sunnie23 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Does anyone know what the difference is between the end of the honeymoon phase, and just simple loss of interest in one's partner?
blind_otter Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 They kind of go hand in hand. Really, though, I think that when you lose interest, you lose interst completely and for all time. With the end of the honeymoon phase there is still affection, it just gets annoying. But it's like they annoy you and you still want to be around them on some level. That was confusing.
Jas Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 But it's like they annoy you and you still want to be around them on some level. That was confusing. Ha, I've been wondering the same thing for a little while now, and BO's answer puts me at ease. I've def. felt more annoyed...but still affectionate, so I guess there's still some interest!
Walk Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 BO was accurate. In my experience... its when you start to see all their annoying habits and traits. You aren't quite so blinded by lust. But its more like... finding a torn hole in your favorite pair of jeans. They are still great jeans, you still want to wear them all the time... its just that you've realized they aren't so perfect as you thought. Not that they aren't great, but just not that fairy tale perfect anymroe. That's not quite right either... Kind of a poor example. It's like washing your car and seeing all the dings and scratches after you buff the wax out. You still love your car. Has flaws, you see them. Losing interest. You see the dings and scratches and your first reaction is thinking you'll tradi it in tomorrow, or as soon as you have the cash. That's kind of how I view it... You start to see the flaws, and good doesn't outweight 'em.
jerbear Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I second B_O & Walk's views. Honeymoon is when you notice the flaws and deal with it. Lost of interests is when you just leave it alone and don't want it. The car analogy is good. Makes me want to trade the car in now!
Chinook Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 It's like washing your car and seeing all the dings and scratches after you buff the wax out. You still love your car. Has flaws, you see them. Losing interest. You see the dings and scratches and your first reaction is thinking you'll tradi it in tomorrow, or as soon as you have the cash. That's kind of how I view it... You start to see the flaws, and good doesn't outweight 'em. Yeah, I like that analogy. It's when you see these flaws and still love the person as much in spite (and sometimes because) of them.
Jas Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 To continue w/ the analogy... What if you occasionally think of trading it in, but aren't quite sure? I have days where I'm happy and content with my relationship, and others where I feel we're just not right for each other. (me and my car, of course ) It's like I have a bi-polar relationship. I can't figure out if this is my own issue, or a symptom of something wrong w/ us. It's funny because we're right at the 2 year mark where all the experts talk about this stuff happening. Still, I don't know what to make of it.
blind_otter Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 For me, when I lose interest, even the sound of them breathing irritates me. I find myself hanging out with other people and trying to find excuses to stay out longer because I don't want to go home and see the annoying face, that suddenly has flaws but only because I'm actually looking for flaws. And I stop caring to communicate or work things out. I let things snowball until I have an excuse to leave, even if minor behavioral adjustements could correct the issue.
Jas Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 ... but only because I'm actually looking for flaws. If only I could stop that vicious cycle. Once you start looking...they're all over the place!
Walk Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 To continue w/ the analogy... What if you occasionally think of trading it in, but aren't quite sure? I have days where I'm happy and content with my relationship, and others where I feel we're just not right for each other. (me and my car, of course ) It's like I have a bi-polar relationship. I can't figure out if this is my own issue, or a symptom of something wrong w/ us. It's funny because we're right at the 2 year mark where all the experts talk about this stuff happening. Still, I don't know what to make of it. This is a good question... I've never figured it out. What I do know is if I stay on the teeter totter but don't sway to hard either way for too long, then I'll stay with the person. I don't know if that's good or bad though. More like the good and bad are at the same weight and if one aspect is more prevelant one day, then I sway that way. But I don't have that feeling of stability that the good outweight the bad. Can't just look at him and think "sheesh, whatever.. look at all this great stuff I have in him.. so that little tiny thing doesn't even affect me." Instead I start leaning further away... wishing he'd do something to try to make those dents and scratches not so glaringly bright.... like actually want to give me a hug once in a while. Or actually show that he thinks I'm good looking.... Sometimes he does and I lean the other way and want to be with him... back and forth, back and forth... Well... that really didn't offer anything in the way of an enlightening answer to your question... sorry.
whichwayisup Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 In my experience... its when you start to see all their annoying habits and traits. You aren't quite so blinded by lust. Then it's the test to see what the relationship is based on. Lust/sex? Or real long lasting love.
Jas Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Whoa...Walk, I couldn't have expressed it better myself. That's exactly how our relationship is. I was just thinking today how it'd be nice to know he likes the way I look. I think we have our fights when that teeter totter hasn't swayed on the positve side in awhile. My guy seems to handle things differently. I've explained to him that I feel this way, and worry about our future a lot. He says he worries and has concerns, but not to the same severity that I do. How do guys always manage to retain their contentment? I wish I could. It would be nice to have that feeling of stability. My other issue is - I'll expect him to be the one to give me that hug, make that loving comment and I wonder if that's fair? I always wait for him to be the one to change the atmosphere. That seems selfish, but it's like I depend on his cues or something. I'd like to hear everyone else's take on the teeter-totter analogy...
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