LaurenMichelle Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I dont' have kids, this is about my boyfriends 7 year old son. My boyfriend has primary custody of his son as of May. My boyfriend and thier son's mother have never been together since he was born. Basically M got pregnant didn't tell boyfriend and left him (they were going to get married). She then married another guy and told everyone that her son's father was the other guy. When son was 1 year old she brought him to my boyfirend's house and told him he was his son and did he want to take care of him for the weekend? Since the son looked alot like my boyfriend at that age he believed her and started to get to know his son. Well he had him every weekend for about a month and then the boy's mohter told my boyfriend to "just keep him" that she didn't want him back and she didn't see the son for about another year. So my boyfriend was a single parent until their son was about four years old (the whole time the son lived with his dad and M didn't have any contact with the son unless the dad tried to get her to see him and then she might stop over for a few hours. I have known my boyfreind since his son was 2 years old (we were friends but never dated until later) and once when I was at his house his son came over to me with a picture album (he was 3 at the time) and showed me a picture of his mom and said "thats mommy" and then he wanted to hang the picture on the wall. That broke my heart cuz I knew he missed his mom. Anyway when son was 4 the M decided she wanted to be a parent again (after the dad took her to court for child support) and so she asked to start seeing the son again. Dad(my boyfreind) said ok and dropped him off at her house. She refused to bring him back and took my boyfreind to court for child support lying to teh judge saying that my boyfriend never saw his son (when the son lived with his DAD full time). my boyfriend (he wasn't my boyfriend at the time) tried calling the police to get his son back but there was no custody agreement at the time. So he went to court to try to get custody of his son. The judge ended up giving htem joint custody and he had to pay child support (because she didn't work) she had another child by this time with her live in boyfrined) so they shared custody of the son. he started school and the M had him during the week for school and the dad had him on weekends. Well when the summer came he was supposed to get his son every other week and the mother would also share holidays. Well the M saw her son once the whole summer. She never even called him on his birthday. She lives about 5 minutes from my boyfriend and she NEVER stopped to see her son the whole summer even though seh was supposed to see him every other week. She even changed her phone number. She also moved out of state without telling my boyfriend. He was still paying child support to her even thogh he had his son the WHOLE time. He tried to get her to see their son cuz the boy missed his mom adn kept asking about her. So recently after the mom hadnt seen their son for over 9 months (didn't even call on Christmas day) he took her back to court to try to get full custody. He didnt' have her address becasue she had moved and not told him. He finally found her and she refused to show up for the hearings. They rescheduled the hearings twice. She never did show up so they did a phone conference. The judge gave my boyfriend primary custody and the mom gets to see her son one day durign the week for 3 hours and every other weekend. She aslo gets to see him two weeks (of her choice) a year. During the custody trial the mom admitted to the judge that she only saw the son about 6 days a YEAR! and that she said she had told my boyfriend to keep the son for awhile till she got her life straightened out? She had NEVEr discussed anything like this. she moved and didn't even tell my boyfriend. He had to call her mother to ask where she was and the mother didn't want to tell him the new address. So anyhow, the son is now seeing his mother every other weekend and once each week. THe mother twice now (since May) has failed to come get the son for the visitation. she doesn't call and she just doesn't show up. THe 2nd time it happened my boyfriend called her and she said "oh I forgot, I'll see him next week" How can you "Forget" to see your own child? The son asks me why aren't his paretns togehter like the ohter kids at school's parents? and when he asked his mom this she told him it was all his dad's fault. She tells him everything is all his dad's fautl. That she can't buy things for him because his dad stopped paying her child support (he had it dropped because he has primary custody) and that she never saw him all those other times before because his dad woudnt' let her (which is total BS). I'm not saying the dad is perfect because I"ve heard him just the other day say to his son "so your mom's trying to buy your love now huh?" and I got upset with him because I told him not to bash the son's mom no matter what. Its not a 7 year old's fault that his parents don't get along. Or that his mother is an irresponsible idiot. I'm sure that his mom loves him but how can one just stop all contact with your child when you live five minutes away? I coudl see if your ex is abusive or threatening to you but my boyfriend is not like that to her. He gets irritated with her because he cant' count on her to see their son on a regular basis. So the problem is that I've noticed ever since the son has had to see his mom on a regular basis he now cries at EVERYTHING. We will be at the park and he won't let his dad out of his sight! He seems to think his dad is going to leave him there or something! Also he gets upset, frustrated over the littlest things. If he doesn't get his way he just screams! He is always telling his dad that he's mad at him and every single time he comes back from his mother's he is in the worst mood. He will yell at his dad and flip out for no reason. I"ve tried talking to him about his mom and he wont say much (I think the mom tells him not to say anything to his dad) but I worry because last year (when he was living with his mom and her boyfirend when he was in school) one time the son told me that his mom's boyfrined let him watch this movie (when he was five years old) and he told me that the movie was of "this lady put the guy's pee pee in her mouth" and he asked me why did they do that? I was furious adn told my boyfreind and he spoke to the mother and her boyfriend and they denied letting him watch the porn. I try not to get in teh middle of anything but hte son's behavior has changed so much. he used to be such a sweet fun loving kid who just got upset once in awhile. Now he is very needy and very demanding and if he wants something and doesn't get it he will just throw a huge tantrum!! I mean he will sceam and cry like he is dying. And EVERYTHING upsets him. IF he sees somethign he wants or one of his cousins has a new toy and he wants it and dad says no he will just fly off the handle! Dad knows its a problem but doesn't know what to do. He just puts up with it and tries to pacify him. I knwo that it must be hard for a seven year old to go from two households hearing bad things about both parents in each. My boyfrind attended these free classes that were recomended by the court. They were for paretns of divorce and how to help your kid adjust. But the classes didnt' really pertain to his situation because he and the mom have NEVER lived together after the son was born so the son dones't knwo what its like to live with both parents. HE's always gone back and forht (when the mom was interested in him) I dont know what to do but I feel terrible for teh son and want to help him and haev no clue how.
littlekitty Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 My god. How do people do this to their children. What kind of mother is she? :sick: I think the little chap needs some independant counselling for his issues. He's be abandonded more than once by his mother, doesn't understand what's happened, and is scared and upset. Poor little mite. Thank god you and his father are around for him. Please, see if you can get him some help... I think he'll need it to help him get his feelings straight.
Outcast Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 I second that. You absolutely MUST get that little guy to a good kid's shrink. And do not listen to any 'I don't believe in counselling' BS from the boyfriend. The little boy is in trouble and could go on to act out very badly (read: become violent or turn criminal) unless the tendencies you're seeing now are dealt with by someone who is competent in dealing with issues like that. Refuse to accept any other answer from the BF. His son's in trouble and ignoring it will NOT make it go away.
YellowLioness Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 I cannot imagine the trauma that child has witnessed. He definately needs to get to a child psychaitist. If this problem goes unchecked, he will likely be affected for life. I believe that your boyfriend should sue for sole custody. It sounds like the child was potentially molested. I am not saying that for sure; it just sounds familliar to other cases I have seen. I am not a psychologist by any means. You would have to go to a psychaitrist to find out. Likely, it will take a long time in therapy before he will be able to testify at a trial. Good luck. I am very sorry for the little boy.
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