Aloros Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years several weeks ago. We were on and off for a while, and the last time I had a good cry, a talk with my friends, and that was it. I felt much better. I recently went on a first date with a guy who works in the same building as me and was pretty much blown away. We'd had lunch and chatted over the course of several months, all platonically, of course, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been attracted to him. We have a lot in common, he's smart, has his life together, and is all-in-all a very nice guy. We have a lot of fun together. Since the first date, we've stopped by one another's offices to chat and have had lunch together again. We're going out again, and I'm pretty happy about it. It sounds like we'll be seeing more of one another. My ex, on the other hand, doesn't seem to be doing as well as I thought/hoped he was. We both said we wanted to stay friends, but I haven't contacted him in a while. I just haven't felt the need, and thought some space would be good. Since we have a very close-knit friend group, I did call him to give him a head's up that I was seeing someone, so he wouldn't find out from someone else. I think he might have taken it pretty hard. I'm not quite sure what to do at this point. Due to nearly all of our friends being mutual, there are some group gatherings/activities where I may end up running into him. So far we've managed to avoid one another, but there are a couple things coming up that we both will likely attend. My friends mean the world to me, and since I, and many of them, am moving away soon, I want to spend as much time with them as possible. I've emailed the ex to ask him if he's ok with things and if this would cause drama, but he's given me pretty noncommittal answers. What to do?
witabix Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Its a hard thing to find a set of answers that fit all circumstances. The close knit friends thing make it harder. I have seen my g/f dealing with this over the past few months. She and her ex did not appear to require the friends bit, but it has still been a little awkward at times. The best thing to do IMO is remain civil, but in the company of a new bf it is possible that drama can raise its brightly painted face. You have to behave as an adult, with dignity and respect, and your new bf must also do this BTW. As my gf said there is no need to rub anyone's face in it, my ex included. His noncommital answers would cause me a little concern though.
almostthere Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 In my opinion I would probably have the new bf stay at home. Here is why. I am looking at it from his perspective. When my bf and I first got together 3 months later it was Christmas. I went to his family's house only to suffer through the next 4 hours of my life sitting at the same table as my bf's exwife. It was horrible. I still am mad at him after all this time for making me go through that. Obviously, things have not progressed to an actual bf and gf position between you and your new interest. If he goes and finds himself in an akward position as I did...your interest may not keep an interest in you. I stayed with my bf because I loved him already. and since that family party he vowed to me and his family that he respects us and me too much to have us go through that again so we will no longer continue going to family parties where she is invited. We just skipped July 4th because she was there. In other words...this isnt just about how this will make your ex feel but how it will make your new interest feel.
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