mattea Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 my b/f lost him mom two years ago today. sometimes in the past i've tried to get him to talk to me about his feelings around this and other things, and it isn't easy for him. he's admitted that he has a hard time opening up but he's trying and wants to do so. last night i kept thinking he had a look of pain in his eyes. he was talking a lot about various things, and he finally told me that today is the anniversary of his mom's death. he mentioned it by saying that he would take some quiet time today to observe the day. we talked about his mom for awhile. i asked what things she liked to do and he talked about her. i suggested maybe he could go to some place they'd been together and light a candle and read a favorite poem of hers. i was sitting across the room when he told me so soon i came and hugged him on the couch. i felt very sad and wished i could do/say more. i'm working today, he's off. i've lost some people in my life but never someone so close to me. his mom sounds like she was an amazing women and a really bright part of his life. does anyone have suggestions about how i can be supportive around this loss? has anyone lost someone close to them and had a friend or partner do or say something that was particularly helpful. i know listening is important, and i'm really glad he opened up to me with what he did because i know it's hard for him. i want him to feel supported when he does so that maybe next time it will be easier for him to talk to me.
laRubiaBonita Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 sounds like you are doing as best a job as he will allow...... and that is the flip side of offering support.... one must want it. it sounds like your guy is opening up fine....
wing81 Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I have not personally lost anyone close to me but I think I am the same way as your boyfriend when it comes to opening up. I would say just be there for him when he wants to talk. I know sometimes it makes me close off more when someone tries to get me to talk about emotions even if they are trying to be supportive. I'm sure when he is ready you will be the first person he goes to.
superconductor Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 He'll open up in his own time and in his own way. Don't push the issue or he'll resent it.
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