In a WAR ZONE Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 My story is very similar to sooo many others... yet soo different at the same time. I have been working in Iraq for a year now and during that year I have met a man. What started as a pure friendship has grown with time to something much deeper than either of us intended. He is married I am single. The main thing that seperates this from so many other threads I have read is the fact that we are with each other 24 hours a day 7 days a week for months on end! We get 10 days of vacation every 4 months where we can go home and he is with his wife and daughter. For the first 4 months we knew each other it was a straight friendship maybe a few nights of playing pool a week or watching a movie together to pass time living in a war zone with no where to go. When he left to go to his home country for R&R he called me 2 or 3 times a day while he was home which shocked me. We had never expressed interest in each other in any way other than friends.... Once he returned 2 weeks later things started to progress between us from beyond "friends only" over the next 2-3 months. To make that long story shorter we have now been intimate for almost 6 months. We sleep together EVERY NIGHT in the same room and like i mentioned earlier.. out of a 24 hour day we see each other atleast 15 hours out of each day. He has never told me he is unhappy with his wife or family. Actually he has told me the exact opposite of that. I asked why he called me when he was home on vacation and he said he missed me. We see each other so much that it is hard for us when we have a simple 2 weeks apart from each other. Our biggest problem is we have no "reality" to our AFFAIR! He does not have to "split" time with me and his wife. I dont ever get left for him to go home except for a small 2 weeks out of every 4-6 months. We are both from 2 different home countries as well. He is from Eastern Europe and I am from the U.S. I will be ending my contract overseas in another year and he is now looking for jobs in the States for his self. Are we lonely? Is this a normal occurance for married people who work far from home for LONG periods of time? I need help, advice, someone to talk to, anything that can give me perspective on what I am doing!
Bad_Monkey25 Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 My story is very similar to sooo many others... yet soo different at the same time. I have been working in Iraq for a year now and during that year I have met a man. What started as a pure friendship has grown with time to something much deeper than either of us intended. He is married I am single. The main thing that seperates this from so many other threads I have read is the fact that we are with each other 24 hours a day 7 days a week for months on end! We get 10 days of vacation every 4 months where we can go home and he is with his wife and daughter. For the first 4 months we knew each other it was a straight friendship maybe a few nights of playing pool a week or watching a movie together to pass time living in a war zone with no where to go. When he left to go to his home country for R&R he called me 2 or 3 times a day while he was home which shocked me. We had never expressed interest in each other in any way other than friends.... Once he returned 2 weeks later things started to progress between us from beyond "friends only" over the next 2-3 months. To make that long story shorter we have now been intimate for almost 6 months. We sleep together EVERY NIGHT in the same room and like i mentioned earlier.. out of a 24 hour day we see each other atleast 15 hours out of each day. He has never told me he is unhappy with his wife or family. Actually he has told me the exact opposite of that. I asked why he called me when he was home on vacation and he said he missed me. We see each other so much that it is hard for us when we have a simple 2 weeks apart from each other. Our biggest problem is we have no "reality" to our AFFAIR! He does not have to "split" time with me and his wife. I dont ever get left for him to go home except for a small 2 weeks out of every 4-6 months. We are both from 2 different home countries as well. He is from Eastern Europe and I am from the U.S. I will be ending my contract overseas in another year and he is now looking for jobs in the States for his self. Are we lonely? Is this a normal occurance for married people who work far from home for LONG periods of time? I need help, advice, someone to talk to, anything that can give me perspective on what I am doing! Alright, I may not be a civilain, but I have been there where you are. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t89485/ That is my story....Have fun while you can, cause it changes when you leave. My advice is don't try to label it, it's not worth getting your head all twisted in it. My MM still calls me, just enough to keep my hanging on. I should have ended it when we left Iraq, but I'm a fool, I didn't. There is a saying out there "what happens in Iraq, stays in Iraq" and I believe it to be true, it should stay there. Ayway, hope my post helps a little....
In a WAR ZONE Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 "But I believe in fate, and I believe everything happens for a reason (what ours was, I have no idea)" You mentioned this line in your own post and I am thinking this same thing myself. My theory on it is it must be happening because we both need someone to lean on or seek comfort from while we are there. Once this is all said and done with us we will be spending 2 1/2 solid years together and that is what scares me about this. The only thing I have noted from your post that will be different for me is that unless i move to EUROPE I will come home to the States and he to his own country and we may be forced right there to end any contact. Thanks for your reply, it is good to atleast know I have other people who understand the fullness of the situation!
Bad_Monkey25 Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 "But I believe in fate, and I believe everything happens for a reason (what ours was, I have no idea)" You mentioned this line in your own post and I am thinking this same thing myself. My theory on it is it must be happening because we both need someone to lean on or seek comfort from while we are there. Once this is all said and done with us we will be spending 2 1/2 solid years together and that is what scares me about this. The only thing I have noted from your post that will be different for me is that unless i move to EUROPE I will come home to the States and he to his own country and we may be forced right there to end any contact. Thanks for your reply, it is good to atleast know I have other people who understand the fullness of the situation! I know there are more things like this that happen in Iraq than people like to say for that very reason : You both need someone to lean on. Being in Iraq is hard, it's even harder when you are in the military, but to be there 2 years straight, by choice....that's a wingdinger. Good luck, and if you need help, don't be afraid to post.
In a WAR ZONE Posted July 16, 2006 Posted July 16, 2006 Thank you for your feed back! Yes I do believe we are "leaning" on each other and this leads to another fear of mine. Will there be a point where we have spent so much time together that it will feel different for him to go home to his wife whom he NEVER see's? I know the more time you spend around someone the more attached you will be and I fear this. I am soo scared of what it is going to be like when I come home for good after spending over 2 years straight with someone and then just dropping it. I have even tried taking "days off" from him there, but my room is located directly across from his room... so if I walk out of my room and take 2 steps I am at his door so it is really hard for us to "BE APART" Any Input from ANYONE????
Bad_Monkey25 Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 Thank you for your feed back! Yes I do believe we are "leaning" on each other and this leads to another fear of mine. Will there be a point where we have spent so much time together that it will feel different for him to go home to his wife whom he NEVER see's? I know the more time you spend around someone the more attached you will be and I fear this. I am soo scared of what it is going to be like when I come home for good after spending over 2 years straight with someone and then just dropping it. I have even tried taking "days off" from him there, but my room is located directly across from his room... so if I walk out of my room and take 2 steps I am at his door so it is really hard for us to "BE APART" Any Input from ANYONE???? Have you tried to tell him this stuff?
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Have you tried to tell him this stuff? Yes, in so many words I have. Problem is he also is blinded by our distance from his W. Neither one of us will grasp the reality until we leave Iraq.
Bad_Monkey25 Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Yes, in so many words I have. Problem is he also is blinded by our distance from his W. Neither one of us will grasp the reality until we leave Iraq. When ya'll finally do grasp the reality, it's gonna hurt. I was with mine for a year over there...2 years....twice as bad. You tend to get attached to people over there, as friends, and do miss them when you leave, so you are gonna get attached no matter what, but I think it would be a better (much better) attachment if it was JUST friends. I wish I could go back everyday and change that one thing, that we never crossed that line. Now we can never really be friends. But yours and my situation are a little different, you guys are from differnet countries. Just ask yourself what you want outta this. Friendship? Sex? Someone to lean on? I think you'll find your answer in that. Yes it will be different going home to your H, as it will be going home to anything after being away for 2 years. I had to get used to driving and NOT trying to bump people off the road and out of my way (ha ha...) i had to get used to my daughter all over again, too. That part---readjusting---is real hard, especially when you get used to someplace else, so expect that. As far as your H, I think if you love him, you'll get back into the swing of things with him, it just takes time.
Guest Posted July 19, 2006 Posted July 19, 2006 Here's another problem! I dont have a Husband at home. He is the one with the wife, but I am 100% SINGLE (besides being with him) all I have at home is a daughter. Yes, once I get home there will be a lot of adjusting to do... but getting used to an empty side of the bed that was filled for 2 years is going to be the worst. I suppose it will be like any broken relationship only this one will NOT come from the typical "break-up" scenarios. I am also worrying about this situation because recently he has been looking for jobs in the States and he plans to come work here when we are finished in Iraq. His family will still be behind in his home country while he works here. This could end up going on for 3 or 4 years and I am scared of the outcome down the road. Will he ever decide he has been away from his family too long to reconnect with them? Will his wife get sick of him being gone? Will he go back after a 4 year "vacation" from married life and all will be fine? Where will I be when this ends????????? By the way... funny one about the getting used to driving and not driving people off the road. Im only a passenger on convoys, but i kind of like the idea of the WHOLE freeway shutting down when I am cruising down it!
Recommended Posts