iceprincess Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Hello, I'd like to thank everyone in advance for taking the time to read this thread and I'm hoping for some advice. I'm four months pregnant and for the past few weeks, I've been having morning sickness and feeling like a bloated whale. My fiance and I plan to be legally married by October. I understand that being pregnant has released a wave of hormones in my body and that I may snap or be short-tempered. Being pregnant has also revealed a sense of insecurity about myself that I've never felt before. My fiance has a horrible tendency of checking out other women when we go out. I finally felt well enough to go to a restaurant two nights ago and we were seated at a table next to some girls. He kept turning his head to look at them. The fifth time that happened, I touched his foot and told him, "Don't do that when I'm here." He gave me a guilty look for a fraction of a second, leaned back and casually said, "I was just listening to what they were saying." I felt so ugly and fat at that moment because I was in jeans and a tank top while they were in mini skirts and cute tops. I've never looked at another guy when we go out or made any remarks about attractive guys that I see. That wasn't the first time its happened and I don't know what to do about it. I don't care if he looks at other women when I'm not around but when we ARE together, I'd like for him to treat me with a little more respect. I give him all my attention when he talks to me and so I'd like it for him to do the same. It bothers me that his eyes are roaming elsewhere because even though his he's not physically doing anything (that I don't know about), it is still lust. I've been taking care of myself and eating well for the benefit of my baby. I'm taking summer courses and plan on attending in the fall. I don't go out anymore like I used to and I hold a part-time job. I feel like I'm more committed to our relationship than he is. We're suppose to get married but I don't think I can live happily if he continues to act the way he does. I am open for any piece of advice that anyone has to give. Thank you.
ridingthebulls Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 why are you getting married again? i think you should resolve problems first, baby or no baby.. no use getting married and then divorcing a year later.
blind_otter Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 I don't think it's ever a good idea to get married for the sake of an unplanned pregnancy. Did you have issues with this before you became pregnant? Has this started only since you've been pregnant?
amaysngrace Posted July 22, 2006 Posted July 22, 2006 He sounds like a creep to me. If he were so truly wonderful, he would take into account that your emotional well-being is related to the baby. If you're anxious, the baby will sense that. He seems to be more into himself than you or the baby right now. Hopefully that will change but if it doesn't, please reconsider marrying him. You can always do that later. Word of advice - when the baby is born, give the child YOUR last name, whatever that may be.
Author iceprincess Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 i think you should resolve problems first, baby or no baby.. no use getting married and then divorcing a year later. I agree with you 100%. I just feel so much pressure from both our families to marry him because I states away to live with this man. I don't know how I'm going to make it financially without his support because although he's hefting most of the bills now, we both were contributing our paychecks to the rent and everything else.
Author iceprincess Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 Did you have issues with this before you became pregnant? Has this started only since you've been pregnant? Blind_otter, you always ask the right questions; yes, this was a problem before I got pregnant. Even though we talked about getting married, I was getting cold feet about him because of the way he treated me. I revealed to him several times that I was not ready for marriage and then he would cry and tell me that I'm the only one he wants to be with and that he moved out of his parents house so we could live in an apartment together. Being pregnant now, I feel obligated to go through the marriage because I want to have financial support for my unborn daughter. One of my biggest fears about leaving my fiance now, is the fact that I'll have to quit school and work full-time to support my daughter and myself. I know this unplanned pregnancy has put alot of my dreams on the line and I know I only have myself to blame for. It is planned now, that his family will help me with the baby so I can continue going to school. But looking into the future, I know there are still a lot of problems that need to be resolved before we should actually get married. I feel stuck.
Author iceprincess Posted July 26, 2006 Author Posted July 26, 2006 Word of advice - when the baby is born, give the child YOUR last name, whatever that may be. Amysngrace - I've tried dealing with my emotions and anxiety because I feel guilty about feeling so high-strung. When I get angry about something and I tell him about it, he tells me that it's my hormones. I know that giving the baby my last name will make him angry but right now, it only seems right. Before we found out it was a girl, he said he wanted Peter Anthony as his son's name...when I asked what he would name it if it was a daughter, he said that naming the girls would be my job. I was hurt by that and I told him that it wasn't fair that he was so concerned about a son, but not a daughter. His reply was that I should be happy I'll get to name it if it was a girl. Giving my daughter my last name would make me very happy.
blind_otter Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 When you get right down to it, your partner's only job while you gestate is to keep you comfortable, chilled out, and happy. That's it. Both my older sisters have 3 kids between them. One of them has a devoted husband who is helpful and comforting and kind. The other sister has a husband who is emotionally unavailable and cheated on her while they were engaged. Of course the sister who has a good hubby had easy pregnancies and quick births. The other sister has had difficulty after difficulty, because she was always so stressed out emotionally that her body never relaxed. Since you're main job is growing this baby, if your partner continues to make you feel bad, is there any way to stay with someone else, like your family, until you have the baby? So you can have a calm, stable environment for the unborn child?
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