mika Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 scott and i have been together for over 8 years (sincei was 16) and i think i am losing it with him. this is truely a love hate relationship. i hate him so much sometimes and then other times i love him to death! okay yesterday he wanted to go hang out with one of his friends. i told him that i didn't care but all i ask is that he not drink and not stay out all night. well, he didn't come home until 7:20 this morning as i was about to leave for work. now the thing is i'm pretty sure he got drunk off his ass or that he did drugs because he just saw his P.O. yesterday and doesn't go back until next month. we have a 6 year old son together. i love scott for some odd reason because he is always letting me down. there are so many occasions like this one and worse. and he wonders why i make a big deal about him going off with his friends without me. everytime he goes without me s*** like this happens. when he came in i looked at him and said what the f*** scott. he said to me what? i was at jarred's house sleeping. okay whatever! scott never SLEEPS over at peoples houses. yeah he'll stay out all night and run my mind crazy but he's doing drugs or he's drunk as hell. i couldn't sleep at all last night. we have no phone so all i could do all night was sit and think... and wonder... and worry. i want to leave him for real so bad but i always forget about how bad he hurts me and how mad i am. i always forget. i'm tired of forgetting. i don't want to forget anymore. i want to remember how i felt last night, how i feel this morning and how i have felt in the past. i was up all night the whole night (i fell asleep for a couple hours and then woke again and couldn't go back to sleep). it isn't effecting me now but it will before the end of the day. plus i have class tonight and i don't know if i'll even be able to make it. i am so affraid of what is going to happen. just saturday he let me down. i was suppose to have a yardsale and because i was up late when my alarm clock went off he turned it off because he didn't think i would be able to get up at that time. he was drinking and was awake until my alarm went off at 6:30 in the morning. he didn't even try to wake me. i had signs up all over the neighborhood for a sale at my house at 8:00 in the morning. i woke up at 10:00. all he could say was it's just a yardsale. well, my friend and i spent 2 hours making signs and then another 1 1/2 putting them up. i hate to think about all the people that came and found no sale. i really needed the money from it too. now i'm borrowing for gas to finish out the week. he is a sorry piece of s***. 28 years old, felon, no driver's liscens, alcoholic, likes drugs way too much (an every weekend thing and even during the week). i pay for everything and most of the time i don't even rub it in his face that he loses every job he gets but after s*** like last night i really realize how much of a loser he really is. i hate saying it but some people just are losers. i work full time for the elections office in the city i live in, i own my own home, i go to college majoring in criminal justice, and i have been known to have weekend jobs. even at times when he wasn't working i was working my full time job, going to school at night and a server in a bar every friday and saturday nights. my fridays would be 8:00 am to 5:00 pm and then from 8:30 pm until 4:00 am. and when times got really bad after i quit that jon he said maybe i should go back. give up all my free time to work two jobs cause he can't keep one. i just don't know why if i break up with him i will take him back like after 2 days. it's so sad and i am so tired. i am 25 years old and i feel like i am totally wasting my time. i get asked out all the time but always turn the guys down becasue i'm with scott. but then i see people who have great guys and i want that for myself. i KNOW he ca't give that to me. what the hell do i do???? i want someone to tell me what to do.
Sally00 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 It really seems like you're miserable. My boyfriend plays around with me saying that I love misery... because I've always been with a**h*** guys. Maybe it's true. Maybe subconsciously one can like misery. It's the only thing they're used to and change seems scary... I think you should sit down and have a serious talk with him. That you do not like his drinking and staying out so late not knowing what the hell he is doing. Ya'll have a SON together for crying out loud... he needs to be a lot more responsible than THAT. If he doesn't listen to you, if he doesn't change his ways, I think you'd be wasting your time staying with this guy. Like you said, you're passing by all these opportunities of being with a greater guy. Before I started going out with my boyfriend, I told him that I didn't like him drinking. And so, he stopped. If you really love someone, they will listen and do anything it takes to make you happy...
precious99 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 You don't need anyone to tell you what to do - you already know. You seem like you are trying really hard to better your life - setting, striving for and reaching your goals. However, your most important ambition right now needs to be being a positive and diligent role model for your child. If you can not find it within yourself to leave him (or kick his ass out permanently!) then do it for your son. This lifestyle - one of upheaval, dependancy and negativity - does not bode well for anyone in the situation. Start fresh and give yourself a new lease on life. Not that it will be easy but through strength and perservenance you can do anything!! Surround yourself with the love and support of family and friends. Take comfort and refuge in their warm embrace. Good luck!!
Walk Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 You know no one can give you the answers to this. I really wish it was that simple, just leave it in the hands of someone else. Let them think through everything and simplify it, put it in a pat little answer and hand it to you. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. You aren't the type of woman who walks away from something simply because it's difficult. If you were, then you wouldn't work full time, take classes, and raise your son and a bf. You're over extended and tired. Don't avoid making a decision thinking it will go away, or that it's easier to not make a decision. Delaying this has caused you to work three times harder than you ever should have. (emotionally, mentally, and physically.) You love Scott, you hate his behavior. Its ruining your life, your happiness, and your future. Even your health. He is happy with things as they are. You are not. Can you change his behavior without a strong desire from him to change? Not if he's happy with how things are... What are your main reasons for not leaving, or ending the relationship? What are your goals in life, where do you see yourself in 5 years? Think of your ideal life and what or who would be in it? What behaviors and lessons do you want your son to learn, what kind of person do you want your son to be when he grows up? And what kind of environment would provide that for your son? Do you stay with Scott because you feel sorry for him? Because you don't feel he can make it on his own? Is it because of pity, or a need to protect him? Is this what is best for Scott, or are you enabling him on his destructive path?
Author mika Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 It really seems like you're miserable. My boyfriend plays around with me saying that I love misery... because I've always been with a**h*** guys. Maybe it's true. Maybe subconsciously one can like misery. It's the only thing they're used to and change seems scary... I think you should sit down and have a serious talk with him. That you do not like his drinking and staying out so late not knowing what the hell he is doing. Ya'll have a SON together for crying out loud... he needs to be a lot more responsible than THAT. If he doesn't listen to you, if he doesn't change his ways, I think you'd be wasting your time staying with this guy. Like you said, you're passing by all these opportunities of being with a greater guy. Before I started going out with my boyfriend, I told him that I didn't like him drinking. And so, he stopped. If you really love someone, they will listen and do anything it takes to make you happy... i don't know hoe to reply to just one section sorry. anyway, i have always thought that you sacrifice things for the one you love as well. i asked scott the other day if he likes to see me happy and naturally he said yes. i also asked him if he likes to make me smile. again he said yes. i don't think he understood my purpose for asking those questions which was to put the thought in his head. he does neither one. maybe i do neither one for him. a serious sit down talk between he and i (and he and i only) is overdue. i will make time for that this week. maybe this evening before i start to forget.
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