Shane361 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 My turn for joining this thread in the first place. Recently been dating this lady for about 2 months. She is very adament about not being able to give more than dating. I know that she has had issues with her ex and hubby which is why she has these HUGE walls up. Ive done a good bit to tear them down but 2 months isnt nearly what it would take. More like three years! Her ex boyfriend of 11 months was busted having a wife and 4 kids. He exhusband before that use to make her cry for fun till he could no longer do it. So here I am being the nice guy and trying to get her to trust me and maybe oneday go to the next level. Well basically she knows that I do like her very much and want more. I just found out the other day that she is pregnant and isnt sure if it is mine or someone elses that she wont mention. I am sure it is the exboyfriend in which case she is a fool for going back to him after what he did instead of giving me a first chance. She has not told him about it only me. She said that she will have an abortion if its mine but keep that child if its his. So meantime I am pretty dayum upset over all this! Had I know she was with this other guy which she lied and said she wasnt with anyone then I wouldnt have been so patient with her cause Im not fond of playing second or the other man. I deserved more honesty than that. Now she went on the net and did some thingy that tells her that she is 95% sure that its not mine cause conception was due to be two days before me. This is according to some thingy on the internet that she used to calculate. She said she had sex with him the day before and the day after us. Even though she believes its not mine....she wants me to pay 1600 bucks for the test at the 10 week mark to see if the baby is mine or his. Meantime..she has not told him and may never. So is there a link someone knows of for this procedure? Ambiothesis or something like that. Rather ignorant in this subject matter so please forgive me. Do you ladies(or men) feel that I should pay for this? She is caught in this dilemma..If it is mine then she will abort but his she wont. So she has to have the procedure. If not..she risks not finding out till the baby is born which of course if it is mine I have no idea what she will do. I feel...flame suit on....that if she is so sure that its his shouldnt he pay? I dont believe in abortion but I also believe that its her body and I should back her choice. I told her that I will talk to a lawyer as well as a military(me) DR to see what steps I can take. It maybe possible that she can have the test free of charge due to the circumstance. I know that she is very emotional rite now and only pray that some of the things she has said( I hate you) was out of that. So..thanks for any tips, inisights, links or opinions you may give. Shane
evilsponge Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Why are you letting this woman walk all over you? Just because she is emotional and hurt from past experences doesn't give her to the right sleep with ex's and say things like "I hate you". It's obvious she wants this baby to be her ex's, and it's obvious she wants her ex back in her life. You my friend should wash your hands of this person and walk away, you don't owe her anything.
Becoming Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Shane, honey, this woman is bad news for you. She will keep the baby if it's his but throw yours away? What does that tell you about how she feels about you? And about human life? These are not your values, as you say. I think the procedure you want is amniocentesis. You can search all this stuff for yourself on google.com I think she's using you. And no one can use us without our permission. Learn the value of saying no to bad news.
SoleMate Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 She said that she will have an abortion if its mine but keep that child if its his...she wants me to pay 1600 bucks for the test at the 10 week mark to see if the baby is mine or his... You gotta be kidding me! She can stuff that one the same place that...oh, never mind. The procedure is "amniocentesis" and it has about a 1/200 chance of aborting a pregnancy unintentionally. That's rather a risky game to play with a wanted pregnancy. Here's a link: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/prenataltesting/amniocentesis.html "Amniocentesis also provides access to DNA for paternity testing prior to delivery. DNA is collected from the potential father and is compared to DNA obtained from the baby during amniocentesis. The results are accurate (99%) for determining paternity." Do you ladies(or men) feel that I should pay for this?NO! On what theory or rationale would you pay for this? Amniocentesis is done at the 20th week at the earliest. That's a pretty late abortion, if that's your goal. So here I am being the nice guy and trying to get her to trust me and maybe one day go to the next level. Doesn't seem YOU can trust HER since she already "went to the next level" with someone she won't even name. Overall, her idea is bizarre. Either she wants a baby or she doesn't. Why on earth is the OTHER guy the preferred father? Why don't you tell a woman who will bear children only for another man, not for you, to take a hike? Isn't that rather insulting? I hope you are no longer sexually intimate with this reckless person.
Author Shane361 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 Thanks for the opinions. I have every intention of never being with this person again. I simply can not handle the magnitude of her emotional state even before this situation. But...now I am caught within this situation of pregnancy. I want to do the rite thing as a man but she isnt making it easy. All she wants to do is throw blame and I am trying to be sympathetic to her emotional state. I am on leave while she is watching my house so being rude is out of the question. The only woman(lol) that has never let me down pretty much is my 2004 Mustang Cobra which is over 500 rear wheel horse power! HA HA. I cant see her doing something that would really kill me but emotion can do evil things. Plus she is feeding my fish but I dont think she is that evil! I did look up the word and thank you. She basically either needs to find the money to find out or take her chances. She doesnt believe it is mine so then why should I pay for the test? I would think that she would have the abortion and if she wants a kid with him then she can get pregnant again. Then she would know it was his for sure. Its a sad thing but I cant make that choice for her nor can I stop it. Things will play out..sure I will be back in here daily for the debrief requesting more insight. Thanks-Shane
justagirliegirl Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 She seems to be pretty dumb about things. Does she not understand that it is going to be hard to find somewhere to do an abortion at 20 weeks? She should just have the abortion. She can easily get knocked up by that guy later on. Is there no other person who can feed your fish? I think you are being waaay too nice to her. Kick her out of your house. In the future, always protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy since you cant always trust that they will.
kellyp1 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Tell her to go with him on Maury. I hear he does will do a test for free.
Becoming Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 An abortion at 20 weeks--not good for anyone. Tell her to get the abortion ASAP if that's what she wants--before a human being is really there, as it is at 20 weeks. I'm not trying to be preach or anything. My stand on abortion is pretty liberal, but there is a point at which the fetus becomes an intact human being at ~8 weeks, so I can see the pro-life groups' point of view--unless the mother's life is at stake or there's severe malformation. You need to read up on ovulation and pregnancy to do your own timing in order to determine if this could be your child. Truth is if she had sex with Guy 1, then you, then Guy 1 again within the time of ovulation, who knows? But it sounds like she's using you, the nice guy, to get at the guy she really wants. Don't play her game. And fer yer own good, use a condom. Ok, 'nuff mothering, huh?
Becoming Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Tell her to go with him on Maury. I hear he does will do a test for free. :bunny:
Author Shane361 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 Could take all the mothering at times I can get even though I am 33, lol To clear up a few things..she doesnt live with me and things were kewl till the other night and I have gone since the 20th when we had sex. She lives like a mile from me and things we kewl as I said when I gave her the key. So..now its "key" I dont upset her that much. Regardless I dont want anything to do with this lady given what she has done to me and I'll back her choice-Shane
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