spinnelli Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 How do you handle a case where the ex still wants to be the friends? call you up and do things almost as if you're still together minus the intimacy. We still hang out and even have made future plans. Because our break up was somewhat amicable, he has to go "find himself", with the whole "maybe in the future" thing hanging over our head. I know that maybe means probably NOT so I'm not holding out hope. In the meantime, I just want to move on. It's hard for me to talk to him and hear about his activities that I'm sure he's probably doing with his new dates, although I don't ask because hearing it from his mouth will just break me. It's hard for me to hang out with him knowing that I'm no longer a priority in his life, I'm just another girl that he calls up when he's bored or whatever. But on the other hand, I don't want to admit to him that it's hard for me to be his friend because I still have strong feelings for him and I don't want to be just a friend. That will just lead to another akward conversation where he will start feeling guilty and apologize for breaking my heart. I don't want to play victim anymore, I don't want to play the weakling who is just sitting at home pining for him, anymore. That was the way he saw me when we first broke up and I'm tired of the whole "poor me" attitude, I don't need his pity. I don't want to be rude but I'm thinking of just gradually stop answering his calls without explanation. Maybe out of every 10 calls, I'll answer 1. Until whenever.... I don't think so much of the future or what will happen, I just take it one day at a time....
morphius Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Spinnelli, Sorry to hear your having a rough time, Personaly, I think that if you have been in a serious relationship it is nigh impossible to "stay friends" especialy if in your case one party still has strong feelings for the other. I know where your coming from my ex was my best friend for 3 years before we finaly split about a week ago. I have initiated NC, because even though we are so close there's no way I could handle hearing about her new dates etc... In my humble opinion, NC is the only way until both parties have moved on. Morph
MrPot Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Morphius is dead-on. I don't think "friendship" is really possible at all until both parties are completely over each other. I'm in a similar position. I was best friends with my ex for about a year, then we dated for 6 months, and she ended it about 6 weeks ago. I tried remaining friends and I still do plan to do so, but I've been pulling away and doing the "NC" thing. I plan on being friendly with her and not telling her my plan, but my plan is to see her/speak to her as infrequently as possible in the coming weeks/months. I think your plan is perfect, Spinelli. When you do answer that 1 call out of ten, don't tell him your feelings. Sound happy, in fact. Just tell him you've been really busy. Keep the conversations short. Treat him like an afterthought. This will have the effect of making it more likely to get him back (if you want him) and making it easier to move on, if you decide you are done with him.
blind_otter Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 How do you handle a case where the ex still wants to be the friends? You tell them that they are delusional if they think that it's possible to erase the memories of a LTR in a short period of time and that they are just trying to make themselves feel less guilty about a painful emotional issue and are trying to avoid dealing with it by using you as a surrogate until they feel better about the end of the relationship at which time they will most likely stop calling or hanging out and then you'll deal with the emotional fallout because continued contact has delayed your ability to get over the breakup. Run on sentences rock!
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