My_Other_I Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Hey guys! I haven't been posting here for a while. Life has changed for me dramatically and I needed a break from LS and the unhappiness here. Now, that my friend had passed away, I felt emotional pain again and came back. I'm curious how have your lives changed? What progress have you made? Have you moved on? Any twists? Are you still in the same spiral? Tell me how you are all doing!
amaysngrace Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I'm sorry to hear of your friend. Do you wanna talk about it or no? XO
Author My_Other_I Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 I'm sorry to hear of your friend. Do you wanna talk about it or no? XO No, I don't. Thank you though. I'd like to talk about you, the girls who had helped me to get out of my own ditch.
amaysngrace Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Well, there's not a lot to share, really. I have pretty much exposed myself on these boards. But, as for twists. I get through many days with them...Smirnoff Twisteds, to be precise. Nothing like a watermelon-flavoured beer!
Author My_Other_I Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 But, as for twists. I get through many days with them...Smirnoff Twisteds, to be precise. Nothing like a watermelon-flavoured beer! I love those, too!
Walking away Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I am completely free of the affair now. My xMM still contacts me by e-mail from time to time..... As a matter of fact, he e-mailed me this morning. I don't respond and I am sure that he will eventually get the message.....what we had is OVER.... After months of pain and agony, I feel great. I am stronger and wiser and doing really well. I have met someone. I like him. We just started talking a few weeks ago and I think there may be something there with him. He really seems to think that I am special.....so I am willing to slowly let him into my life and see where things go.
Jessie61 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I am completely free of the affair now. My xMM still contacts me by e-mail from time to time..... As a matter of fact, he e-mailed me this morning. I don't respond and I am sure that he will eventually get the message.....what we had is OVER.... After months of pain and agony, I feel great. I am stronger and wiser and doing really well. I have met someone. I like him. We just started talking a few weeks ago and I think there may be something there with him. He really seems to think that I am special.....so I am willing to slowly let him into my life and see where things go. WA, I replied to your post on the other thread, but since I came across this one I thought I might ask you the following; what does your exMM say (want) in this emails? Does he have anything new to offer or is it the same old thing all over again? Is it just "friendly" chit chat about the weather and the sports results? I just cannot imagine anything that he might say that would be of any importance, interest or relevance to you. Of course you don't have to tell me anything about those e-mails, they are after all private between him and you etc. But I cannot understand why he is still hanging in there such a long time afterwards (especially since nothing has changed on the home front for him), and why he feels that he still can contact you. What is he trying to achieve???? Again, don't feel that you have to tell me anything you don't want. Perhaps I am just trying to prepare myself for a possible onslaught by my own exMM? I have often felt that he must be related to yours!!!!
Jessie61 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I'm curious how have your lives changed? What progress have you made? Have you moved on? Any twists? Are you still in the same spiral? Tell me how you are all doing! My Other I, I might as well answer your question, mightn't I??? Since I am already a contributor on your thread.... My life has changed tremendously. I am no longer the OW since 2 weeks ago and I cannot tell you what a relief it has been! I honestly mean it. Before it happened I imagined that my life would fall apart, but instead it has become so much better! How, you might ask? Well, for starters I no longer feel anxious as the "OW in waiting", I feel that I took control away from HIM and that I am now in charge of my own life. I feel relief that such a heavy burden has been lifted from my rather bony shoulders. For the first time in about 12-18 months, I actually look forward to things, I feel that I can plan the rest of my future because I no longer depend on HIS decisions. I feel that I can hold my head very high and that I can look myself in the mirror again simply because "I walked away!" and because I would no longer accept this rubbish. I have also discovered that there IS a life after MM. And now I am available and ready for LOVE after MM too! I just cannot believe that it took me so long to get here, but better late than never??! I feel great!!!! :)
Walking away Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 WA, I replied to your post on the other thread, but since I came across this one I thought I might ask you the following; what does your exMM say (want) in this emails? Does he have anything new to offer or is it the same old thing all over again? Is it just "friendly" chit chat about the weather and the sports results? I just cannot imagine anything that he might say that would be of any importance, interest or relevance to you. Of course you don't have to tell me anything about those e-mails, they are after all private between him and you etc. But I cannot understand why he is still hanging in there such a long time afterwards (especially since nothing has changed on the home front for him), and why he feels that he still can contact you. What is he trying to achieve???? Again, don't feel that you have to tell me anything you don't want. Perhaps I am just trying to prepare myself for a possible onslaught by my own exMM? I have often felt that he must be related to yours!!!! What he writes to me varies. Sometimes it is a "just wanna know that you're okay" e-mail or a "hi, i was thinking about you" e-mail. Other times, it is an apology for all the pain he may have caused me....how what we had was the right love at the wrong time....you know how it goes....same story, different day. Frankly, I am bored by his nonsense. You are right. Nothing has changed on the home front, but I have no idea why he still feels it is okay to contact me. I have told him that it is disrespectful to his wife to contact me, but he still finds it in himself to check in with me. Even if something DID change on the homefront, I wouldn't go back for a million dollars. I am out of the mess. And the last thing I want to do is put myself in a relationship with someone who has PROVEN that he cannot be trusted. There's someone or something better out there for me than that.
Jessie61 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 What he writes to me varies. Sometimes it is a "just wanna know that you're okay" e-mail or a "hi, i was thinking about you" e-mail. Other times, it is an apology for all the pain he may have caused me....how what we had was the right love at the wrong time....you know how it goes....same story, different day. Frankly, I am bored by his nonsense. You are right. Nothing has changed on the home front, but I have no idea why he still feels it is okay to contact me. I have told him that it is disrespectful to his wife to contact me, but he still finds it in himself to check in with me. Even if something DID change on the homefront, I wouldn't go back for a million dollars. I am out of the mess. And the last thing I want to do is put myself in a relationship with someone who has PROVEN that he cannot be trusted. There's someone or something better out there for me than that. WA, I kinda guessed what those e-mails would be about. Why? Because everytime my exMM has broken NC it has been along exactly the same lines... In other words, looking after himself; he's feeling lonely or sorry for himself and he needs someone (read: me!) to make him feel better, and it doesn't matter that it might not be in MY interest that he contacts me and there is certainly nothing new on the table for me. You are right, it is the same boring story but a different day.... Yawn! So, we have to move onwards and upwards, right???? What else I am doing? I got my hair cut recently to accompany the new 4 pairs of shoes that I bought. I am going out this weekend with some girlfriends and the boys in town had better beware!!! I also managed to fix something that was wrong with the computer this morning! Now THAT is a flippin' miracle, so I feel like Superwoman today! Yippie!!!!
Sami_D Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Frankly, I am bored by his nonsense. You are right. Nothing has changed on the home front, but I have no idea why he still feels it is okay to contact me. I have told him that it is disrespectful to his wife to contact me, but he still finds it in himself to check in with me. Even if something DID change on the homefront, I wouldn't go back for a million dollars. I am out of the mess. And the last thing I want to do is put myself in a relationship with someone who has PROVEN that he cannot be trusted. Devil's Advocate (apologies, because I don't mean to offend): Do you think there's an extent to which you wish he WOULD still leave and come crawling back on hands and knees to you..? Not even if you examine things in your heart of hearts..? I mean, if he REALLY apologised and did everything he could to make things good? Only... if, in your heart, you still feel a tiny bit that way, then allowing him to contact you serves a purpose... for both of you. That tiny thread hasn't been snipped yet. And you reading his emails and getting 'angry' at him... allows you to release some of the pain of rejection you must still be feeling (however much you hate to say it). When you're really through with him... wouldn't you just tell him NC, stop replying to his mail, and put his email addy on blocked?
Sami_D Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 WA, I kinda guessed what those e-mails would be about. Why? Because everytime my exMM has broken NC it has been along exactly the same lines... In other words, looking after himself; he's feeling lonely or sorry for himself and he needs someone (read: me!) to make him feel better, and it doesn't matter that it might not be in MY interest that he contacts me and there is certainly nothing new on the table for me. You are right, it is the same boring story but a different day.... Yawn! When you last were in contact with him, did you tell him that you never want to hear from him again, no matter if he has left or not? Or what was the message? Because, with yours and his history of breaking NC, unless you give a real condition of contact, then if he gets desperate, he will probably feel that you wouldn't mind too much if he contacts you. What will you do if he contacts you again?
Walking away Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Devil's Advocate (apologies, because I don't mean to offend): Do you think there's an extent to which you wish he WOULD still leave and come crawling back on hands and knees to you..? Not even if you examine things in your heart of hearts..? I mean, if he REALLY apologised and did everything he could to make things good? Only... if, in your heart, you still feel a tiny bit that way, then allowing him to contact you serves a purpose... for both of you. That tiny thread hasn't been snipped yet. And you reading his emails and getting 'angry' at him... allows you to release some of the pain of rejection you must still be feeling (however much you hate to say it). When you're really through with him... wouldn't you just tell him NC, stop replying to his mail, and put his email addy on blocked? Hi Sami.... I suppose there is a part of me that perhaps wants him to come crawling back....and he kinda is with his e-mails....but I really don't care either way. I am quite apathetic about the whole situation. The only reason I responded to one of his e-mails is because I became incensed when he apologized for any pain he MAY have caused. MAY have caused? Did he not remember my tears, my pain, my agony? I blasted him because he needed to know exactly what kind of damage he did. And that was my last response to him. I have not responded to any of his other emails. Including one where he said he was physically ill and thinking about me. He has a wife to take care of him. And I honestly don't want him anymore. And I would put his e-mail on blocked, but I am a computer illiterate. Honestly I am. How does one block an e-mail address and allow other addresses to come through? Honest to God, I didn't know that was possible. I just thought I had to close my entire e-mail account.
Sami_D Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Blocking particular email addresses is possible in all email programs. It will be under 'options' or something similar. For hotmail, go to 'options' (top right of screen), 'junk email protection', 'block senders' (fourth one down), and enter his address. If he tries to contact you by making other email addies and sending messages to you from them, you can make your hotmail 'safe list only' (which is also on your options on the 'junk email protection')... just type in all the people who you don't mind getting emails from.
Jessie61 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 When you last were in contact with him, did you tell him that you never want to hear from him again, no matter if he has left or not? Or what was the message? Because, with yours and his history of breaking NC, unless you give a real condition of contact, then if he gets desperate, he will probably feel that you wouldn't mind too much if he contacts you. What will you do if he contacts you again? Sami, Yes, I told him in no uncertain terms that we are OVER, even if he left the W the following day. I do not want to know. After him telling me for months (and taking some real steps towards it) that he was leaving, and then for him to turn around in the last second to change his mind, I could never trust him again. I feel that he has destroyed something irreparable between us. I do not want to know. At this stage I can't even remember my loving feelings for him, even though I don't feel anything negative either. I am just fed up and bored with the whole thing. Indifferent, I guess? What will I do if he contacts me again? Ignore him completely. I don't think I could get excited enough to even get angry with him. Do I think that he might contact me again? Oh yes, if he feels sorry enough for himself, then he would. I have no doubt about that. Yaaaaaawn!!!!
Jessie61 Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Blocking particular email addresses is possible in all email programs. It will be under 'options' or something similar. For hotmail, go to 'options' (top right of screen), 'junk email protection', 'block senders' (fourth one down), and enter his address. If he tries to contact you by making other email addies and sending messages to you from them, you can make your hotmail 'safe list only' (which is also on your options on the 'junk email protection')... just type in all the people who you don't mind getting emails from. Thanks for that, Ms Computer Wizard Lady!!! I would never have been able to figure it out myself, so I am forever in your debt!!!!
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