Confessed, now how to approach?

[dk28]

Hi, been reading this forum off and on for a while, first time poster. This is kind of a long story so please bear with me.

 

There’s a girl I’ve known since the midway of HS, lets just call her Jen. Throughout HS she was in a relationship with a friend/acquaintance of mine. I never really had any feelings for her aside from friendship, until our final year that is. I began to take a liking to her personality and just became more attracted to her in general. Obviously I opted not to pursue anything more than friendship since she was already with someone. After we graduated we would have the occasional chat online. I never really knew if she was still in a relationship with him. Contact became sparse. Fast forward two years* I’ve been trying my best to just forget about her since I know she is with someone new, but I still couldn’t help thinking of her from time to time. However, she began IMing me again after almost one year of no contact.

 

Recently she invited me to a HS get together at her place. It was there that I learned she had just broken up with her bf. There were serious problems with that relationship, from what I know there were multiple instances of domestic abuse, yet she kept going back to him. It broke my heart when I found out Jen ended up with someone like that, before I was content knowing she was with a good guy(old bf from HS). From what I’ve heard this new bf of hers that she just broke up with is a total loser. Because of the stress of this relationship she achieved poor grades in school, and might be forced to take a year off. So yea she’s dealing with a lot of problems right now. Despite all this I (selfishly?) decided to write her an e-mail, telling her how I felt about her. I couldn’t stand the thought of her ending up with another person like that without at least having told her how I really felt about her. She messaged me after she read the e-mail, and basically told me “it’s cool” that I have feelings for her but it’s a difficult time for her right now. We agreed that she would give me her new cell # as soon as her parents get it changed, so her ex can’t call her anymore. I’d love to just talk to her and hear how she really feels; I have her house # but just don’t feel it would be very appropriate to call right now. I told her I’d be willing to wait for her and give her the time she needs to get over her issues. But what I want to know is what should I be doing in the mean time? How long does it take a girl to get over a breakup such as this? How do I continue to build our relationship while she’s still healing from her previous one?

 

Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

[AwkwardMan]

The whole writing and telling you how you feel about her is pretty . "it's cool" doesn't equal .

 

That said, there's nothing wrong with calling her house. If she wants to talk to you she will. I think asking her on a date is much more likely to get you together and trying to talk to her on a phone is much more likely to get to hear about future bad boyfriends.

 

Good luck.

[hyakku]

Hi, been reading this forum off and on for a while, first time poster. This is kind of a long story so please bear with me.

 

There’s a girl I’ve known since the midway of HS, lets just call her Jen. Throughout HS she was in a relationship with a friend/acquaintance of mine. I never really had any feelings for her aside from friendship, until our final year that is. I began to take a liking to her personality and just became more attracted to her in general. Obviously I opted not to pursue anything more than friendship since she was already with someone. After we graduated we would have the occasional chat online. I never really knew if she was still in a relationship with him. Contact became sparse. Fast forward two years* I’ve been trying my best to just forget about her since I know she is with someone new, but I still couldn’t help thinking of her from time to time. However, she began IMing me again after almost one year of no contact.

 

Recently she invited me to a HS get together at her place. It was there that I learned she had just broken up with her bf. There were serious problems with that relationship, from what I know there were multiple instances of domestic abuse, yet she kept going back to him. It broke my heart when I found out Jen ended up with someone like that, before I was content knowing she was with a good guy(old bf from HS). From what I’ve heard this new bf of hers that she just broke up with is a total loser. Because of the stress of this relationship she achieved poor grades in school, and might be forced to take a year off. So yea she’s dealing with a lot of problems right now. Despite all this I (selfishly?) decided to write her an e-mail, telling her how I felt about her. I couldn’t stand the thought of her ending up with another person like that without at least having told her how I really felt about her. She messaged me after she read the e-mail, and basically told me “it’s cool” that I have feelings for her but it’s a difficult time for her right now. We agreed that she would give me her new cell # as soon as her parents get it changed, so her ex can’t call her anymore. I’d love to just talk to her and hear how she really feels; I have her house # but just don’t feel it would be very appropriate to call right now. I told her I’d be willing to wait for her and give her the time she needs to get over her issues. But what I want to know is what should I be doing in the mean time? How long does it take a girl to get over a breakup such as this? How do I continue to build our relationship while she’s still healing from her previous one?

 

Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

 

You my friend, are in the friend zone. I doubt you will be getting out. Spilling your feelings on her did not help. Especially right after she just got out of a relationship.

 

To be honest, I can tell you that what will probably happen is that she's telling you she doesn't want to be in a relationship now, but next thing you know she will be in one.

 

You've been thinking about her for what? Two or three years? That's ridiculous, especially because you hadn't even contacted her like half the time. Really man, what you need to be doing in the meantime is meeting other women, and really just stay friends, instead of trying to push this girl into a LTR. There are millions of great women out there man, a soul mate is a made up term made by people who don't wanna put any effort into dating, so they hope that one will fall out of the sky. Truth is, there are millions of great women, all with unique, wonderful personalities, you just need to get out there and meet them.