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asking your bf if he wants to move back with his exwife for the kids?


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Posted

I see how badly not having his kids around hurts my bf. His exwife wanted him back and I believe still does. He obviously wanted me because he didnt go back to her.

 

Now with the threat of another man moving in with his kids I feel that it is going to tear my bf apart. I was thinking about talking to my bf and asking him if he wanted to go back to her. I mean we are moved in together and I really do love him but sometimes I catch him in tears because he misses his kids so much. Now she is moving and I think he will only see them every other sunday. Where are now we see them every other sunday but twice a week for dinner.

 

This is really stupid right? I mean he sold his race car that he built 10 years ago by himself for the down payment on my engagement ring. He is using every extra penny from lunches and so forth to pay this ring off. I just want to do what is right for him.

 

I really do love him please dont get me wrong but sometimes i feel guilty. or that i am holding him back from his kids or something. even though he has never said anything to make me think i have.

Posted

He's a grown man, he is able to make his own decisions. I am dating a divorced man. He misses the kid, not the exW. Don't get the two confused.

Posted

By you even mentioning anything like that, you may make him think that you really don't want to be with him. I don't think you should even mention it, unless you're ready to let go of him.

Posted
He's a grown man, he is able to make his own decisions. I am dating a divorced man. He misses the kid, not the exW. Don't get the two confused.

 

BO's right. Distress at leaving your children is not distress at leaving your exw. It doesn't mean he wants to go back, nor does it mean going back to a marriage that didn't work would be better for the children. He's just accepting the way things are.

 

I think your better off talking to him about how he's feeling, but no need to make an offer like that.

 

How long has it been since they split?

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Posted

They have been divorced between a year and half and 2 years this october. I dont know the exact month because he lied to me while we were just starting to date. Adding quite a few months on because we were friends a while before that and he knew I wouldnt date anyone who is under a year after a divorce.

 

The problem is is that he told me had she not divorced him they would still be married because the relationship was ok. (not to mention she cheated on him and then filed for divorce to be with the man she had the affair with) However, for some reason he forgave her for her affair and wanted her to stay married to him but she still left. Which tells me he loved this woman a lot. So why couldnt it be rekindled?

 

I am not saying i would move on and live a happy life minus my bf but i would just concentrate on schooling and my kids right now and things would be alright. not good but not devastating. If that makes me sound like i dont love him then i dont mean it like that. I would miss him badly. and id be sad for a very long time.

 

I just cannot watch him be like this. I mean imagine if you only got to see your kids once every two weeks. And i feel badly for going to the library for quiet study time every sunday that he has the kids. but i have no choice. i have to take care of my family (my two kids) first. And my schooling will benifit them greatly. and it will benefit him and his kids. I dont knwo what to do anymore.

Posted

talk to him about how it hurts you to see him suffering. see what HE wants to do, with HIS life. How about that?

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Posted

You know what Blind otter you are exactly right. Whos to say if i broke up with him he would go back to her anyway? or that i would be sending him back to a life only to get cheated on again? Why do i always feel like i want to make situations better even at my own sacrifice? I am clearly not holding him back because when we started dating and she knew it she made my life a living hell for 6 months but i stayed through it because there was something special about him and our relationship. she begged for him back literally everyday at least twice a day for 6 months and finally when that didnt work out she said they had slept together to break us up. And since the last ditch effort didnt work she gave up and things have been almost perfect and very quiet for about 3 months now. All in all he had his chance and he still picked me. so why would i think he wouldnt pick us now? I just dont know how to comfort him. In all reality they will like that guy the way my kids like him. my kids love their dad and always will but they really do wish my bf and i would just get married and were excited when he moved in. I guess if you think about it its not just me i would be hurting but my own children too. what a mess!!!

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