NC for 2 wks feels like 2 yrs.

[richardcruz]

Here is my ordeal in a nutshell (my old thread is more in depth). My ex and I were living together for about six months when she decided unexpectedly to move out. Everything was fine with the exception of us arguing over real stupid things in the last 2 months. She moves out and I find out a week later that she was calling to an old interest of hers a week before she left. When she moved out, she really started changing and started partying (which wasn't like her) and she started ignoring me. She didn't want to go out with me anymore. I also found out that she had made some trips to her "old interest's" house. When I confronted her about my findings she first denied it, then she got upset and said "It wasn't anything, we're just friends", followed by "why are you being nosy?" and "I don't want to talk about this, I'm leaving!" The next day she told me that she needed her space. She also said she wasn't looking for someone else to be with. Of course I didn't understand why she wanted space and I just kept on asking her why she was doing this to me. She would tell me that she didn't know why. I felt so heartbroken that she could have done this to me. 2 months past and things got worse and worse. She never returned my calls. I did all the classic no no's (i.e. calling her persistently, txting her, emailing her, telling her I loved her etc.) She just really started pushing me away even harder and told me some of the most f**ked up things I have ever heard. It hurt so bad to hear someone that used to say that I was their soulmate to now say things like this. To tell you the truth it still really hurts and I don't think I'll ever forget. Nevertheless, I still loved her and wanted her back. I didn't want to throw away the year and a half that we were together. I went NC for a week and that really dragged on. I got weak and called her. Nothing good came out of our conversation. She hung up on me within minutes because she said she was busy. She told me she would call back but she never did. Again NC for another week and again I got weak and emailed her saying I was sorry for whatever I had done to her (I know..big mistake) to make her be this way even though I didn't understand why. She sent me back an email saying that she really loved me but she needed space. She also said that she wanted to hang out with me as a friend so we scheduled a date approx two weeks later to meet. A week passed and I didn't call her. Then Sunday came and again I got weak and I called her. I didn't argue with her at all. I just asked her how she had been. She told me that she was going to be out of town on business for a week. She didn't sound very interested in our conversation and said that she would call me back. Of course she never did. What hurt was she left town and didn't even call me to say bye. A week passed and 4th of July came and still no call even though she had returned. The date came that we had scheduled to meet up but yet no form of communication from her at all. I guess I finally got the point that she doesn't want to talk to me and have finally been NC ever since (2 weeks..feels like 2 years). I still feel really hurt. All the memories that we shared still haunt me. My gut tells me that she is seeing someone and that is why she "one eightied" on me. The fact the she began talking to this other guy right at the time of our break up is too coincidental despite her saying that she is not with anyone. It hurts me so bad when I picture her being with some other guy. I have managed not to call her. Although for some reason, I feel that the longer that I go NC, the more and more she will forget about me and lose all feelings for me. I feel so confused. Any opinions or statements are appreciated.

[Nedved28]

really sorry to hear your suffering so bad richard!! Your story is very similar to mine and i know how hard it is for you right now!! I to like you when i my ex broke up with me called and texted and done all the no no's also!! the crazy thing about my break up was i wanted a clean break but she said she wanted to stay friends which i should'nt have agreed to. With that after about a week of getting on okay as friends i begged her and texted and had the same feelings of rejection you did. Its hurtful when a person who said they loved you suddenly won't give you 5 mins of their time and give the impression that they could'nt care less about you anymore. Its not easy giving your heart and lots of emmotion and not recieving anything back in return!! I hated my ex for it to be honest. I went through every emmotion from love for her to total hate for her as i could'nt understand why she did'nt want me anymore.....but like you i was in a very emmotional state!!Its a horrible thing to know its over. To be honest i think its to late for both our relatonships. I guess to them we both showed weakness by begging our ex's and to them that just boosts their ego's and makes them think we need them. But their wrong. totally wrong. The best thing you can do now richard is walk away. believe me man its the best option. Let her see that you can go on without her. I know NC is a nightmare!! its awful!! counting everyday and thinking of her with another man is awful!! their the thoughts that haunted me the most. But believe me man in time you'l be back to yourself!! One day soon you'l wake up and say to yourself 'f'ck her, i d'ont need her anymore'. That day will come my friend but its gonna time. You'l be back to yourself and the terrible thoughts that play on your mind will leave you. for now though just take your time, take every day as it comes!! if you feel your gonna call her before you pick up that phone think to yourself 'what am i gonna achieve by ringing her?its not gonna bring her back'. that worked for me and stopped many a phone call. I still have a small amount of contact with my ex but she now rings me?why? not because she wants to back with me its because she know's i d'ont give a f*ck anymore and have moved on without her. every now and again she calls!! believe me man its satisfying and this could well be you as your ex is eventually gonna think of the good times you guys shared and could well call you up. But you gotta give it time and get her out of your system. can't really give any advice on dealing with the thoughts of her with another guy buy all i can say is try not to think about it and just keep yourself busy!! its gonna be a hard few weeks but you'l get through it!!hang in there man we're all here for you.

[Thursday_le]

Nedved is right. NC all the way. Ive been doing it for 2 weeks and I already feel like my outlook on life has changed. I dont feel that neediness and I no longer miss her when I look at everything. I rememeber the first few days that I would look at a reese cup and cry ( LOL sounds hilarious now) because my ex had an obsession with reese stuff. There were places we used to go all the time that I avoided for a few days. The best way to get over stuff like that is to face it head on. Go to those places and do things you used to with a friend or you family. Its good to talk to them about it. Ill never forget anything that my ex and I had. Every little thing from songs to "our places". But by faceing those things...it makes it so much easier to go out and begin to forget about her. I know you wont ever forget but you will get to the point when it really doesnt bother you anymore.

 

The way I look at it is....If she broke up with you...Why worry, cry, and try to analyze everything? That would mean that your investing your time on someone who isnt thinking about you....only about herself. Im not saying shes a bad person....its what she needed to do. It may or may not have been a good decision for the break-up...( I dont think ill know for a year or so) but just think....now you can learn from this and improve yourself. But dont do it for her. Only improve yourself for YOU. Trust me....if she loves you and its meant to be ....Time will work this out for all of us. Id say give her a year minimum. Maybe by then you wont care anymore.

 

If she does ever contact you again....It will be at the least expected time.

 

So....dont hold on. The longer you hold on...the longer it takes to heal. Read my post and you can see how only a few days made such a difference with me.

 

Good Luck man...We're in this together...

 

"Only Time, Faith, and a little luck will make things better"

[richardcruz]

Your posts are a huge help guys! Your right Thursday. If she does call, it will probably be when I least expect it. It guess it won't help to wait around for her call. I just feel weird that we had set that date up to meet and she never called me to say if we were still on for it or not. Since she didn't call me back since our last conversation, I didn't feel the need to call her and remind her, as i'm sure she remebered. I figure if she really wanted to go wouldn't she have called me back? Anyways for the past months, I had really been initiating practically all contact. When a week would go by and I didn't hear from her, I would call her or txt her. Yeah, she would respond but briefly in txts or she would pick up my "once a week" call but we would speak briefly and then she would tell me that she had to go and that she would call me back, which she really never did. Sometimes I start doubting myself and wondering if I should have called her to tell her if we were still on to hang out but then again shouldn't she have called me back? Why do I feel like i'm trying to raise the dead. I feel like if I don't contact her, she would never call me. I mean, this is the longest period of time that we haven't talked and thats because I have been NC for these 2 weeks!!

[Guest]

Richard, She will most likely call you 100% gauranteed, just give it time and she'll call you. And think of it as this, it's her loss, shes going to feel the guilt at the end of the tunnel when she really misses you and wants you back. Best of luck mate and just hang in there.

[MrPot]

Richard, I mean nothing offensive by this: but, have you always been so pathetic?

 

Is there a chance that the man she fell in love with changed over time? Perhaps you became too comfortable, too agreeable, too spineless?

 

I've been through something like this - and very recently - and one thing is for sure: The kind of man that would cry for days or weeks and call his ex and/or beg is not the kind of man that attracts a woman, and thank goodness for that.

 

If you want to get your ex back, the best thing to do is to act like the breakup was your idea. Never initiate contact. If they do, don't answer half the time. let them get your voice mail.

 

You have to be a challenge.

[richardcruz]

Mr Pot,

 

No offense taken. I guess when someone that you really love changes on you over night, it kind of f**ks with your head. I never thought that i would be as spineless as I had become as soon as she left me. I don't know why it took me so long to finally understand that she just didn't want to talk to me anymore. You start thinking to yourself there is no way she could have said the things she did prior to the break up and now be so cold. Its like you persistetly call her to try to find the right words to tell her hoping that something you'll say will spark something in her and things will go back to the way they were. Of course, now I know that it doesn't work like that. I even started to blame myself for everything that happened that resulted in our breakup, yet I wasn't the one that started talking to someone else. Now it kind of angers me that she tried to reverse everything and blame me for most of it. She was very nonapologetic for what she did.

[lebowski24]

Amen to that last post, richardcruz. I did the same thing (started blaming myself for things) and even appologized to her for everything. But now when I think about things, my ex was the one who would act like a b!tch even when I was trying to be more romantic, do more for her, etc.

 

Regardless, I've been having a ton of trouble the last couple days with NC (it's been 2 weeks for me now). I've had a ton of good things going on lately... been getting back in shape, feeling much healthier and less tired when I get off work so I've been going out and doing a lot of fun stuff, and also got offered an awesome new job. It's killing me so much to not be able to go tell her about my new job (we both used to complain to each other so much about our jobs, and it drained us both physically and emotionally).

 

My mind keeps telling me to stick with NC and keep trying to get over her, but my heart is pulling me in the other direction to just go tell her about how well things have been going for me and see if maybe it's time to try things again. But I know that if I call or go over to her place, I'm just going to get shot down and have to start all over again.

[KNE10]

They will not apologise although they know they hurt us. They try to find ways to justify what they did so that they feel better. A friend of mine bumped onto my ex today. He told me she looked very happy, ecstatic actually. I guess the NC helped! She is hitting it off with this new guy and she is absolutely happy. She has moved on and i don't think she is gives a damn about me. I should be doing the same thing and so should you.

 

I felt miserable after this conversation with my friend. I can't stand the fact that she is so happy without me. But i need to find the strength to fix my life and be happy again. There is no point for me to be miserable and her to enjoy her life. If she is not feeling bad about what happened why should I? I was blaming myself, but i need to stop doing that. My ex will never contact me. It will just remind her of her guilt.

 

This is not a game of blaming. There are some cold facts that we need to digest and move on. I have some other problems in my life (work environment) that just don't let me to relax and take my time. I definitely need to find the strength to get my life back on track.

[richardcruz]

If she is not feeling bad about what happened why should I? I was blaming myself, but i need to stop doing that. My ex will never contact me. It will just remind her of her guilt.

 

Thanks Lebowski and KNE for your posts! I feel the same way. Some people on this forum seem to have some hope that there ex one day will call them back and thats great, but I know that my ex will never call me back, because she screwed up badly and I had to find out everything on my own. She promised me over and over that she was being honest and time and time again, I would find out that she was lying. She even told me that all her friends told her that she looked happier after leaving me. She also has told me that we could probably never make things work because of everything that had happended between us (really meaning that she messed up our relationship badly). I guess thats what makes things harder for me because I know that she will never contact me again and I will never hear from hear. From this last time I started NC, I went into it knowing I would never hear from her again. Maybe this is good thing but it sure doesn't feel like it right now, as the days just seem to drag on more and more. I always wonder what she is doing. I guess I shouldn't think that because I know she isn't thinking about me. I feel like crap!

[Guest]

Hi Richard,

 

I'm going through the same exact thing that you are going through. My ex have been over 2 months already. He contacted me after a month of me not begging him back I came to the conclusion that he didn't want me back anymore so I left him alone. All of a sudden after a month he calls me we was 1 and a half ago. I asked him out to dinner and he said yes. But I have not heard from him anymore. He probably thought I was going to ask him back but I wasn't I decided to leave him alone. Now I'm wonderign what is up with him and why he has not called to set up a date. I'm feeling like you as if he stood me up. But to be honest I'm okay, I guess i was in denial thinking that it was possible for us to get back together but now I know it won't happen. Maybe he just wanted to see how I'm doing. Who knows what can happen later but it's all about "TIME" you'll start feeling better and better. Keep staying busy and you'll be just fine. I know how you feel it's the loneliness that hurts more. All I can tell you is to not call her and leave it the way it is. If she truly loves you then she will come back If not then she was never for you. Take this experience as a life lesson. Now cheer up and be happy with what you have, there are people in worse situations than you and me. TAKE A DEEP BREAT AND RELAX RICHARD!!! HAHAHA!!

[richardcruz]

Thanks for your post. Your right. I'm sure things could be alot worse. I hope that you too find the strength to pull through your situation even though at times it really hurts and feels like it is near impossible to forget about things. I feel weird because like I said I really did want to meet up with her and we had already scheduled the date but I called her earlier in the week and we spoke for a few minutes and then she tells me that she has to go and never calls me back. She even leaves town and doesn't even txt bye or something. So I take it as if she doesnt want to talk to me so why even bring up or scheduled day to meet. I'm I right? God knows I wanted to call her to remind her but wouldn't she have called me back? Is it best to leave it like that because the ball is in her court so its up to her to call back? Sometimes I start doubting myself and it frustrates the s**t out of me. I'm Still NC though. SOMEONE HELP!

[MacGyver]

Just be strong. Yes the ball is in her court. Leave it there too! Dont be running onto her side, grabbing the ball and throwing it at her again. Just leave it there and hope she replies.

 

Dont call, dont txt, dont nothing. Go do something else in the mean time.

 

Here is a BAD but true way of putting it;

 

"If you pick a scab, it will never heal"

[Guest]

About the meet up, since you guys are already seperated, why bother to see her? It's not gonna do any good unless she's the one that initate the calls and meet up. It won't do anything, you jus goin back to square one.

 

keep NC... i know it sounds hard, but you will feel better eventually. My story is similar to yours and it's second week of NC too! I was the guy who beg and do all kind of stupid crap n try to get her back, only did it push her even further away. Days after we broke up, she started hanging out wiht this guy when we were trying to be "friends", we were still doin wut a couples do dats why i quote it. I even saw his car at her house one nite and i confronted her right there. All she did was to tell me to leave. 2 days later, she called but i didn't pick up (more than 7times). I realized i had nothin to say but to think she's the one that missed out and that i am the great guy.

 

then a week later, she called n left a message saying she wants to pick up her belongings (i don't see that important at all, it's jus a shirt and a hair strightener).. so i am goin to leave it outside n have her pick it up herself.

 

Honestly, that is not what i wanted to do, but i don't have a choice, i got to prove her i can live w/o her, i can be happy w/o her and that she missed out.

 

And thats what you have to do. You see, once u stop talking to her, she will think "why doesn't he call me". she will end up calling u back and wonder maybe she did something wrong. it's not a game, but that's how our mind work.

 

and don't show her that you are weak n can't live w/o her. She will take advantage of it. Good luck

[MrPot]

Mr Pot,

Its like you persistetly call her to try to find the right words to tell her hoping that something you'll say will spark something in her and things will go back to the way they were.

I know exactly what you mean. I got dumped about 6 or 7 weeks ago, and for the first two weeks I was in this state. I now look back on that time and realize how pathetic I was being. I realize that I probably could have got her back, or at least have gotten through the situation much easier, if I had just followed the general advice of this board right away. Instead of crying and begging and saying I'd change, I should have agreed with her and just walked away.

 

I'm now happy that this happened, actually, as I knew for a long time that she wasn't right for me.

 

One thing I know for sure, Richard, is that you don't want a girl back who would lie to you over and over again.

 

And about meeting to talk to her - DON'T do it. NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. If she contacts you about it, tell her you're busy.

 

If you really want her back, the only way you're probably ever going to do it is by rejecting her. You shouldn't want her back because of what she's done to you, but if you reject her and move on the power and the pride will be back on your side.

[richardcruz]

You guys are right. NC does mean NC. Anyways, as McGyver verified, the ball is in her court. It just hurts really bad when you lose someone you have grown so attached to and even started planning your future with that person in mind. It feels like that whole part of my life was a nightmare because it had such a horrible ending. I'm almost trying to handle this whole thing similiar to death of a loved one, in the sense that I don't expect her to ever return. I guess I just have to get used of the whole being alone thing for now. Its a hard transition to make from going to having someone you share everything with to understanding that your fromer wants nothing to do with you. Even though its hard, I will stay NC because Im just tired of being treated like crap when it was really her that screwed up. Maybe If I would have taken a stand earlier, things would have been different or at least she would've realized that she made a really bad mistake, but instead I folded and told her that we could still fix things despite what she had done, which in turn made me look like her floormat. The one thought that I think about the most and keeps me up at times at night is "How could she have done this to me?" Its hard to let things go

[MacGyver]

"How could she have done this to me?"

 

People sometimes just grow apart, feelings change. I know what you mean by the quote above, but you have to remember that sometimes relationships just dont work out. She didnt "do it to you" but more so for herself. Either she is upset, lost interest, wanting change, what ever it may be, who knows...

 

Yes i know you feel like the victim of a bad crime, but dont take it to heart!

 

Stay NC, leave the ball alone and keep yourself busy and try move on in the mean time.

 

You never know when that ball might smack you in the back of your head!

[richardcruz]

Hello Everyone,

 

This is the 18th day of NC and I feel like I can't do this anymore. I feel like my ex has completely forgotten all about me and it seems that I was correct about feeling like she would never calling me again. Every since I stopped initiating everything (calls, txts, emails etc.), she has not contacted me in any way. I have been hanging with my friends and going out but that has just given me temorary relief. It hurts so bad to think that she doesn't love me after all we had been through. I decided to go NC immediately after realizing that I was that was making the contact all the time. She also was really treating me like crap and telling me that she would return my calls but she would never call me back. The first week of NC was easy because I was upset at her for doing those things to me. Now I feel so much worse going into my third week and I feell like I did her the biggest favor by not calling her anymore. She is probably happier now that I am out of the equation. The deeper I go with NC, the more I realize that it is finally over, and the more I feel like I've lost my heart only to be replaced with pain. I met someone this week at a sports bar and she gave me her number, so I called her a few days later and left a message on her voiemail which was never returned. Yeah I know sometimes women that you meet at clubs n bars will do this kind of thing, but this is the last thing I need right now because I feel like my self-esteem is still suffering from my break up and it makes me feel like I will never be happy with anyone again. Basically, I feel like s**t and I feel like each day is worse than the day before. I imagine my ex being with someone and it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know what contacting her would do to improve the situation but I feel like she is forgetting about me more and more as the weeks go by. I didn't really sleep much last night because I stayed up thinking and I woke up feeling really depressed. I really didn't feel like going to work and I just felt like shutting my eyes closed and sleeping to forget about everything. Sometimes I wish I would have never met her. She hurt me more than any woman has because I truly trusted her with my heart. I feel like I'm coming of some kind of addiction. Any words of encouragement to continue NC or any feedback is appreciated. Thank you all for taking the time to read my rambling

[lebowski24]

richardcruz, I'm just barely ahead of you in NC time (I've got exactly 3 weeks going here) and all I can say is this... it will get better, as long as you help it get better. Work out a lot, call your friends and convince them to go out and have fun every night if you have to. If you feel the urge to call her, go for a long walk or run. This has been helping me so much. In fact, I ran into my ex twice this weekend randomly, and yeah it sucked, but I just said "hi" and kept walking. 30 minutes later it wasn't even bothering me much because I've been focusing on making my life better for myself instead of making it better for her.

[morphius]

The deeper I go with NC, the more I realize that it is finally over, and the more I feel like I've lost my heart only to be replaced with pain.

 

Rich,

 

In one way this is a good thing!

 

The first step in the healing process IMO is "realisation" Damn it hurts, but it has to happen at some point. Only when we fully realise and believe that they aint coming back are we able to really start healing and begin to move on.

 

Sorry your having such a rough time with NC, but lots of us are. I am on day 11 and feel pretty much the same as you,

 

The pain will subside, it is only temporary, I promise.

 

Stay strong.

 

Morph