john2776 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Last night my gf and I go to bed. I'm pretty tired and sex is not on my mind. I get under the sheet and she comes into the room from the bathroom after having brushed her teeth. She is naked, and bounces on the bed a little bit showing me her great body. She then put herself over me alternatively putting her nipples in my face so I would suck them. She instantly gets me aroused and Im totally full of desire for her. This goes on for maybe 1 or 2 minutes, then she lies down in bed and I start to cuddle and continue light foreplay with her breasts and some light kissing on her neck, and after about 3 minutes she says 'I think I would like to go to sleep' I told her how I felt, and she said that she didn't lead me on she was just having fun, and that just because she does stuff like that doesn't mean she wants sex. I just don't understand this. Opinions? Advice?
Author john2776 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 Yeah well, we got problems if she thinks she is and thats what its about. I have no intention of being anyones bitch.
magichands Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Yeah well, we got problems if she thinks she is and thats what its about. I have no intention of being anyones bitch. A man might think he's on top, but it's ALWAYS an illusion.
basscatcher Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Like hell. She was teasing you.. She was playing with her femal power. (Her body) to arrouse you. She needed a ego boost for herself.. I have done this. Always with the intention of teasing, backing off and letting the man persue me. (with some fake reluctance) If he is a man he will then take charge. I started it he needed to finish it. She was working you for a ego trip. Yes she teased you. Why didnt you persue her. Sounds to me like instead of you expressing your strong desire for her you turned on a soft desire which didn't appeal to her. Dude you should have planted some passionate kissing on her showed her you were HER man.. I think your soft manners blew her candles out. If I'm wrong----then your with a tease...
2sunny Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 It's very difficult for a man to stop after he gets started - and most women don't necessarily understand that. Simply explain it to her - and that possibly it makes you feel rejected as well. It is teasing from a male's perspective, but not necessarily from a young gal who hasn't had the full explanation of the difference between men and women.
alphamale Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 tell her next time it happens she'll be sleeping alone. if she does it again then split and crash at a friends place or sleep in your car or a hotel. just don't let her know where you are.
Max Overclock Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Like hell. She was teasing you.. She was playing with her femal power. (Her body) to arrouse you. She needed a ego boost for herself.. I have done this. <snip> I think your soft manners blew her candles out. And then he may have tried to be "harder mannered" with her, she ends up really not being interested, and he's accused of being insensitive ... or worse. Yet, they wonder why men don't understand them... Max
basscatcher Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 And then he may have tried to be "harder mannered" with her, she wasn't interested, and he's accused of being insensitive ... or worse. Yet, they wonder why men don't understand them... Max Well either way he lost. I think either she was power-playing him to stroke her ego and female prowress or she was working him and wanting him to take control more aggressively instead of being so mild mannered about it.
Max Overclock Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I think either she was power-playing him to stroke her ego and female prowress or she was working him and wanting him to take control more aggressively instead of being so mild mannered about it. K Padameckla, got a ? for ya ... Secretly, or subconsciously then, do women really want men who show their "leadership" or "in charge nature" in the framework of their male-female relationship? In essence, they want their men to be "alpha males." Sorry alphamale, man ... no pun intended. Max
basscatcher Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 K Padameckla, got a ? for ya ... Secretly, or subconsciously then, do women really want men who show their "leadership" or "in charge nature" in the framework of their male-female relationship? In essence, they want their men to be "alpha males." Sorry alphamale, man ... no pun intended. Max I believe NON-Feminist women want men to be leaders in general. Thats doesn't mean that the woman is to be a slave to him. Most women I know and am friends with want a man who is the leader in the relationship the majority of the time. For instances, he communicates a situation with his woman and they find a agreement and he is the one to put it into motion. Like pay for a meal. I have many times wanted to go out to eat. The man has said he can't afford it right now. I have given him the money before we get to the establishment so he can present the money for the meal out of of image that he is the man. It maybe my money but I want him to be the leader. I many times like it if the man asks me what I would like off a menu and I tell him. When the waitress comes he will order for both of us. I like that feeling of him taking charge in some situations. (These are petty situations of course.) I believe it is important for a man to consider the womans viewpoint and feelings on things but he is the one to be the leader. I tend to walk a little behind my man at times too. I like to walk with him but there are times when I will follow like through a crowd or to a dinner table or at a club. I like him to lead. I know a few women who are dominate in all ways and don't believe in a man leading. Radical feminists tend to be like this. Most women like to be cared for. Taken care of to some degree. We don't want to be made to feel helpless but cherished. I don't know if you understand my point. This is my opinion based on what I know about ME and my friends.
hyakku Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Like hell. She was teasing you.. She was playing with her femal power. (Her body) to arrouse you. She needed a ego boost for herself.. I have done this. Always with the intention of teasing, backing off and letting the man persue me. (with some fake reluctance) If he is a man he will then take charge. I started it he needed to finish it. She was working you for a ego trip. Yes she teased you. Why didnt you persue her. Sounds to me like instead of you expressing your strong desire for her you turned on a soft desire which didn't appeal to her. Dude you should have planted some passionate kissing on her showed her you were HER man.. I think your soft manners blew her candles out. If I'm wrong----then your with a tease... I understand this, everyone likes an ego stroke. What you should have done is either: A. Backed off some to help build up alot of sexual tension and been said something to tease her BACK like, "I dunno if you deserve this right now" with a playful grin on. Have fun man, relax, you need to understand that everyone lieks to have their ego stroked every now and then. B. Do what pada said and showed her you're desire, not gotten all tentative. You were experiencing those primal urges, EMBRACE them, don't hide from them. When she really felt your desire, she would have been just as aroused as you were. And people only have as much power as you give them. A woman can be boss in a relationship, and so can a man, but when a woman is boss, she generally ends up breaking up with him to find a real man. I don't want to say t hat women should be submissive and weak, but by nature, women are the motherly nurturers and men are the leaders. If that wasn't the case then all women who dominate men in their relationships and treat them like s*** wouldn't be out there cheating, its simply logic.
hyakku Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I believe NON-Feminist women want men to be leaders in general. Thats doesn't mean that the woman is to be a slave to him. Most women I know and am friends with want a man who is the leader in the relationship the majority of the time. For instances, he communicates a situation with his woman and they find a agreement and he is the one to put it into motion. Like pay for a meal. I have many times wanted to go out to eat. The man has said he can't afford it right now. I have given him the money before we get to the establishment so he can present the money for the meal out of of image that he is the man. It maybe my money but I want him to be the leader. I many times like it if the man asks me what I would like off a menu and I tell him. When the waitress comes he will order for both of us. I like that feeling of him taking charge in some situations. (These are petty situations of course.) I believe it is important for a man to consider the womans viewpoint and feelings on things but he is the one to be the leader. I tend to walk a little behind my man at times too. I like to walk with him but there are times when I will follow like through a crowd or to a dinner table or at a club. I like him to lead. I know a few women who are dominate in all ways and don't believe in a man leading. Radical feminists tend to be like this. Most women like to be cared for. Taken care of to some degree. We don't want to be made to feel helpless but cherished. I don't know if you understand my point. This is my opinion based on what I know about ME and my friends. that's wild. As I posted my post, you posted this. Irony you're name is pada .
basscatcher Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 that's wild. As I posted my post, you posted this. Irony you're name is pada . Great mature experienced minds tend to think a like. It also helps I have delt with lots of Alpha Men in my life. I listen, watch, practice and learn. I also pay attention to my own wants and needs to find the balance. I'm still fine tuning myself. Its nice to get possitve feedback and also criticism because it stimulates growth in me.
clandestinidad Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I had an issue like this one. I didnt realize what it was until suddenly I clearly saw what I was doing. I enjoyed doing the pursuing. I would lick, bite, be playful, tease w/ my body, etc etc to show that I was in the mood, and to get him there too. But then something would happen..... HE would become the one 'in charge' by doing things aggressively to me, and it TOTALLY turned me off. I wanted to be the one to drive him crazy, and it was no fun when he'd take over. I realize that he wanted to please me as well, and thats great. We just had to find a balance regarding who would pursue at times. If I was the one to start something, I wanted to take it further If he starts it, then he'll take it further I totally agree w/ Pada too, though. She might have been teasing you to make you want her, and wanted you to come back more aggressively than you did. I think it all depends on her, and since this situation could have been because of Pada's suggestion or mine, you need to talk to HER about it. She's the only one who can tell you how she wants it to play out. Whether its for you to grab her and start licking her all over, or if she wants to be the one starting all the licking
ronnieromance Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I usually let women take the lead. I'm more like strong silent...unless you make me mad. Anywho, ya. Women are better at it. Just the other day, I was on webdate and a very, very PYT and I were engaging in clever conversation. But she had a camera and was doing those sexy woman-type things...Yeah... -R-
Aloros Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I just want to point out that you don't have to be a radical feminist (has negative connotations) to want to take the lead. I personally want a confident, able man, but in most situations, I like taking the lead. I enjoy being the one in control, and none of the guys I've dated have had a problem with that. Not that I disregard them or anything, I just tend to be more decisive and action-oriented than most people. I'd have to agree with pada on the actions of your girlfriend. She might have been going on a bit of a power-trip.
Author john2776 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 She was teasing you.. She was playing with her femal power. (Her body) to arrouse you. She needed a ego boost for herself.. I have done this. Always with the intention of teasing, backing off and letting the man persue me. (with some fake reluctance) If he is a man he will then take charge. I started it he needed to finish it. She was working you for a ego trip. Yes she teased you. Why didnt you persue her. Sounds to me like instead of you expressing your strong desire for her you turned on a soft desire which didn't appeal to her. Dude you should have planted some passionate kissing on her showed her you were HER man.. I think your soft manners blew her candles out. If I'm wrong----then your with a tease... Ok, I see where you went with this, and I'm 99% sure you've headed in the wrong direction. I titled the thread using the word 'tease' because that is what it was. I spoke to her at the time, the next morning, and then again last night. The whole time she has stuck by her statement that at no time did she even slightly entertain the idea of sex, she was just having fun. BTW I did pursue her, and I didn't write everything down that I did or said, because I didn't think the fine detail was so important. It is extremely rare that a day goes by where we don't have sex and we both understand all the various ways of turning each other on. The only reason I used words in my previous post about soft blah blah blah was to emphesize that I wasn't responding too agressively. Her opinion is that the teasing is no big deal and is a lot of fun for her. My point of view is "Fun? I didn't get much fun out of it!" Don't get me wrong, I'm fully supportive of a good tease, in the car, at the supermarket, at the beach, anywhere basically, but when it comes to the bedroom, in my book its on.
lovestruck234 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 I had an issue like this one. I didnt realize what it was until suddenly I clearly saw what I was doing. I enjoyed doing the pursuing. I would lick, bite, be playful, tease w/ my body, etc etc to show that I was in the mood, and to get him there too. But then something would happen..... HE would become the one 'in charge' by doing things aggressively to me, and it TOTALLY turned me off. I wanted to be the one to drive him crazy, and it was no fun when he'd take over. I realize that he wanted to please me as well, and thats great. We just had to find a balance regarding who would pursue at times. I AGREE 100%. My bf and I are STILL trying to find that balance. It's so annoying and I agree with you completely! It's annoying when I'm about to give him a bj and he flips me over and gives me oral instead. ARGH!! Don't get me wrong, I love it, but can't a girl have a little power??!! He still lets me give him bj's but the times he doesn't.... Does anyone's bf always win as well? By that I mean I'll be sitting there and just not in the mood and somehow he will ALWAYS win me over. I don't know how he does it but he gets me all horny that I just give in! That's it. I am NOW IN CHARGE!!
magichands Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 It's annoying when I'm about to give him a bj and he flips me over and gives me oral instead. ARGH!! Don't get me wrong, I love it, but can't a girl have a little power??!! Girl power is sooo 90s.
Author john2776 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 It's very difficult for a man to stop after he gets started - and most women don't necessarily understand that. Simply explain it to her - and that possibly it makes you feel rejected as well. It is teasing from a male's perspective, but not necessarily from a young gal who hasn't had the full explanation of the difference between men and women. Yes, this is exactly my opinion. I have explained it to her previously (it must have happened once or twice before in the past 5 months) and this time I got really frustrated because I don't want this to keep happening. But I don't recall explaining the difference between men and woman in this regard and it might be worth doing. Thanks.
Author john2776 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 tell her next time it happens she'll be sleeping alone. if she does it again then split and crash at a friends place or sleep in your car or a hotel. just don't let her know where you are. Its certainly in me to react in such a way, but Im not convinced its going to help resolve the problem. This is the kind of behavior which I have forced myself over the years to abandon. I think I'd do it early in the relationship, but Im at the 12 month mark and it seems a bit childish. Thanks for the suggestion anyway.
Author john2776 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 And then he may have tried to be "harder mannered" with her, she ends up really not being interested, and he's accused of being insensitive ... or worse. Yet, they wonder why men don't understand them... Max Yes this is a great point. The first time it happened (a few months ago) , I upped the tempo at the first sign of rejection, figuring she was just playing the teasing, come catch me game, only to find she was seriously not interested. Which is why I didn't go any further this time. Its lose lose either way.
Author john2776 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 I think it all depends on her, and since this situation could have been because of Pada's suggestion or mine, you need to talk to HER about it. She's the only one who can tell you how she wants it to play out. Whether its for you to grab her and start licking her all over, or if she wants to be the one starting all the licking As I have since said to others, she says the whole thing was never about sex. She said that she could not understand how her putting her breasts in my mouth could possibly indicate that she is interested in sex. Which to me is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
magichands Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 She said that she could not understand how her putting her breasts in my mouth could possibly indicate that she is interested in sex. Which to me is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. It's her motherly instinct.
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