vichygrl Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Hello All, Here is my situation, almost 5 years ago I met a man and we started a relationship. I was reluctant at first, you see he was "divorced" and had four children by his "ex". However, I got over this initial fear and we began dating. I met his children and his ex. His ex and the kids lived 3 1/2 hours away from where he and I were residing at the time, so he would drive to visit his children and occasionally I would join him. After it was clear that we were falling in love in proceeded to tell me that his divorce was never finalized and he was still married. Mind you, he and his wife had been living separately for 4 1/2 years. It became clear after this admission, that he was having guilty feelings about living so far from his children, so we decided to move closer to them. Well within a few weeks it went from "our moving" to his moving back to his wife and children without me. I of course was heartbroken and betrayed, but refused to stand in the way of four little girls having there father. So I relented and he recommitted himself to his family. Then I found out I was pregnant. This just added to my devastation of course, seeing as how he and I had wanted to have a child together. So I told him and we decided to keep our baby, but that he would stay with his wife. He realized that he had made too hasty decision in returning to his marriage, but he has been there ever since. In the last two years he has attempted to get the nerve to leave, but alwys relents at the last second. We have struggled to raise our daughter from a distance together. He has been as devoted to her and my welfare as he can be with a whole other family to support. We have maintained a close relationship, but haven't been together intimately since our daughter was conceived. My dilemma is that every few months he starts itching to get out of his marriage, so he can be with me and my daughter. He tells me he wants me and that he is going crazy. We haven't started an affair, because this isn't an option, we know it is all or nothing. I am also in a relationship with someone and I don't want to hurt this person. I don't know how to help daughters father, so he will help himself. He seems totally incapable of living with the truth of what he wants. I love him very much...any advice on how I can help him along?
Outcast Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 You can't grow a man's spine or gonads for him, unfortunately. Ther'es no real reason he can't live with you and have his kids come visit other than he doesn't *really* want to. People do things they really want to do - they find ways to manage whatver obstacles there are. He can't be bothered to do so. I'd find myself another guy if I were you.
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