Guest Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Did I do the right thing? Guys and girls, please share your opinion with me. I hit on my MM boss. He didn't like it and reported me. I got coached. Since it's a workplace, I thought it would be appropriate to apologize to him, and did so in a very respectful written form. Was it a good idea, or did I make myself look further like a fool?
BUTAFLY Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Natasha is this you? Didn't we all tell you to leave this man alone. Tisk Tisk Tisk....NO that wasn't a good Idea. NOW STOP!
Guest Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Natasha is this you? Didn't we all tell you to leave this man alone. Tisk Tisk Tisk....NO that wasn't a good Idea. NOW STOP! Yep, that's me all right :0) But on a serious note, whay wasn't that a good idea? He might be the one to decide on my next raise... Besides, I don't think about him romantically anymore. Just thought it'd be a cortious thing of me to do. That's all.
Guest Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Natasha is this you? Didn't we all tell you to leave this man alone. Tisk Tisk Tisk....NO that wasn't a good Idea. NOW STOP! BUTAFLY (I love this name , by the way , I'd also like to add that the other 2 reasons I did it/ apologized to him was to bring some sense of closure for my own benefit as well as to keep it on a professional level. I'm not mad at him by any means (just wonder sometimes , and I can tell he's been trying to be civil with me. I just wanted to break that awckward (sp?) feeling between the two of us. He's been nice, and I just wanted to be nice back. I saw him briefly just this afternoon, and noticed for the first time how much he resembled my grandma in some facial expression. It was such a hilarious observation that I couldn't help but smile. He's not very handsome at all, to tell you the truth. I think that was something in his personality that attracted me to him in the first place. But after he turned me in to the executive, I developed a feeling of dissapointment in him, and even noticed how with each coming day I think less and less about him and what had happened. I know you'll be proud to hear this from me: I am finally getting over this mess. Natasha :0)
BUTAFLY Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Did he say anything about the letter you wrote? or even acknowlege it? I only say the letter was bad because it's in writing and now evidence that could be put into a file and acts as full acknowlegement of your behavior. When on the other hand the 'pass' you made could have been a big misunderstanding or taken out of context on his part. I just don't like the idea of writing things down in your situation just because it could always be brought up against later. I would have prefered you to appologize in person, BUT whats done is done and that should be the end of it.
Guest Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Did he say anything about the letter you wrote? or even acknowlege it? I only say the letter was bad because it's in writing and now evidence that could be put into a file and acts as full acknowlegement of your behavior. When on the other hand the 'pass' you made could have been a big misunderstanding or taken out of context on his part. I just don't like the idea of writing things down in your situation just because it could always be brought up against later. I would have prefered you to appologize in person, BUT whats done is done and that should be the end of it. I do understand your point concerning written things. And I had been thinking about just telling him in person, but I wasn't sure whether he'd be comfortable with it or not. At the coaching session the executive did mention that the guy's problem was that he didn't feel (and I quote) "overly comfortable" about the situation (I'm guessing my advances or whatever). Maybe he thought I was way too pushy, but didn't mind the context of my notes, who knows. Either way, I chose to take a risk by writing this letter of apology which I made sound very apropriate, good-willed, and professional. No, he didn't say anything about the letter, though... I addressed it to both the exec and him, and sent it to them from the personel office. The first time we bumped into each other after the letter, he was like "Oh, hey Natasha!" like he hadn't seen me for ever. And he's a kind of guy who doesn't show his friendly side to just anybody in the compony. That brief reaction from him was an indirect indication for me that he'd accepted the apology and saw us back on the same page (professionally) as we used to be before this all started. Honestly, I feel so much relieve and peace about it now. But then again, even if they put the letter into my file, it would only stay there for a year. BUTAFLY, thank you so much again for talking to me. This is the very reason I got on this forum so I could talk my problem out and over and get some helpful insight from somebody who'd constructively help me sort things out without judging. Thank you for having been that person for me. Natasha :0)
yesmaybe Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 One of my past bosses (older executive male, married, college aged daughter) had unwanted advances made on him by a young intern. I remember him telling me, "Crap...if I'm not careful, she'll get pissed and report ME as sexually harassing her!" And so, he documented every incident where she talked to him, gave him treats, etc.. He saved any flirty emails she sent him. He then gave them to the HR department. These days, a man can never be too careful. Afterwards, he felt really really awkward. He's not a mean guy, and he didn't want her to get fired. But...he was also worried that she might be a psycho who would start to stalk him (previously, it was just lots of inappropriate flirting on her side, but relatively harmless). So, he was distant but very friendly - I told him to stop being so "fake," that she would be insulted. Instead, the woman thought that he was starting to hit on her!!!!! And then she pursued him even harder. Finally, my friend took my advice, and just started to ignore her completely. Still kept all the files on her. But, he didn't turn them in this time because he knew she's get fired, and he is too nice to let that happen. Fortunately, she finally got the hint, and until her internship was over, she went out of her way to avoid him (I think she felt embarassed). So...please don't read too much into the incident. He probably thinks you're harmless, and is embarassed for you that you thought he was interested. So, no apology letters. No nothing. Or he will think you are psychotic.
Guest Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 One of my past bosses (older executive male, married, college aged daughter) had unwanted advances made on him by a young intern. I remember him telling me, "Crap...if I'm not careful, she'll get pissed and report ME as sexually harassing her!" And so, he documented every incident where she talked to him, gave him treats, etc.. He saved any flirty emails she sent him. He then gave them to the HR department. These days, a man can never be too careful. Afterwards, he felt really really awkward. He's not a mean guy, and he didn't want her to get fired. But...he was also worried that she might be a psycho who would start to stalk him (previously, it was just lots of inappropriate flirting on her side, but relatively harmless). So, he was distant but very friendly - I told him to stop being so "fake," that she would be insulted. Instead, the woman thought that he was starting to hit on her!!!!! And then she pursued him even harder. Finally, my friend took my advice, and just started to ignore her completely. Still kept all the files on her. But, he didn't turn them in this time because he knew she's get fired, and he is too nice to let that happen. Fortunately, she finally got the hint, and until her internship was over, she went out of her way to avoid him (I think she felt embarassed). So...please don't read too much into the incident. He probably thinks you're harmless, and is embarassed for you that you thought he was interested. So, no apology letters. No nothing. Or he will think you are psychotic. So true, YESMAYBE! You guys are so awesome with your insights. He knows I'm not some kind of "nut". And I do believe, like you said, he might be embarassed for me. But, oh well, what's done is done, and I'm proud to say I've learned my lesson and thankfully the easy way. At the end of the day, however, wouldn't a middle aged guy with a floppy belly sitting in his living room in his boxers sipping on his drink, lavish a thought of having been noticed by an attractive athletic looking young girl who'd had the nurve to let him know she liked and appreciated him for who he is? That thought just tickles me. At the end of his day he's not a big "bad" boss anymore, but a regular human guy with his insecurities and fears, and I bet you when somebody approached him with a word of respect, he's going to eat it up regardless of what he might think about me, shown or not shown. That's the reason I stepped forward and wrote the letter. And now I'm free in my conscience (sp?) to move on. Natasha :0)
BUTAFLY Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 BUTAFLY, thank you so much again for talking to me. This is the very reason I got on this forum so I could talk my problem out and over and get some helpful insight from somebody who'd constructively help me sort things out without judging. Thank you for having been that person for me. Natasha :0) Your welcome.
Tony T Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 A written apology was appropriate. What was inappropriate was hitting on your boss, no matter what his marital status was. Supervisors have to be extremely careful these days. There are Federal labor laws that deal with these sorts of things. A boss can get in extreme trouble having a romantic involvement with one of his subordinates. I'm not discouraging you at all from being aggressive in your pursuit of lovers, just don't do it so much in the work place and, please, stay completely away from superiors.
westernxer Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Looks like you missed the gravy train with this guy, but other bosses are willing to take his place, if you're willing to look elsewhere.
My_Other_I Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 You've been obsessing over this guy! It's done. You've apologized and can't take it back, why does it matter if it was right or wrong? Now let him be, stop obsessing over him, stop fantasizing that he is in love with you, work on your emotional maturity and find your own man. Give him and yourself a break or you will get fired. If you want to do this right, you will leave him alone and forget about him.
Guest Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 A written apology was appropriate. What was inappropriate was hitting on your boss, no matter what his marital status was. Supervisors have to be extremely careful these days. There are Federal labor laws that deal with these sorts of things. A boss can get in extreme trouble having a romantic involvement with one of his subordinates. I'm not discouraging you at all from being aggressive in your pursuit of lovers, just don't do it so much in the work place and, please, stay completely away from superiors. Tony, thank you so much for your considerate and non-judgmental responce. I always appreciate what you have to say. I agree, a respectful and apropriate apology is always the right thing to go with, and I know men especially will respect you back for it. Natasha :0)
Guest Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 You've been obsessing over this guy! It's done. You've apologized and can't take it back, why does it matter if it was right or wrong? Now let him be, stop obsessing over him, stop fantasizing that he is in love with you, work on your emotional maturity and find your own man. Give him and yourself a break or you will get fired. If you want to do this right, you will leave him alone and forget about him. Hey MOI, why do you always have to be so verbally abrasive? Problems of your own maybe? Nobody's perfect, you know, including yourself. Everyone's trying to do their best in this life fighting for their own emotional sanity. Why don't you read Tony T's responses to get some training on how to handle giving advice. Otherwise nobody's going to take you seriously. Respectfully, Natasha
Guest Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Looks like you missed the gravy train with this guy, but other bosses are willing to take his place, if you're willing to look elsewhere. Hey West, thanks for your comment, but I wouldn't call the guy a "gravy train" by any means. He always complains to other employees about not having enough money, and drives an old motorcycle to work to save on gas. I know the guy makes pretty good money, though. So I don't know what the deal here is. Natasha :0)
My_Other_I Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Hey MOI, why do you always have to be so verbally abrasive? Problems of your own maybe? Nobody's perfect, you know, including yourself. Everyone's trying to do their best in this life fighting for their own emotional sanity. Why don't you read Tony T's responses to get some training on how to handle giving advice. Otherwise nobody's going to take you seriously. Respectfully, Natasha Maybe you didn't like my response because you know I might be onto something and it just didn't fit your agenda? Sorry to hurt your feelings.
Guest Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Maybe you didn't like my response because you know I might be onto something and it just didn't fit your agenda? Sorry to hurt your feelings. You didn't hurt my feelings, man... Just don't see how you can believe your answers to be helpful to others when you express them with so much impatience. Try to be more considerate and level-headed in your responces. Natasha :0)
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