luvtoto Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Would you involve yourself with someone who is legally separated, and not living with their spouse? I am on the verge of going on a date with a separated man. He told me right away that he is separated, not living with his X, getting a divorce, and that there is no chance in their marrige being saved. Viewpoints welcome!
BareGoddess Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I dated while I was separated..heck, I became ENGAGED while I was legally separated! But look, everyone's situation is different. I'd make sure it's REALLY over between them. Some couples get back together. My marriage was over though way before the actual physical separation.
blind_otter Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Yeah I was separated a long time because my exH is in federal prison, so it took a long time to mail the paperwork back and forth. I dated just fine. But it's important to make sure they aren't still hanging on to memories of the ex, or secretly hoping that they will get back together. Maybe find out who initiated the separation.
Craig Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Would you involve yourself with someone who is legally separated, and not living with their spouse? Me personally? No. I am separated, not living with my wife and believe that if I were to become involved with someone that it would not be good for them or myself. I need to heal, deal with the krap and do some thinking. I don't want to bring baggage to my next relationship, I want to be there 100% for the relationship and not be distracted by events--past, present or future. I also know that when the final divorce decree comes through that it will have an impact on me that I wouldn't be able to hide from a hypothetical SO. I am doing this for me mostly. That being said, there have been a couple of occasions where there has been very strong, mutual attraction to a couple of women in this period of separation. I could have gone out with them, they knew my entire story and were still wanting to be with me but I wouldn't and did tell them why. Damn! It is hard to walk away but I'm after long term happiness not just a f*ck buddy.
Author luvtoto Posted July 14, 2006 Author Posted July 14, 2006 Thanks BAREGODDESS & BLIND_OTTER. I guess, if he is ready to start dating again, then it is ok. Just watch for the red-flags? Sounds, like you weren't ready yet, CRAIG. And you were honest about your position. Which is admirable. My guy talks about his daughter, his friends, his work...and rarely talks about his X. I consider that a green light. He already seems as though he's dealt with things already, and gotten to the acceptance part. That is possible I suppose. I don't know how to approach him about the reasons why he's separated. We are just getting to know each other right now.
alphamale Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I don't know how to approach him about the reasons why he's separated. We are just getting to know each other right now. many seperated couples end up reconciling, especially if they have kids. the possiblity exists that they are not at the end of their respective ropes...yet.
BareGoddess Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I would not approach him about the reasons for the separation. I'd wait for HIM to bring it up at the appropriate time. As far as what Craig said, I was of the same mind. I wasn't really ready but I decided that I didn't want to sit around and be miserable. I'm glad I made that decision because I allowed myself to become friends with the man I'm now married to for over ten years.
norajane Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I might date them and get to know them better, but not exclusively until I see that they're over their ex and divorce proceedings are underway, or even signed. I'd be concerned about being the rebound relationship, the one where he heals/has sex and then drops once he has his life together again.
bab Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I think it also depends on how long they've been separated. It would need to be close to the divorce date.
Author luvtoto Posted July 14, 2006 Author Posted July 14, 2006 many seperated couples end up reconciling, especially if they have kids. the possiblity exists that they are not at the end of their respective ropes...yet. He has told me, without me asking, that he did reconcile with his X, but things didn't work out again.
Author luvtoto Posted July 14, 2006 Author Posted July 14, 2006 Oh, and another thing, I really thought I was gonna get bashed for 'technically' dating a married man. I mean, legally he still is. Thanks,all, for having an open-mind about it. I'll be careful, like always. Sometimes, I think, too careful.
Pyro Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Would you involve yourself with someone who is legally separated, and not living with their spouse? I am on the verge of going on a date with a separated man. He told me right away that he is separated, not living with his X, getting a divorce, and that there is no chance in their marrige being saved. Viewpoints welcome! I agree with everyone else. As long as you know the seperation will definitely lead to a divorce and there is no chance of any reconciliation, then it is o.k. to date. Good luck on the date Luv and be sure to share with us all the juicy details.
Author luvtoto Posted July 14, 2006 Author Posted July 14, 2006 Good luck on the date Luv and be sure to share with us all the juicy details. Oh, you know I will! Ha! Thanks, Riddler.
purspeed Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Go ahead and start banging her silly. Legal seperation = lonely and desperate for love w/out regrets.
Mr baseball Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I am a separated guy! I find most women do not like to date a separated guy because he is "legally" married. If he has not moved on mentally then there would'nt be any room for you romantically! If he has?.......Indulge!!!!!! Just because he is separated and not divorced does'nt mean he is not a great guy. You never know? This could be the best decision you have ever made!! Good luck!!!!
Author luvtoto Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 I am a separated guy! I find most women do not like to date a separated guy because he is "legally" married. If he has not moved on mentally then there would'nt be any room for you romantically! If he has?.......Indulge!!!!!! Just because he is separated and not divorced does'nt mean he is not a great guy. You never know? This could be the best decision you have ever made!! Good luck!!!! Thanks for the advice, Mr. baseball. He seems like a great guy! Honestly, he seems very normal. Ha! Alot more normal than the guys that have been single for years or someone who has never married. If that makes any sense.
westernxer Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I went out on one date with a woman who was separated. At the time I didn't know it. Her husband was in Japan, or something like that. The whole arrangement seemed strange, and I could see the pain in her face when she brought it up, so I didn't ask too many questions (can't remember if I asked any at all). Never saw her again. If I did, I'd probably hurt myself somewhere down the line.
alphamale Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 He seems like a great guy! And how did you meet this dude? Honestly, he seems very normal. Ha! Alot more normal than the guys that have been single for years or someone who has never married. If that makes any sense. What do you mean by "normal"? do you mean he's housebroken?
Author luvtoto Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 And how did you meet this dude? Met him online. And before you preach to me, I have met some nice guys on dating sites. I even know a few couple's who have been married after meeting online. So, don't go there with me. What do you mean by "normal"? do you mean he's housebroken? Well..., yea.
Stunner Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I think separated is ok....that's the place I am in...I was over my marriage ending about two years before I even left. After I moved out and filed I knew he would use whatever tactics he could to delay the finalization...therefore, I'm moving on using MY timeline..not his. He is simply trying to control my actions. I am dating a fabulous man now...we had the discussion about it. I let him know it was supposed to have been done the week I met him. It has now been delayed until the end of the month. We'll see, I'm not counting my chickens.
Author luvtoto Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 We'll see, I'm not counting my chickens. Yes, Stunner, I totally agree with you. I won't count anything yet.
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