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Posted

I just found out the "love of my life & spouse" has had a personal add on a dating website for 4 years. He has lied to every person he has contacted including his wife & eight children.

 

I am hurt, angery betrayer devastated and unbelieveable to me - still in love with this man. He admits he is a Sex Addict and we are seeking weekly counciling. I am not doing well mentally or physically. I have lost 60 pounds and have horrible nightmares.

 

The depth of what he has done is unbelieveable. He did not use protection when he selpt with strangers and has put my very life at risk. I have exposed the releationships to the other spouses I have been able to find from messages on our home computer and hired a private investigator to follow him. Bottom line is how can I ever trust a man who admits he is a liar & sex addict his whole adult life? Signed One lost & devastated woman

Posted

Sadly, you can't.

 

I hope you take care of yourself and your children.

Posted

You can't trust him and you must get away from him as soon as possible, no contact whatsoever for the rest of eternity.

 

Also, get an appointment with a doctor and have yourself tested for every STD known to man!

 

As excellent as women's intuition usually is, how could all this happen right under your nose without you suspecting anything? I hope you will pay more attention in the future!!!

 

Very scary stuff.

Posted

Dear Guest...I have been in your position. Although it wasn't personal ads.

 

My Ex H is a sex addict. And I can tell you that 3-months into our marriage the addiction became full blown, and lasted for 8-years. He lied to me, his family, my family, and himself.

 

He slept with both men and women on a daily basis. The weekends were his "get away" and I don't want to know how bad it was; but I know it was bad.

 

He put my life at risk. Brought home STD 2-times (thankfully curable). There are counseling groups for sexual addiction. My Ex belonged to SAA. It was a 12-step program which opened his eyes to his behavoir, but never completely changed it. As my Ex stated he felt like he was "acting out"...everytime he opened the door to our home and walked outside it was like candy for the taking. He's had over 700+ sexual partners.

 

In the end, nothing changed because he was not ready to change nor has he changed 8-years after our divorce. However, the downside to his behavior...he's now HIV+. I know the night it happened. We were still together. He didn't come home and it was like a movie going off in my head of all the sexual activities he was doing with a man. The next day I told him to leave that I wasn't going to be killed because of his inability to control his behavior.

 

My thoughts to you are this. First, get yourself tested for STD's. Secondly, if you are going to continue with sexual activities with your H, use protection. A sex addict will lie to you and lie to you. Thirdly, get into counseling for yourself.

 

As for trust? No you cannot trust an addict. You can only take grains of truth from him. He's lying to you and to himself. He will bait you into fights when the urges hit. He will blame you for his behaviors and actions. Sexual addiction is EXACTLY like drug addiction. And that's the quote from a movie..."How do you know when a junkie (sex) is lying? When their mouth is moving." I hate to say it but it's true.

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