laRubiaBonita Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 so we have been dating over 2 months. the past 2 weekends i was house/ cat sitting in georgetown, at an amazing row house, for a friend. the first wkend he had to work all week end, not a big deal, even though i came home to see him, at least once, maybe twice. i live about 40 miles from G'town, about a 45 min. drive. this past weekend, he did not come down either. i did come back and spnd time with him, hell i even stayed one night at his place. so now i am back home, and i wanted him to come over tonight, but he will be mowing the lawn.....big f***ing deal! what, that will take him maybe an hour, lawns are not a difficult thing. granted, he does have his house to himself, as his parents leave during the summer, but really you can only use that excuse the first a nd last weeks of parental freedom. i do not get his deal. he says this and that, i love you blah blah, but he wil not drive his ass to see me? i have not really said much of how frustrated on the verge of pissed i am yet..... need some advise..... Am i being unreasonable if i feel like i am putting to many miles on my car for someone that will not even return the favor? personally i think he should pick me up if he wants me to hang with him.
Walk Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 No one responded.. so I thought I'd get the ball rolling. Have you talked to him about this? I guess indirectly, you asked him to come over which should jar someone enough to say "hey, she comes here all the time, I should go there once in a while." Couple things though.. You said you're house sitting? I was kind of confused on this aspect. Are you temporarily living there right now, and is that where he would be going if he "came over"? I was thinking this might cause him some discomfort. I don't like going over to a 3rd party's house when the original owner isn't there. Makes me feel like I'm invading. If the above is true, (house-sitting) then when you and your bf get together, do you go out? Or just stay at his house mostly? It might be that he doesn't see the point in driving out to pick you up when it means he has to make the trip 4 times, and you would only have to drive the distance twice. There and back. It would be more logical for you to drive there, than for him to pick you up at that point. If you're talking about being upset that he doesn't come over to Your own place, then his actions seem rather self-centered. I'd take his actions over his words. As long as you aren't singleing out just one action and ignoring the rest. Sounds as if he's either being selfish in his "freedom" from his parents, or maybe he'd like a little more time alone and doesn't feel he's getting it. If it's something he feels you want, and he's not as gung-ho about, then he's going to make you do the work to make it happen. If he had wanted it too, then he would put forth some effort to make it happen. (ie pick you up) Personally, I'd talk to him first, and explain that I would appreciate it if he'd want to pick me up or hang out at my place, and ask why he doesn't. If telling him directly what you want doesn't work... then decrease the calls and visits. I don't think there's an easy way to handle this really. I think you have every right to feel like your being taken for granted in this. You're putting forth all the effort to see him, and he's putting mowing the lawn above coming to see you. You start to feel like your being used and your effort is unappreciated. Problem is... he may not want to see you as much as you want to see him. Two months into a relationship he should still be at the point where he wants to see you all the time, and spend time with you. Putting his best foot forward, and meeting you half-way. I'd see it as a bad sign if he's already decided he'd rather not put the effort into seeing you. Talk to him first. Then see what happens.
Stunner Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Well hon...I agree with the above post, I think you should ask him if there is something that makes him uncomfortable with the situation. My new man has gone completely out of his way to come pick me up...instead of canceling a date one evening recently he drove an hour and a half to his business destination, an hour and a half back to his house to shower and dress, then another 40 min to my place. AND, didn't even bat an eyelash. He APOLOGIZED for having to pick me up a little later than we originally planned! The next week I offered to drive to his house so he wasn't feeling that the burden was all on him. He really appreciated it. It needs to be reciprocal, IMO. Get it out there in the open and find out the scoop... It really does feel nice to know someone is willing to go out of his way just to spend time with you.
jerbear Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I have a friend who drove 200 miles every weekend to see his gf. He did this for 2+ years. I did something similar to see a girl every week and drove 100+ miles about 1.5 hours (to get home). Sometimes after work, see her & go home. 45 minutes is tame to me but some just don't like to drive. I'm sure g'town is fun to drive during rush hour? A 1 mile stretch may take 15 minutes! :rolleyes: Lawns are a pain in the behind, I do not know what he has to mow but even if it is one hour, it is humid, hot, and sunny outside! Enough to finish cutting the lawn, get some lemonade and sleep on a hammock under a tree. Talk to him that he might not be appreciative of your actions.
Author laRubiaBonita Posted July 14, 2006 Author Posted July 14, 2006 sorry i never responded back. He did come over last night actually, so all was well! i really think, since we are still new, i do not want these things to become bad habits, that i will have to deal with..... Gotta Nip it in The Bud! in reality, i do like to drive myself, and i cannot smoke in his car... so it is not even a deal that he does not pick me up all the time, plus my house is outta the way........ But it is NICE to be ASKED. he is also buying me golf clubs....... i have never golfed, just put-put and i caddied for my dad when i was 8........ anyways.....he likes to golf, wants me to golf with him.... so now i cannot say i do not have clubs....
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