Buttaflyy Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Thank you Buttaflyy! It's always comforting to know you are not alone in a feeling or experience. I'm trying to not do things the hard way and learn from other people's experiences. It's hard when you love someone so much and they deceive you. To me... it was a HUGE lie... and in fact, there was no reason for it and talking it out here has made me realize that I do think I can get over it. I can forgive him... but that doesn't mean I can be with him.... I understand, and I think forgivness is important for you and your own healing. It was the worst breakup ever for me. I loved this man sooo much. But I knew I couldn't live with the fact that he had a child with someone else while we were separated, and most importantly lied to me (or kept it from me for almost a year). He lied about the terms of their relationship as well. He said she was a one night stand, but for me that was the end of it for us. The fact that he obviously had unprotected sex with some woman that he claims to have hardly known. My morals are different than his. He thought that would keep me with him, but it sickened me more. He constantly told me that I had no grounds for leaving him because we weren't together when the child was concieved. True, he hadn't cheated on me, but he'd done something that IMO was just as bad or worst! Now there's an innocent child out there and where did my part play in all of it? I decided in the end, through all of my suffering that I wouldn't be involved. I can look back and remember the hurt and pain that I once felt. Thinking it would never end. Not being able at the time to see a day where I'd see light at the end of my dark tunnel. But now! Wow! I can look back at it all as just an experience. It will get better for you. You have your beleifs. Honor them. You never need validation from anyone concerning them. You just have to be with someone who believes in them and respects them as you do. I, myself, as I said before, have a child out of wedlock. I'm with a man now who accepts that. If you choose not to be with someone in this situation. It's your perrogative. Don't let anyone take your choices from you.
BUTAFLY Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 This dude I know pulled that same thing on his girl. They were engaged got married, stayed married for 4 yrs then one day a women comes to the door and says you husbands behind on his child support. the wife was like um you got the wrong house. The women informed her she was a former gf who he was sleeping with during their engagement and through the first yr of their marriage. the child was 3yrs they had been together for 5. Ooops Cats out the bag buddy. jerk. How long do men think they can hide a person? I mean come on- get ride of this dude.
Guest Posted July 17, 2006 Posted July 17, 2006 I haven't read everything what was written above, so maybe I'm rewriting something that has been said before, but just want to share you may opinion: If someone you trusted has broken your trust like your bf did, it becomes very difficult afterwards to trust him fully again. Even if you love him with all your heart, there will always be some little voice whispering in your ears 'is this true what he says'. Especially the fact that he made it something minor while it indeed is something huge, causes me to doubt if you would get through with it... If you want to try it, I think talk and talk and talk and talk about it... untill you feel you can deal with it (not untill he feels he's sick of it). Good luck
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