corny1 Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 My ex girlfriend had several things that she did while we were together and I would like someone elses opinion. She dumped me two years ago for her ex who was in prison at the time. Two years went by and he ended up cheating on her for the sixth time. I took her back and we moved in together. I asked her before I bought us a house if this is what she wanted. I said your 100% sure that I am the guy. You will be willing to go through thick and thin to be in this relationship and she said yes. She hangs out with and ex booty call. Actually she went out to the bars with him and then the next morning said she was having him over to our house to shower when I wasnt there. She expected me just deal with things like this. We argued about stuff like this all the time. I told her that she needed to change if it was going to work. She would go out with friends and come home stinking drunk at 4:30 in the morning and I just couldnt handle it. I accepted that it was the way it was going to be and I changed and stopped arguing about it and became the perfect boyfriend. She stopped making love to me and became cold and distant. I finally said that I was going to lay it on the line. I bought her a promise ring and said that she could wear it if I was the guy she wanted to be with. She said no. I bought a house for us and she didnt have it in her to love me enough to be there for me. She simply said I'm sorry. Any comments?
Winfield Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 My ex girlfriend had several things that she did while we were together and I would like someone elses opinion. She dumped me two years ago for her ex who was in prison at the time. Two years went by and he ended up cheating on her for the sixth time. I took her back and we moved in together. I asked her before I bought us a house if this is what she wanted. I said your 100% sure that I am the guy. You will be willing to go through thick and thin to be in this relationship and she said yes. She hangs out with and ex booty call. Actually she went out to the bars with him and then the next morning said she was having him over to our house to shower when I wasnt there. She expected me just deal with things like this. We argued about stuff like this all the time. Argued about that sort of stuff all the time? The minute she went off with an ex, hanging about in bars with him...and I presume from what you've written in your post, this wasn't just a one-off...you should have ended it there and then. Why? Because she broke her promise that she'd be 100% committed to you. I told her that she needed to change if it was going to work. You shouldn't have needed to tell her - she should have known, and she would have known that she was being unfaithful to you. In short, she was making a fool of you. She would go out with friends and come home stinking drunk at 4:30 in the morning and I just couldnt handle it. I accepted that it was the way it was going to be and I changed and stopped arguing about it and became the perfect boyfriend. She stopped making love to me and became cold and distant. I finally said that I was going to lay it on the line. Why did you drag it out for so long, leading such a miserable relationship with her? I bought her a promise ring and said that she could wear it if I was the guy she wanted to be with. She said no. Well, that doesn't surprise me. Assuming that the ring didn't cost as much as the house, did you honestly think that it would make a difference? "Throwing good money after bad" springs to my mind... I bought a house for us and she didnt have it in her to love me enough to be there for me. She simply said I'm sorry. Any comments? "Sorry" is such an easy word to say. To mean it is another matter altogether. You've certainly been through the wars with this woman, that's for sure...and to share such a large financial responsibiltiy like a house with her and then find out the "home truths", well, that's just a nightmare! But, seeing as she's your ex, things can only get better from now on! My advice for the next time though if a relationship isn't working out - get out sooner, before it drags you down! If it's a shared mortgage or whatever, the financial issues can always be sorted out equally one way or another... Good luck!
juniper fumes Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Two things spring to mind. 1. Your ex engaged in hurtful behavior toward you, possibly because she is unsure what she wants from life and was selfish enough to completely disregard your feelings as she sorted it out. 2. By seeking some sort of validation that your ex behaved badly toward you, I wonder what your own purpose is on these boards. Are you seeking pity, confirmation, vindication? The way you present the story it's obvious you're setting her up as a villain. What do you hope to gain from people's comments? Also: I accepted that it was the way it was going to be and I changed and stopped arguing about it and became the perfect boyfriend. She stopped making love to me and became cold and distant. Rolling over and accepting her abusive behavior doesn't make you the perfect boyfriend. It signals to her that you will enable her crappy behavior, she can continue to get away with it without fear of repercussions, and it gives her far less incentive to be considerate of you. I finally said that I was going to lay it on the line. I bought her a promise ring and said that she could wear it if I was the guy she wanted to be with. She said no. I bought a house for us and she didnt have it in her to love me enough to be there for me. She simply said I'm sorry. I think it was clear from the way she acted that you weren't the guy she wanted to be with. She doesn't owe you anything for you buying her a promise ring, or even a house. Really, I think you owed it to yourself to have the strength to realize that you were being mistreated and stand up to her. Laying it on the line should have been telling her that her behavior was unacceptable, and that either it ended or the relationship did. Not some passive-aggressive tactic of presenting her with a piece of jewelry signifying a step toward marriage and trying to guilt her into being a faithful and loving girlfriend. You knew she hadn't been that for years; a ring isn't going to change that. You deserve better, and I hope that before you enter your next relationship (if you haven't already), you convince yourself of that and look out for yourself. Don't let people push you around. There are plenty of women out there who won't treat you like crap, and you deserve someone like that.
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