bunnyear Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 People who read my previous post would know my story: a married man and a married woman who made a contract about ''friendship with benefit'' then the married woman put bit too much emotion in (like in the most story) and get lost and feel insulted. as that guy maybe obsessed with whore or Madonna/whore complex. Hence He loves his wife and respect her but f***ing outside of the marriage and doing whores and enjoy all this. He is honest. Even he told this woman that he does whore and it is not what he is looking for from this relationship between him and her. something different. not a life long relationship but as long as they intrigue each other. there is base for more. sex , fun, friendship etc. But the woman still feel like a whore. they dated in London once. in Amsterdam once. (a 3rd city where they are not resident). The married woman feels lost and insulted as: 1. even the man saying he is not looking at her as whore. but during sex talk in bed and his behaviour. The women feels she is a whore. Also after she flew to see him in Amsterdam. He dropped her next day in the airport 7 hours in advance as his business conference call. 2. Not equal. apart from feeling like a whore. she also feels like she is either like a employee or either like a mistress. Patronize! but no one is taken. She wanna be equal. 3. cannot be equal. as the guy is 30 years oldder---AGE financial--She is a student. He is a CEO. She did take the travel fare money from him as he insisted it is principle. that is all. she didnot take anything else from him apart from this airline ticket money. ( and now she insists to return to him all the cash) 4. He is quite self-centred. Found all married cheatng guys have 2 things in common: (1) they are blablablabla talking about their life story and hardly show interest in ur personal life. even u do a test --mention a bit. he will eitehr get bored and change topic back to him OR he will become judgemental even before u finish ur topic. hold on! he doesnot even know u v well by couple of date. how can he judge just as he is oldder and wordly? (2) they all say that their wife gave them the key to go out of the marriage to have fun. NC. after 3 , 4 dates, the woman feel that ''alienation of affection'' man became quite distant. And she tired to stop this sexuall relationship. the man wanna still get hold of her by saying'' stay trustworthy friends'' now the woman feel sad and lost . wanna NC. the man said: '' respect ur choice. u deserve that. take good care and be nice to urself'' woman also wanna return all the money to him. if he has business trip in the UK next time. she wanna return those cash. she said it is not a game and she is sincere. he said: will contact u , when next time i m in xxx( my city, but he never has business trip in my city). u can return if u want. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Dont wanna talk about moral here. and dont wanna blame him as it was my fault to step into this from the v begin. I just dont know what I have done wrong that I deserve his insult and whore/madaona ? I cannot think of any reason so now I drew all the fault into I took his money for my travel ticket. so all i can do now to make myself to feel better is return his money (maybe bit more tips) and NC. also feel bit strange while he didnot try any effort after I mentioned NC.
magichands Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I guess you feel sad because he was pretending to be your friend? At least, he was saying he wanted to be your friend, but you were not getting any respect in the bedroom - where you feel the most vulnerable. You seem to suggest that he is not really interested in the real you, your feelings, and your life - in the way that he is always talking about himself. So it doesn't look to me that you're getting much out of this friendship. You ask what you did wrong? You feel used - you have let yourself be used by him. You have said that you didn't take any money from him. So what is all this talk of paying him back?! You have already given him so much of yourself - nobody could ever put a price on that. In many ways a person is treated as they believe they deserve to be treated. I think you deserve a lot more than you're getting. And I think you should settle for no less than a man that will respect you, and make you feel special. I say - try to forget him.
The slayer Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I'm sorry you are feeling sad. You have done nothing wrong, so please don't feel bad about that. I have read all your other threads and I think what happened here is that he just wasn't as nice as you hoped he would be. I don't think anyone is to blame and so I certainly don't think you should even be considering returning any money to him, I doubt it came out of his own pocket anyway, your fares were probably paid for on his company expenses. From what you said about him before, He sounds as if he was a charming, and engaging man. I don't think he made you any promises he didn't keep, you just hoped that it would lead to more. You enjoyed your time with him and enjoyed his company so it's understandable that you will feel a little sad that it hasn't tured into what you hoped for, but don't feel bad, guilty or insulted as there is absoultely no need for you to. I'd suggest you just put this one down to experience and try and forget about him. Maybe next time you meet someone, try and protect your feelings a little more, follow your insticts if you feel a little uncomfortable or uncertain hold back.
Guest Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 you don't deserve it. while i'd never say every one should enter an affair, i am in one. i'm single, mm has been a friend beyond friends for many yrs. it was an 'appropriate' friendship for a very long time...something changed. if he simply made a mistake & informed you of nc for the sake of his m, that would be one thing. too treat you like you caused his misbehaviour, and a misbehaviour he is likely to engage in again, w/ you or some one else is another. don't take his crappy actions on as your responsibility. they just aren't.
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