Moodswing Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Hi everyone. Maybe you can explain things to me. My ex-boyfriend left me 6/7 months ago. I didn't trust him basically, and he was being contacted by several of his exes in private (letters/emails/texts) during our 2 year relationship. It ended in an argument and basically he'd had enough of me telling him to ignore these exes - they were all attached themselves and telling him 'wish you were here' and other childish and innappropriate messages. Anyway, we split, and I at the time wanted to have NC, but gave into him and agreed to stay friends. Well, here we are, I'm jealous because he's now interested in one of those exes and will probably attempt at getting back with her. I thought the best thing would be for me to attempt NC again, and this time I told him it's the only way, but in an emotional outburst I came out with a load of stuff about how I still wanted to be with him and now I'm waiting for him to reply - by email, odd, but sometimes more things can be said. Anyway, I still think NC is the only way forward, but please someone tell me - how did you do it, did you just not do anything and left it for him to suss it out, or did you actually tell him that's what's going to happen. I need the push - 7 months of being friends hasn't resolved anything for me, and in fact, we've been getting alot closer. I think he feels like I've pulled the rug from his friendship. Thanks X
sickkitty Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Hay babes, this guy sounds very childish, he sounds quite alot like my ex how broke up with me to "find himself" only 2 my shock that one week after he broke up with me he was round a girl how used 2 (and still did b4 we broke up)fancy him now they r seeing each other but he still denies it and says there just friends!! Bullsh*t Although its been 3 wks i still love this man 2 death he still wants to b friends and i want 2 awell but i cant deal with his lies so iv discided 2 have no contact, some times its the best way 2 really move on with ur life, although im constantly thinking what the hell is he up 2 But this is the best way, coz he will scew with ur mind and make u feel even worse (hope that made sense at work right now n typing really fast) lol Take care Amanda xx
francis Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 What eventually worked for me was the 'lightbulb' moment where it became so clear that we were never ever going to reconcile. Just reflect on your situation a moment; 1. During your two year relationship, he maintained contact with several other women in private (ex's no less). 2. He broke up with you. 3. You clearly have strong feelings for him, which it seems he is exploting to his own advantage. One thing I have learned, and what I have had male friends admit to me, is that men love to have their egos stroked. This man has total control over you and the situation. You are letting him call the shots, and make decisions that are impacting on your life in a negative way. I suggest that you remind yourself that you deserve better than to be treated this way. Move on, meet new guys, get out of the funk you are in which keeps you hankering after this guy even after 7 months. Why on earth would you want to hang around to witness him getting back with his ex-gf? Surely you have something better to do with your time that waste it on a guy who ditched you, but keeps you danging on a piece of string? Be strong.
Author Moodswing Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 Thanks for the advice guys - it's good to hear someone else's point of view - I've probably exhausted my girlfriends out!! In hindsight, I think I was his rebound girl anyway, he had been dumped by his wife months earlier than starting to see me, and I deliberately avoided him then, but he still came after me 6 months after. I know I'm making excuses for him, but he shouldn't have gone out with me I reckon. Shame, because maybe when his anger towards her had died down, we could have been a nice couple Well, I'll just have to let him make his own mistakes now - the other girl in question is married and has a baby boy, and she still tries to lure him into her web she's spinning - I just hope he sees sense before making a huge mistake with her. Time for me now I think
alphamale Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Time for me now I think i don't think so...your relationship with him is almost finished.
In Sync Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Hi everyone. Maybe you can explain things to me. My ex-boyfriend left me 6/7 months ago. I didn't trust him basically, and he was being contacted by several of his exes in private (letters/emails/texts) during our 2 year relationship. It ended in an argument and basically he'd had enough of me telling him to ignore these exes - they were all attached themselves and telling him 'wish you were here' and other childish and innappropriate messages. Anyway, we split, and I at the time wanted to have NC, but gave into him and agreed to stay friends. Well, here we are, I'm jealous because he's now interested in one of those exes and will probably attempt at getting back with her. I thought the best thing would be for me to attempt NC again, and this time I told him it's the only way, but in an emotional outburst I came out with a load of stuff about how I still wanted to be with him and now I'm waiting for him to reply - by email, odd, but sometimes more things can be said. Anyway, I still think NC is the only way forward, but please someone tell me - how did you do it, did you just not do anything and left it for him to suss it out, or did you actually tell him that's what's going to happen. I need the push - 7 months of being friends hasn't resolved anything for me, and in fact, we've been getting alot closer. I think he feels like I've pulled the rug from his friendship. Thanks X It is indeed a horrible feeling when someone you love is unwilling to go the distance with you...but you did try and this relationship is one that is no fulfilling too you. I am a hardcore NC advocate when hearing about relationships when there is a repetive pattern of disrespect. And from what you have written he had no problems prioritizing his other realtionship ahead of you. I have been there and I'm speaking from my experience of doing NC (9 months solid..I don't count the times before when I said I was doing it and wiggled around by reading e-mails and seeing him after a few calls...big mitake!) You simply do it. Make no contact and accept no contact. It's a tough and rough thing to do, and during that one time I broke it and I paid the price of bringing on more heartache BECAUSE the dynamics of the relationship will not change if both partners are not going to make a sincere effort. That meant for me he was not going to change and I became dependent on him changing to make me happy. I could not keep doing that. That's the reality of why I stuck with NC. I was dependent on the ex to make me happy. Are you depending on your guy to make you happy? NC means cutting out that dependency. That is like putting a fragile crystal glass in a racing car. NC is not a hostile act, but a decision to make a change and move forward. It's not a tool to manipulate your ex to contact you. It's a firm decision to rid yourself of the constant frustration and repetitive misery in that realtionship. The second reality is to understand NC is just the beginning of the road. It's not a magic potion but a process that you have committed to for your own well being. Sometimes we think it's a sign of love that you need to be in a relationship where there is all this woe and stress and fighting or unhappiness...we almost have come to accept that's normal. If you become tired of this vicious circle you will embrace NC and the begin bit by bit to see there is an alternative. Yes, it will take time to get familair with new habiits, new ways to spend your time, new relationships but if you don't give it a honets shot you'll stay stuck where you are. Good Luck! Find the strength to do soemthing for yourself.
fabulousgal Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 It is indeed a horrible feeling when someone you love is unwilling to go the distance with you...but you did try and this relationship is one that is no fulfilling too you. I am a hardcore NC advocate when hearing about relationships when there is a repetive pattern of disrespect. And from what you have written he had no problems prioritizing his other realtionship ahead of you. I have been there and I'm speaking from my experience of doing NC (9 months solid..I don't count the times before when I said I was doing it and wiggled around by reading e-mails and seeing him after a few calls...big mitake!) You simply do it. Make no contact and accept no contact. It's a tough and rough thing to do, and during that one time I broke it and I paid the price of bringing on more heartache BECAUSE the dynamics of the relationship will not change if both partners are not going to make a sincere effort. That meant for me he was not going to change and I became dependent on him changing to make me happy. I could not keep doing that. That's the reality of why I stuck with NC. I was dependent on the ex to make me happy. Are you depending on your guy to make you happy? NC means cutting out that dependency. That is like putting a fragile crystal glass in a racing car. NC is not a hostile act, but a decision to make a change and move forward. It's not a tool to manipulate your ex to contact you. It's a firm decision to rid yourself of the constant frustration and repetitive misery in that realtionship. The second reality is to understand NC is just the beginning of the road. It's not a magic potion but a process that you have committed to for your own well being. Sometimes we think it's a sign of love that you need to be in a relationship where there is all this woe and stress and fighting or unhappiness...we almost have come to accept that's normal. If you become tired of this vicious circle you will embrace NC and the begin bit by bit to see there is an alternative. Yes, it will take time to get familair with new habiits, new ways to spend your time, new relationships but if you don't give it a honets shot you'll stay stuck where you are. Good Luck! Find the strength to do soemthing for yourself. wow insync, thats a great post. let's try something like this on my threads next time
In Sync Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 wow insync, thats a great post. let's try something like this on my threads next time Thank you fabuousgal... p.s. Please excuse some of the typo I had in my prior response...Still using the two finger typing method..hee hee!
Author Moodswing Posted July 19, 2006 Author Posted July 19, 2006 i don't think so...your relationship with him is almost finished. Oh, that was meant to mean it's time for me to spend time 'for' me.
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 For me it was simple: I stopped calling him. I stopped answering the phone when he called me. I stopped answering the door when he came knocking. I don't respond to any messages, notes, etc. he leaves for me. I don't acknowledge his presence when I see him, regardless of what he does to get my attention. I refuse to discuss him AT ALL with anyone who may be in contact with him, and tell them that-I don't want to talk about it!
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