sarahbell Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 My husband and I are separated. He moved in with me after only three months of dating (all the way from another state!). Then a month later we got engaged. We were engaged only six months and then got married. So we met and married within ten months of meeting eachother! Then!!!! two months after getting married we bought a house!, a beautiful house, but in an area that I was very unhappy in. He loves the country (that's where the house is) and I love the city. I felt trapped and like I couldn't do things with my friends often because he wanted me to be home. We had many issues and I decided to leave. My son and I moved out after only five months of marriage. We have been separated now for four months. I think after all the activity and changes I just realized that maybe I just settled (with him). On our honeymoon I constantly found myself comparing him to other husbands. I felt like I had made a mistake. Everything I wanted in a man he possesed so why wouldn't I love him and be exstatic about this marriage? We have been talking the last couple of days. I have been really missing him and told him I would like to try counseling again. We went before but it didn't help and he felt we were paying to fight and for him to be beraded. He said he would go again, somewhere else this time. Does this, in your opinion sound like a marriage that can be reconciled?
paperdoll Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Hi, I am no expert by any means, but I think it can be reconciled only if you really want it to happen. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Comparing him to other husbands is something you should not give in to in my opinion. No one is perfect, no one. I am not sure what changed your mind, you said you were missing him. Do you love him? I was in your situation before about living in the country and I learned to really love it there. Make new friends and find things to keep you busy. Having a wonderful husband to wait to come home everyday is a pretty neat thing. If you don't believe me read some post from here and you will see how good you have it. Jeanne
Lollie72 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 My husband and I are separated. He moved in with me after only three months of dating (all the way from another state!). Then a month later we got engaged. We were engaged only six months and then got married. So we met and married within ten months of meeting eachother! Then!!!! two months after getting married we bought a house!, a beautiful house, but in an area that I was very unhappy in. He loves the country (that's where the house is) and I love the city. I felt trapped and like I couldn't do things with my friends often because he wanted me to be home. We had many issues and I decided to leave. My son and I moved out after only five months of marriage. We have been separated now for four months. I think after all the activity and changes I just realized that maybe I just settled (with him). On our honeymoon I constantly found myself comparing him to other husbands. I felt like I had made a mistake. Everything I wanted in a man he possesed so why wouldn't I love him and be exstatic about this marriage? We have been talking the last couple of days. I have been really missing him and told him I would like to try counseling again. We went before but it didn't help and he felt we were paying to fight and for him to be beraded. He said he would go again, somewhere else this time. Does this, in your opinion sound like a marriage that can be reconciled? Why did you go along with buying the house, why didn't you stand up for what you wanted and ask for some sort of compromise? I can see your becoming isolated, and if he has any abusive ways, this is normal for an abuser, then they start monitoring you phone calls, and going into you emails. Is he as perfect as your making out to be in your own head!!!!! Because there is no ACTUAL perfect!
Guest Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 If you love him; by all means; counsel but if you do not love him then the greatest guy in the world is not going to make a marriage work....marriage is hard and you have to have LOVE!! The country is a magnificent place; a little secluded but if you love this guy-- you can learn to love the country, if not.........well; just move on.
Lor Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 On our honeymoon I constantly found myself comparing him to other husbands. I felt like I had made a mistake. If you are already comparing him to other H's and you find him lacking after only knowing each other 10 months, I think you know your answer. Not to be hardballing but you aren't in this relationship for the long haul. Drop the poor guy now so he can move on.
Lor Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Sorry, that came out very harsh. But, to back it up: You didn't know each other long before moving in/engaged/married. Sometimes that works but it doesn't sound like it in your case. You like the city, he likes the country. But yet you bought a house in the country? Why? To make him happy? Did you voice your opinion? Did you have one? Did you move back to the city? If so, are you happier there? If you were to make a serious go of this, would he be willing to sell the house and move to the city to be with you? In *most* relationships, at the 10 month stage, he should be your world. No one else should compare to him. When you say you were comparing, were you comparing the way other H's act? Or were you eyeing them? Not once in your thread do you say you love him. Not a very nice question but valid; you have a son from a previous relationship I gathered? Did you marry him just to be married? You say you miss him but do you love him? Or do you only miss the idea of having him around? I don't mean to get down on you. Breakups hurt no matter what the situation so sorry if this comes across as not being sympathetic. you need to be realistic about why you really married him.
Author sarahbell Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 Well, the problem is I think there was a part of me who just wanted to be married. I jst wanted to find a wonderful guy and have the family I wasn't able to have because my son's father left us when he was two months old and moved to another state. My H was very rushy with everything and I tend to be a little gullable. I like to make people happy. I know marriage is a HUGE deal and I did love him very much. I still do love him. I just don't get him. He is so hard to read at times which is not something anyone I know is like. All my friends and family are very open and silly and I can read them like a book. Not him. He seems arogant at times. Like he's better than everyone. There are many other people I know who have felt this way. As far as the house goes. We did pick it put together. I thought it would work fine because it wasn't too far from the city. I, once again, did want to make him happy. He did move all the way from another state to be with me. The least I could do was compromise on where we would buy a home.
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