KunFuZed Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I’m talking to this guy who is really nice I like him a lot but he just got out of a 2yr relationship like 4 months ago and when we talk I don’t think he notices that he talks about his ex a lot. But my problem is that in about 3 past relationships I have dated guys right after they got out of long term relationships and as soon as things begin to get serious between us their EX usually decides she wants him back and they all went back to their ex and left me. Now with this guy I’m kind of scared that it will be the same thing and I’m scared to try to let it go any further with him. I think him and his ex still do keep in touch with each other, she had a child that is not his but he loves the child as if it was his own and I don’t know what to do, Should I keep talking to this guy to find out if he will be the first to tell his ex no and stay with me or leave him alone now b4 I find out he really wants to go back with his ex Important note I did ask him if he would ever want to go back to her and his reply was not right now I’m not sure how I should have taken that
mattea Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 wow i really feel for you - i can certainly get why you'd be feeling fearful. it's really tough when something like that happens more than once. if he's talking about her a lot that could be an indicator that he still has processing to do. and if he's saying he doesn't want to get back together with her "right now", i'd say that's kind of a red flag too. is sounds as if he hasn't moved on to a place of being certain it's over. i've at times started relationships too soon after my last relationship when i thought i was ready and wasn't. sometimes 4 months is enough time, sometimes a year isn't even enough time - it depends on the situation. this time i started a relationship with someone 3 months after my last relationship ended. now i've been with my current b/f for 8 months. i have NO desire to go back with the ex (it wasn't healthy) and i'm totally into the guy i'm with now. but that's because i was DONE with the ex (after a lot of struggling - i finally got there!). i guess you just need to find out for sure where this guy is, and proceed with caution. if he's talking about her a lot and saying things like "not right now" about getting back with her, it seems to me like maybe he's not moved on enough. can you handle just being friends for now while you find out more and see if he moves on more from that relationship?
Sally00 Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I went through the same thing. This guy and I used to talk (he had a g/f of a year at the time that I didn't even know about)... It was a long distance relationship for him... It didn't work out cuz I realized he had a g/f all along. And then 3 years later, we started talking again. He even told me when we first started talking, he was considering breaking up with her to be with ME. He always said things like, "If I wasn't with anybody, we'd be the perfect match." That year, she broke up with him after 4 years. He kept talking about his ex and was heart broken (this was like 4 months afterwards). I did all I could to help him through it, as a friend.. not as a potential girlfriend. I was one of his best friends. Eventually, he just started bitching about everything else in his life... I tried to help but it just seemed like he was blowing me off. So, I blocked him out of my life.. again. (This happened in January). ========================= So........ I think letting him figure out what he wants, giving him some TIME and space will be the best. I honestly don't think he is ready for a new relationship. He is still heart broken. If he wants you, he'll let you know. If ya'll are meant to be, it will be.
Author KunFuZed Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 Well I'm not sure what he wants with me, If he wants a relationship or if he wants to just be friends. He talks sometimes like he wants a relationship later on down the road, But I'm scared that all the time we spend together, the making out, the hand holding, and the late night phone calls will make me catch feelings for him and when I do the EX is going to want to come back into the picture. Even if we stay friends and I have those feelings I'm gonna be hurt. Like an example, today he was supposed to go visit the girl mind you we talk every night on the phone till like AM and today I didn't get no phone call nothing I haven't heard from him all day and I am a lil hurt, but I guess I just leave him alone for a lil while and see if he comes back around
Sally00 Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 But I'm scared that all the time we spend together, the making out, the hand holding, and the late night phone calls will make me catch feelings for him and when I do the EX is going to want to come back into the picture. Sounds like a "friends with benefits" sorta thing ya got goin'. Definitely making out and holding hands won't help at all. You're hurting yourself more when you do that. If he knows that you let him do that stuff, he'll be like, "Hey.. why ask her out if she's already letting me act like we're going out?" I'm just trying to think the way most guys do...
Author KunFuZed Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 This guy decided to go back to his girlfriend, it didn't last too long. But in the end he confessed that he made the worng decision n wish he would have chose me.
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