loving_coca-cola Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 So I've posted my story here earlier, but to make a long story short, we're both 20, went out for 7 months after he liked me for about a year. We were really happy together until the last 2 months where we started going on and off with both of us saying that we would break up but getting back together within days. We were spending too much time together. It came to a point where he finally called it off after a huge fight 3 months ago. He told me he needed space (a week) and sent me a loving email about how he didn't want to give up, but after talking about it with his frat brothers, decided to end it with me withing that day. So I went through that whole begging and crying phase which lasted about a week. When I stopped, he started popping up around campus wherever I was and making comments about how pretty I looked, but how he never intends to be with me ever again because it just won't work. 3 weeks after our breakup, he's with another girl. She's coincidentally going to the same location for study abroad as all of us for next semester. Personally, I'm confused with his choice because he's told me how she's not pretty at all and blah blah. But I guess what he said before doesn't really matter, and she looks like a really friendly girl. So pretty much they've been going out for a little over 2 months. I don't update it at all but he keeps on coming to my websute periodically. Maybe he's just curious as to what I'm up to because I haven't updated anything in a long time. All I know is that he himself posts pictures of her on his website and posts quotes about how she is the "one" so I recently stopped going after I realized I was only hurting myself by looking at it. Yesterday, he changed his profile picture to one of him and her together, and he deleted the online album which had pictures of us together which was pretty much my only hope. He's blocked me on AIM and I don't dare contact him by phone or email. I know it's over. Second chances may happen, but obviously it's not now. Sometimes I feel pathetic for still hoping for a second chance... Does it seem hopeless?
lil_angel Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 this screams rebound relationship. he's trying to get himself over you and convince not only you but himself that he really is. Best advice, let it go. No, you're not pathetic for hoping, I could write a book about that over my last ex lol. but despite what you may hope for, see the situation for what it is, and dont cause yourself more pain than necessary. if he wants to cut you out of his life, dont run your life based on him. eg. dont be afraid to date someone else just b/c he might get back w/ you, dont spend all your evenings pining over him, etc. sure, be friendly and open if he decides to contact you again, smile and say hi if you walk past him, but dont hold so tightly to hope that you dont move on. as long as he's in this self-deception you wont get through to him. over time, he will either finally decide to be honest w/ himself and be willing to seriuosly discuss a relationship w/ you again, or as harsh as it may sound, over time he really will get over you, and you'll just have to accept that. but in the meantime, despite the emotional rollercoaster and conflicting head/heart, do your best to move on w/ life and just dont worry abotu him. dont get caught in the same rebound trap, or date other people just to "show him" or anything, but just....live, go on, do the things you like, dont put your life on hold and dont invest too much energy or worry into him or what hes doing.
AriaIncognito Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 First of all, love your screen name. I'm an avid coca-cola drinker :-) Secondly, everything lil angel says is true. You need to do you best to move forward. Wanting a second chance, esp when you are the one that was "dumped" is very natural. Most of the time, we get over it, in our own time. It's hard. I currently am hoping for one myself, but the thing is, these things never happen if you dont resume living your life again. You need to be happy and move forward. Usually, they sense when you've moved on, and end up wondering why you've stopped pining, and then think about the whole idea of a second chance. Even if they don't, well you'll be too busy living life to notice... Good luck. Jennifer
toonicegirl Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 You need to be happy and move forward. Usually, they sense when you've moved on, and end up wondering why you've stopped pining, and then think about the whole idea of a second chance. i'm in the similar situation as you are loving coca-cola...my relationship lasted 6 months...he's dating new girl for about 2-3 months now (he started right after our break up)...i'm checking his website like everyday ...but the difference is that he wants to stay in touch with me... about a month ago he broke NC and is sending me messages like at least once a week...the thing is that she can see that and he's doing it knowing that it pisses her off you can read my thread titled: need a "second chance" feedback
Author loving_coca-cola Posted July 15, 2006 Author Posted July 15, 2006 Thanks for the replies guys. Yeah, at first I thought that it was a rebound relationship too. But aren't those when you're not really into that person but you date them anyway? It seems like he really likes this girl because he looks so happy in his pictures with her, so would that be considered a rebound relationship? I know I have to move on... I've been trying by keeping myself busy with summer courses and part-time jobs. It's real sad how most of the times, people say that your ex tends to come back AFTER you've already moved on. I hope this won't be the case for me... I'm just really scared of having to see them together when we all go study aborad in the fall. It'll really suck if I end up having a class with one of them, or to make it worse, both of them. But who can guess the future right? Is there anyone out there who actually came back after thinking that they loved (or actually did love) another person?
Guest Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 i completely agree wih lil angel and she's (i'm assuming you're female) right. but sometimes we get involved in another relationship right away, not because we didn't love our ex, but because we try to escape them and forget the past. i know i've done it before, trying to escape. it doesn't mean that your ex didnt or doesn't love you anymore, it may be he's just trying to get over you. and like lil angel said before...he may one day look back and realize what he's missing out on, and his true feelings for you...or he might move on. it's a painful reality but you have to carry on with your life. don't live for anyone else but yourself. and regarding the website thing...he could be just checking up your site because he's curious, like many of us are. don't think too much into that. you can also update yours and show how happy you are...if indeed you are happy.
lil_angel Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 haha, yup, quite female ;-) anyhow, a rebound doesnt necessarily mean you dont care about the other person at all. sometimes you dont and its just that, something to get over the other person. other times you may think you actually are in love with the new person when in reality its really more "in love with love". you like the new person for the ways they remind you of your ex, you like when they hold you because you like the feeling of being held, etc. however you dont necessarily realize this until later when the first "lovey dovey" stage starts to wear off and you realize that beyond that theres nothing really holding you together. or, it may be that it started off as a rebound, or like the above scenario, or whatever, and it really does actually end up being a real relationship as he gets to know her and he really does want to be with her.
toonicegirl Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 i like this thread and advices here... everybody here is so nice... hoping for a second chance is not something really bad.... i hear from my family :"you'd be stupid if you take him back one day" ...it's only because he's dating somebody else right now... but i think that i might consider second chance one day...right now im living my life, making new friends, etc... and i also think that his new girl is a rebound, cause he knew her before we've met and if she's the one there would be no relationship with me...is it true love?...i dont think so....for about a month (two months after break up) he's staying in touch with me..if he really cares about her, he wouldnt do it knowing that it pisses her off
Author loving_coca-cola Posted July 16, 2006 Author Posted July 16, 2006 You guys really are so kind and helpful. Thanks so much I didn't know that sometimes, people in rebound relationships can actually like the person (or think that they do). I guess I learned something new. I guess my situation is really similar to yours too. He knew this girl since the beginning of freshman year, but he never got with her. Only after breaking up with me (end of sophomore year) and him looking for a date for his frat formal did he come across her. I'm not sure whether this neccessarily means that they would have gotten together back then if they were meant to be, but I guess I can kind of see it being a rebound relationship now that you guys say it. For the time being, I am trying to go on with my life. Maybe they'll break up, maybe they'll end up being together. I can't really say whether they will or not because she really does seem like a really nice girl. But I don't know her in person so what can I say. Unless she's an angel I guess she has her flaws as well. As of now, I'm just really scared that September's approaching. We're all going to be at the same study abroad program and I don't know if I'm ready to have their relationship in my face. I'm scared...
toonicegirl Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 yeah....the best thing is to move on...im doing it.... it doesnt hurt that much anymore cause i know that he thinks about me (my thread in break up: "his reading my blogs")... i feel better knowing that he didnt forget and it's easier to do my thing... my two friends (already settled down and married) they told me that this new girl is not cutting it cause he wouldnt be so interested in my life... i know what you mean by being afraid of seeing them in september...i still didt see my ex since we broke up and im afraid of seeing them together somewhere...but it's still almost two months...maybe by them everything's gonna be more clear... you gonna be back with him or you gonna be over him...will see, you'll see
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