I blew it and I need to fix it

[Guest]

First time looking for help this way but I don't know where else to turn. I met this girl in approx 2.5 years ago while out of state visiting a buddy. I was single as was she and I have no "game".

 

Quick background - I had a girlfriend for 10 years from my senior yr in HS to whenever. She left me about four months after we bought our first house. I was devestated. Didn't do anything for about a year. Then got up enough willpower and started going out, met a couple of girls and dated for a short time. Things were getting back on track. Then I go to visit my buddy and as I walk inside this bar to hit the head I notice these girls flagrantly staring at me. I go back outside and they stare again. Too obvious for me not to do something.

 

I get my other single friend and say we have to go inside. We sit down near them (my back to the girl of interest) and my friend says , Dude she keeps turning around in her chair to look at you. I, at this point even having no game realize that I have to say something. I walk over and before I can say one word, She says " It's about time". Long story short we had a magical night oblivious to everyone around us as we danced and made out and basically had the best night of our lives.

 

I got her number and as I was heading home the next afternoon I called her and we talked every day for the next week. I subsequently drove three hours every weekend for the next three months to go see her and next thing you know she is moving down to live with me......... This is where the trouble begins......... I know now that she moved in with me entirely too fast, but we were in love and were going to make it work.

 

I did not realize it at the time but I was still somewhat hung up on my ex of 10 yrs and although it didn't register at the time I resented her moving in with me and I actually thought to myself, how dare she bring all of her stuff into MY house and want to change the way I have everything set up? I see it so clearly now that I was a total immature moron it makes me sick.

 

Here is the next major blow. Three weeks after she got here a storm 2 weeks before a major hurricane (our first of three that year) knocked a tree down on our house. Power was gone and major structural damage, basically we lived in a hotel for three months, an apartment for five months and when the insurance had finally had enough my parents for another month. This was, to say the least a very stressful time for us both.

 

First she didn't know her way around here and didn't really know anyone but me and to top it off I was stressed about my job and the poor girl had noone but me and here I am still resenting the fact that she was here. We finally get back in the house and this is about the time that I started really seeing her for who she was and really started falling in love with her. Unfortunately in my immature ways and inability to handle stress properly I had been taking it out on her and basically drove her away. Go figure.

 

She ended up moving in with a mutual friend and I guess we were broken up. Even though I still stayed with her or she with me every weekend and we still did everything together. Throughout this time many arguements and fights occured and me being a total jackass said stupid things that I didn't mean such as I'll never get married and no I'll never leave this town and move to your hometown. I believe I was trying to win a fight or something and really didn't think.

 

Fast forward to today. I moved her back to her mothers (out of state) about a month ago. It was extremely tearful for us both and when I got on the train to come home without her the only thing missing was the film crew. She then moved up one more state to where she grew up and is living with friends. Needless to say getting back home alone gave me the time to contemplate my life. It hit me hard about a week later that I blew it severely.

 

I have since told her about where I have gone wrong and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with her in her hometown I will get rid of everything I own and leave my friends and family to be with her. Let it be known that this option was talked about prior to her leaving and we would just have to see how it panned out.

 

I am consumed. I now know exactly what I want from life and it all entails where she lives and her. I finishing the details on the house as I write this and am downsizing my life in order to be able to move as expeditiously as possible if and when the time arrises.

 

Here's the major problem. While we kept in contact the first three or so weeks and she was somewhat open to the idea to the point of actually inviting me up last weekend, I got a call on Wed prior to my leaving Friday saying that she was just not ready to see me. Mind you this was coming off of the best weekend yet of conversations. It killed me but I pulled it together and agreed to give her the time and space she requested. Today marks 8 days with no phone calls and basically no contact even through email. The last email I received from her was cold and all business (concerning my resume). There was no talk to you soon or hope you are doing well or even a goodbye. Crushing blow.

 

Anyway I had made her a promise to not call her and that she could always call me and that I would send her one short email a week as verification that I was still in love with her and my mind had not changed about moving to be with her and get married. I sent the first this previous Monday and I will continue to do so once a week. Here is my plan. In Mondays email I told her that the once a weeks would still come and I will not call her until my final week of class (approx 1 month). In that weeks email I am going to tell her that my graduation present to myself is a trip to her town.

 

She will get my itenerary such as my hotel, my dinner plans at one or more of her favorite restaurants and where I would probably spend my days. Of course everyone knows why I am doing this. I figure there are three options:1 she will stand me up and then I guess it will be time for me to accept that there is nothing more that I can do so I must move on. 2 She will show up and things will not be good news, such as bringing a new boyfriend or being absolutely pissed that I did this and my personal favorite: 3 She will meet me and things go for the better.

 

Sorry this is so long and if you took the time to read it I appreciate it. I truly love everything about this girl and am willing to make any sacrifice I can to make her life better for as long as she allows me to. I guess my question to you all is, Is this a crazy idea? She hasn't said no yet and one way or the other I am going to need "closure". Thanks for your opinions on this matter.

[BrokenSpirit]

My only question is this... Why did you realize she was so amazing ONLY after she was gone? And are you sure you wont resent her in any way anymore? Why are you still hung up on your ex? Im sure shes very afraid to let you in now because you hurt her...

 

I am fighting for the love of my life as well and its very hard... Im like you, I believe no matter the outcome I would like to know I gave it everything I had then to wonder if only I would have done this, could it have worked?

 

I know life isnt a movie or a fairytale, but if you have to do this in order to receive closure then go ahead... Its already in your head so people tellin you not to do it Im not so sure it will stop you, but make sure you prepare yourself for either outcome.

 

Good luck... :D

[surrealrain]

Hey there, It sounds like a confusing time for you...and for her. So I will give you my honest opinion. First of all it is either too late, and you have hurt her so bad that she will never forgive you, or she is waiting to see just how far you will go for her. Maybe she is the type of girl who doesn't think phone calls, and emails are personal enough. Anyone can send a quick email, or pick up the phone and dial a number, but how many people would go out of their way to go personally visit? I think you need to go see her now. Don't wait a month. A lot can happen in a month. She could go to Starbucks for a cup of coffee and bump into someone and fall deeply in love...so don't wait a month. The longer you put off seeing her, the less of a chance you're going to have.

I think you need to jump in your car, drive to wherever she is, get on your knees, and beg her for forgivness. Gets her some flowers, and a teddy bear or something, and go to her. Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself...if any part of her at all is still intrested, she'll love it. And if she doesn't...then at least you'll know. But I really don't think you should wait. Every day she is getting further away from you, and it won't be fair for you to go back after a month to see her. If she is important, go now. That will be a great way to start showing her she comes first. It's early on a Friday, you still have time!