playing mind games with me, implying that she would think its worth trying to give things a second chance. I cant take this. I havent slept for 2 nights, Ive lost my appetite. It was nice to hear from her (see my other recent thread) but I really wish I'd never contacted her. She tells me she was seeing a guy but it wasnt serious, and that she doesnt think he's better than me. I think she's just enjoying torturing me like this to feed her ego.
Diver012 Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 It sounds like shes seriously messed up. Has she seen a counselor about her problems? Not trying to butt in, but the events you describe, simply cant be handled on her own, or even by you. I would get rid of everything. Let it go and move on. Theres nothing wrong with going forward.
In Sync Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Get rid of the stuff. Why? Because everything an ex or for that matter anyone who gives us something there is the energy of that person connected to it. That's why we keep momentos. Now if someone is the cause and the center of heartache, isn't it logical that they are forever in the back of your mind by hanging onto their stuff. When you look at old love letters, articles of clothing, play their CD's...what are you doing keeping them in your lives, conjuring up their energy? If you want to move on cut the umbilical cord and get on with your life.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Anyway, Ive been cleaning out some cupboards and came across a box of stuff I put away when this ex gf broke up with me. Its got some photos, small gifts and other stuff. Just wondered what people tend to do with this kind of stuff. Does anyone keep photos of them with their ex? Anyone keep gifts? Or is it the consensus that you throw it all away? One of my ex's hurt me so unbelievably badly after we split....i didn't love him and i wasn't bitter....but always treated me as a 'girlfriend' and never his 'friend' while we were together even though i'd known his mates since primary school and i'd see them all the time....and after he dumped me he obviously didn't like the fact i was still around and made up the stupidest and most awful rumours which eventually made me leave that group of friends to escape it all...so i burnt all his stuff. My recent ex lives in my draw lol one without a handle so i cant open it lol....i've toyed with the idea of burning it all but he's not as bad as the last ex i suppose and i still want to remember...but if he hurts me so much i dont want to remember anymore...it's going up in flames...we are still on talking terms i suppose.
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 The people who have been in your life will always be 'in the back of your mind' simply because we can't get our memories erased. I have things from people I don't think of at all and things from people I think of when I hear about people like them and I'm reminded of what they were like. Which is a good thing because it reminds me of why they're gone. Getting rid of the things won't change our memories.
amaysngrace Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I think it's a matter of preference when deciding what to keep and what to discard. For me, I kept his kids... but easily got rid of the country music he liked so much.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 The people who have been in your life will always be 'in the back of your mind' simply because we can't get our memories erased. I have things from people I don't think of at all and things from people I think of when I hear about people like them and I'm reminded of what they were like. Which is a good thing because it reminds me of why they're gone. Getting rid of the things won't change our memories. shhhh...it makes me feel better...lol
In Sync Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 people are in the back of our minds because we choose to keep them there by our choice and decision. We make the decision where we put our attention. if we choose to hang on to their personal items and/or write them we are agreeing to ourselves that they will stay there.
alphamale Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Sure I keep things. how much stuff could there be from only one lover?
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Um. No. Our brains retain our experiences and we can't do a thing about that. Emotional experiences are even more likely to be retained because adding emotion to an event means that the event is logged in different areas of the brain. This is about brain science. There's no 'choice' about it whatsoever. It's kind of like saying you choose to remember to blink. Memory is part of the mechanics, not an act of will.
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 how much stuff could there be from only one lover? It's way beyond old, Alf. Way beyond.
In Sync Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Um. No. Our brains retain our experiences and we can't do a thing about that. Emotional experiences are even more likely to be retained because adding emotion to an event means that the event is logged in different areas of the brain. This is about brain science. There's no 'choice' about it whatsoever. It's kind of like saying you choose to remember to blink. Memory is part of the mechanics, not an act of will. Listen, everyday you make choices.Yes we have good and bad experiences but we choose what we want to focus on and keep at the forefront of our memory. Do I choose to think about my failed math test in eight grade that I cried over. Uh no. If you keep hanging on to relics of past relationship and keeping them in the forefront of your present day life that is a choice. Many people have faced adversity in their lives and don't look back. What's past is past. It happened but they don't keep looking at it everyday. that is a choice. A choice to move forward. P.S. What is amnesia?
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 and keeping them in the forefront of your present day life My whole point is that having a couple things in a box in a locker is hardly 'keeping them in the forefront of my present day life'. I don't even think about them until there's one of these discussions on LS Amnesia is a condition often caused by illness or trauma. So is a tumour. So is an aneurysm. Any other questions?
In Sync Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 My whole point is that having a couple things in a box in a locker is hardly 'keeping them in the forefront of my present day life'. I don't even think about them until there's one of these discussions on LS Amnesia is a condition often caused by illness or trauma. So is a tumour. So is an aneurysm. Any other questions? Amnesia is a form of memory loss is it not? My point is maybe for you a few things in a box is not keeping them in the forefront but for some it just may be. don't just assume that your make up in personality is the same for all. Be realistic, some people do look at items from ex's and start dwelling on them...otherwise why would chucking them be such a question?
Outcast Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 But if they didn't have the items, they could dwell on memories. If a peson wants to reawaken old ghosts, it won't be because of the possessions.
In Sync Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 But if they didn't have the items, they could dwell on memories. If a peson wants to reawaken old ghosts, it won't be because of the possessions. What are you saying? is this one of those replies that came about because you need to feel absolutely right ..uh ok then.
KittenMoon Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 The problem with "things" is sometimes you can't get rid of them all. Heck, I'm typing on a comp HE built for me. And I could look around my bedroom right now and see dozens of things that have ties in my mind somehow to him. "I got that tshirt when we.... his writing is on that CD... I glazed that piece of pottery because his background inspired me... he was out of town the time I read that book..... etc etc etc etc". It goes on- but what else can I do? Trash 75% of what I own? Hm. Not going to happen. I like my stuff. So- it's a matter of disengagement. These things existed with him... these things continue to exist after him. Overly sentimental things are in a box in the closet, away, away, away. I am unwilling to trash the pictures of the best times of my life just because he's in some of them. I'd like to be able to salvage some it back into my photo albums someday. The rest of the stuff.. well, either we get rid of it now, or we get rid of it later. I say do it when it feels right.
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