sarahbell Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 This journey I have been on for the past year and a half has been a hard one. I posted something about my situation last night but got very few responses. I don't expect for someone to have all the answers for me. I just want to hear that I'm not insane. Because sometimes I feel like I am. I met an married my husband within ten months of meeting. Then we bought a house in the country. I like the city much better but we chose something that I didn't think we bother me because it wasn't very far from the city. Well it turned out to be way too isolated for me. I was very unhappy there. I have a son from a previous relationship who was also do very poorly in school there. My marriage had problems. I felt soooooo smothered by my husband. When we met he lived in another state. after only three months of dating (long distance) he moved to my state in with myself and my son. Therefore he had no friends and a year later had still not made any. He didn't like mine because of there lifestyles and depended on me to be his EVERYTHING. I felt like I couldn't do the things I wanted to do or go to the places I wanted to go because he would be lonely or because he would be watching my son and I would feel guilty. He was sooooo hard to read. That was one of the major problems we had. He would say he didn't care and watch my son, but I could tell he probably did. Then came the HUGE problem with our sexuall relationship. I never wanted to be with him. I felt unsttracted to him. I had no sex drive. I always knew he wasn't the cutest guy in the world but I didn't think that mattered all that much. Until it started mattering of course. I felt VERY stressed at the end of the evening when I was done with all the household stuff and I knew he would want to have sex and I already knew I wouldn't want to. Maybe that's normal. I don't know. I've never really been a very sexual person. Also, my oldest friend in the world and him hate eachother. He has said and done some things that she thinks are signs of a controlling person. He dislikes her because he thinks she tries to break us up. Well, we are separated now and have been for the last four months. We were only married five months when my son and I left. I have been through the ups and downs about wether or not we should try to reconcile. We went to counseling once and it did not help a bit. We just argued. We are going to try again on this coming monday. I guess I just don't know what to expect or if this is the best thing to do. I do love him very much but I have felt lie for a long time I wasn't "in love" with him. If you have any advice or an inspiring story please tell me!!!!!
Author sarahbell Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 Sorry for all the typos. My cat was walking around my key board and on my lap while I was trying to type!!!!
Shane361 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 It is apparent that you love him. But love simply isnt enough. By no means does it seem that you like this guy which these days is just as important. To be IN LOVE with someone you have to both like and love them. If your not attracted to your husband then i cant imagine it working out. He has needs and if you dont want to fullfill then there are issues. Its not your fault that you feel this way its normal. Some people are attracted to some people and some are not. Its good that you were optimistic enough to over look that in the beginning but you should be in a relationship where both people are sexually attracted to each other. If you notice that he minds watching your son then there is a red flag. If he loved you with all his heart he would also love your son. He should love everything you love to say the least. He should tell you to go out that he will hold the fort down and go have some fun with your family and or friends. In a relationship it is very important for your to have a life outside of your marriage. You need immediate family time, friend time, alone time, etc etc. A marriage would be very boring very fast if you every waking moment was just that. Get out and breath is the key. Now that you have been seperated how does it feel? To have that freedom back and be able to be yourself again. I do believe you heart was in it but not your head. Takes both as I mentioned. I think that you did the rite thing and to me it doesnt seem you two are compatible. Life isnt a movie and most people dont have movie endings but there should still be some love, some desire, some lust, some heartfelt moments, some understanding, compassion, space etc etc. It is possible to be alone and be happy. Its just a step in the rite direction to finding someone that completes you as a person and as a family. A relationship should not take that much work to make it work. People have to work and meet in the middle. Its too easy to get burnt out if one is working too hard. Good luck and sorry for the rambling-Shane
Recommended Posts