precious99 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 How do you approach the subject of marraige and the future with a guy? My BF and I have been together 7 months and while we have made off-handed remarks about getting married and being together in the future we have not had "the talk". I should explain that our situation is a little complicated - I am 30 with 3 children from a previous marraige, he is 25 and still lives at home. I don't want to marry him tomorrow but I would like some direction as to where we are going. I waited a long time for him to even meet my kids because I wanted to be sure that he was gonna be around for a while and I don't want to be one of those moms who just introduces anyone and everyone to her kids. So I was hoping for some ideas as to how to start a conversation like this without completely terrifying him and sending him running for the hills.
Sally00 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I can understand where you're comin' from. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is almost 20. And here we are already talking about marriage. Hmm... I think you should just let him know how you feel.. tell him you want to know where this is going.. ya'll have been dating for more than 1/2 a year.. it's not like it should TOTALLY scare him. You know, just tell him what you told us in the post. He should understand your side.. But don't FORCE anything upon him.. THAT might scare him off. So, just talk to him some.
LikkleMissConfused Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Darling, I would advise you to wait and let him feel really close to you. I understand where you are coming from but as he is 25 and you have been dating 6 months I would wait until a year and then ask where your future is going. But at the end of the day, it is down to you and how you feel.
Sally00 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Yeah, wait a little bit and THEN talk to him about this
Walk Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Notice how no men will post a reply to this.. Hahahah... Why don't you use this time to ask questions on a broader level. Find out his views on the insitution of marriage. What it means to him, seperate from you. I've used subversive means to do this in the past. I made up an acquaintance and stuck her in a hypothetical situation. Then over breakfast one day told my bf about this "person".. which launched him into his views on the situation, and how he felt about marriage. One of my friends is actually getting married soon, and she's in a situation that is somewhat like mine.. so I brought up her story, as a story. Nothing more. Gave my thoughts on her situation, and he responded with his views and thoughts on it. It was really enlightening, and less pressured then asking directly. It seemed easier to discuss the topic in a hypothetical kind of way, rather than using me or him as the center of the discussion. If it doesn't relate specifically to YOU and HIM getting married, then it's a little easier to get a more honest opinion. Not just what he thinks you want to hear. And it doesn't put him in the position of thinking "OMG, she wants to get married NOW!!!" More in the vein of attempting to understand him and how his mind works, rather than grilling him on his views.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Notice how no men will post a reply to this.. Hahahah... Come here and I'll smack you That said, I think Walk's advice is good. IMO 7 months is too early for serious marriage plans, but it's a good time to check possible long term directions. The indirect questions suggested by Walk are fine. But as a guy, I'd suggest you keep it open rather than subversive. Don't invent situations - openly ask his opinion on marriage, living together, raising children etc. Any questions that matter to you. Keep it general rather than specific to your situation, but he should get the point without feeling threatened.
Sapiens Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Notice how no men will post a reply to this.. Hahahah... ROFLMAO!!!!! (Rolling on floor laughing my ass off!) 1st, no man in his right mind would think of this, seriously. (Three kids and she is 5 years older!!!) 2nd. Marriage? LOL, LOL, LOL!!!! -Sapiens P.S. I could outline the logic from a man's point of view, but I rather you keep seeing the world through your rose colored glasses.
norajane Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I'm guessing a 25 year old guy who still lives at home isn't ready to consider commitment to a woman with 3 kids...7 months isn't a very long time to be together, and probably not nearly enough time for him to be comfortable with the idea, or the financial and 'daddy' responsibilities that go along with a forever commitment. I'd suggest waiting until at least a year to talk specifically about a commitment to you, although with all the weddings and stuff you've been posting about, it should be fairly easy to bring up the subject of marriage in a general way in order to understand his current feelings about it.
Author precious99 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 Seven months is fairly new still - true. But we have attended alot of weddings lately and the subject has come up so my questions were out of curiousity. As for the age difference - it really hasn't affected us at all. We are very happy together. And while I may have children - they are older and do not require him to be their "daddy" as they already have a great one!! I purely wondered when you broached the subject how it was best handled from a guys persprective. Thanks everyone!!
Sapiens Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Seven months is fairly new still - true. But we have attended alot of weddings lately and the subject has come up so my questions were out of curiousity. As for the age difference - it really hasn't affected us at all. We are very happy together. And while I may have children - they are older and do not require him to be their "daddy" as they already have a great one!! I purely wondered when you broached the subject how it was best handled from a guys persprective. Thanks everyone!! Being a cynic and all, I have many male friends and we NEVER talk about the subject of getting married. If the subject does come up it is like saying someone died. From my point of view, he is just happy to be getting laid, yes, we are simple creatures. Women think and plan for marriage, guys just want to get laid. -Sapiens
Author precious99 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 Thanks Sapiens - I do appreciate the response. And I have to say that I do agree with you for the most part - I have friends of both genders and while the women are always looking to the future and planning for babies and weddings the guys are just looking to that night!
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