heartbroken411 Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 My exboyfriend told me yesterday that he lied to me about seeing someone and that he's seeing no one in particular and that he still loves me. He says he lied until I started seeing someone else because he then felt like I had moved on and I wouldn't bother him about getting back together anymore. He knows I'm not seriously seeing this other guy though, as my ex and I split up 2 weeks ago after 3 years together. He's obviously still sexually attracted to me, he says he's still in love with me and knows that I am with him, but keeps making excuses so we can't hang out (although he keeps saying he wants to be friends.) I'm very confused. Does he really not want to be with me anymore or is he scared to hang out with me for fear that he'll want me again and all of our old problems will resurface?? I otherwise fail to see why you would want to be friends with someone who you're sexually attracted to, you're in love with, you talk to all of the time and you have a great time with. I'm sooo confused!! Does he love me or doesn't he?? Does he want me or doesn't he?? He acts so jealous over this other guy and says he's having a hard time with the breakup and still is in love with me but makes excuses for not seeing me! HELP!! I don't know what to think...
MrPot Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Just like everyone else, he wants what he can't have. My girlfriend dumped me 6 or 7 weeks ago, and she didn't want anything to do with me until she heard I might be dating someone else. She hasn't said she wants me back, but she's had some pretty bad jealous episodes and certainly doesn't want me dating ayone else. If you stayed at his beck and call he would be content and wouldn't have done anything like this. He wants you pining over him. I want my ex pining over me too; that's natural. However, you can't do it. It's pretty obvious he still has feelings in you to some extent. If you want those feelings to increase and you want him to come back, pull away a little. Don't tell him you love him; don't contact him. Make him think you've moved on completely.
spinnelli Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I could be totally offbase here, I'm just speculating. Break ups are usually a power struggle, even dumpers don't necessarily want you to move on before they do because that somehow strips them of the perceived power they have over you and your emotions. Imagine if someone dumped you, you don't beg or grovel or even ask for explanations, you just pack your stuff, say thanks and disappear. The next week, you are dating someone new and acting like you never even knew your ex. Even if he/she is the dumper, I bet you a million dollars they will, at the very least, call you to ask you what in the world you think you're doing. Most of the time, they will be the one begging for you to come back. See my logic here? he doesn'want you, but it doesn't necessarily mean he wants someone else to have you either...well at least not immediately anyway. He was cool when you were the victim, grovelling and begging him to come back, that's a tremendous ego stroke that most people don't like to give up, but now that he's seen that he's possibly been replaced by someone new in your life, he will do and say whatever he can to confuse you. Which is why I NEVER go back to an ex who only wants me back after I've begun dating again. When you're single and you're moping around over them, they don't care about you but when you start focusing attention on someone else, they want you. But you have to see that it is not genuine, they only want you because someone else does. As soon as they get you back, you become chopped liver all over again. I hope that makes sense If you want to go back to him, take your time and make sure he's for real, don't go running back as soon as he calls because I promise you it will hurt 10 times more the second time around when he dumps you again.
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