Bazeballfreak011 Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 It's kinda been a rough last month or so to me. My girlfriend of over two years broke up with me to find herself because she felt she had lost her own identity after us dating so long. She told me I should do the same, and one day, she said a couple of months, we could reconsile and date again because she really did love me and she knew I felt the same about her. She also told me she planned to be single, because she really wanted to find herself, and asked I do the same. I know after two years, I shoulda had faith in that we would work out because we both loved each other with all our hearts, but I didn't. I guess it drove her away when she realized it. She's now dating some other guy. So much for finding herself I guess. I asked why she had done this. Her answer, "You had been losing faith way to fast and this new guy I'm dating is always living for the day. Me and you were always about definite plans and future things." That was a low blow to hear the girl I loved and did everything for, now happy with another. I've been trying to keep busy, making plans, going out. IDK, just seems like all my plans just fall thru and I wind up sitting at home, crying and being upset because my ex is out having the time of her life. I guess you could call it "making up for lost time" for the last two years. She even had an away message up last night saying "going out, what I shoulda been doing the last two year of my life." I feel like im destined to be alone the rest of my life with how things are going. I had put up an away message myself the other nigth that I guess caught her attention. I was something about regrets in my life. She asked me several times if she was a regret now. I didn't respond because, honestly, I dont know what she is to me now. I love her, but I hate for doing this. I want her back but after everything, I dont know if I could. Then I met this new girl at work. She really pretty, really nice, just all around a great girl. We hung out one night, and we really hit it off. We even wound up kissing and cuddling. We had a serious talk about stuff the next day, telling each other how we really didnt want a seriously relationship. Just wanted to have a good time. No i dont mean like just sex buddies or w/e. Well I guess I misunderstood what she really meant. I suggested maybe just seeing each other. Last night pretty much set me straight. She bluntly told me she want absolutely no string attached. She just wanted to go out and have a good time with her friends. So much for that lil bit of faith I had left. My mom had suggested to me to go get counseling, because shes worried about me. She thinks I have depression. I'm starting to believe so too. I need help badly, if anyone can give me advice or help me out with whatever, at this stage, I'll just about take any advice I can get. Sorry for the life story. It just a lot going on.
Jonny Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Hey man, no worries. I've been having a rough month or so as well, and I even had to fly across an ocean to find out that she'd been cheating on me! Yeah, my girl'd been studying in Europe for a year and we planned about four months ago that I'd come to see her just before she came home. When I got there, I sorta figured out that she'd been seeing with another guy for awhile, and now that she's home she's still pining for this guy. Is there much I can do? Not really. Do I still want her back? Sounds crazy, but yeah, I really do. Love makes us do crazy things, but I think the important thing is to use our heads right now; if you wouldn't try walking on a broken leg, why try following a broken heart?
tearsandfears Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Bazeball and Jonny I feel you both man I was in the same basic goodguy gets dumped on for 5 years. Jonny I admire your truthfulness that you want your ex back, I want mine back 2 but I know it's not gonna happen. See my thread believe me. Bazeball I think every respectful guy goes through what your going through. It's a new world let's face it women are very independent financially now and they pretty do what they want,when they want and to whom they want. My Bro went through a long marriage that ended in divorce he finally told me this "I tried to please her and give her what she wants and one day I woke and said to myself give her what she wants? She doesn't even know what she wants. " Now here's the bright side of things. You have to seriously and realistically remind yourself that there are women in this world that would break down doors to have a man like you. I'm not talking about a girl who has a thing for badboys I"m talking a emotionally mature woman who wants to be with a mature man. Given that I say don't put up with women who rag you around find a girl who treats you right. If your looking for a relationship then find a girl who wants a relationship. They are out there but you have to be willing to face setbacks and some hurt to find her. I think it all boils down to you having faith that in the end things will work out which in all reality boils down to having a healthy self-esteem.
Author Bazeballfreak011 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 Thanx for the advice. She was my first true love and Im just having a really hard time shaking her. Today i almost broke down at work because everything was reminding me of her. The first table I waited on was a teacher that worked at my old hs that she would always complain was such a jerk. Then, right before I left I was cleanin up my tables and I overheard these two girls talking about a friend. And of course, her name had to be the same as my ex. Not to mention, the cooks like to listen to country in the abck and its like depressing song night i guess cuz every "she left me" and "cant sleep at night since you left" song came on. I barely made it to my car after work before I just like broke down into tears. I wish it was easy to accept the fact that she ddnt think it was working out and just move on. you think someone telling you that would give you enough closure to just be like ok, its done, move on. i just cant shake the memories of how she was picking out a wedding date a week befor this break up. We were supposed to go to NY together for christmas. After she was done with the dental hygiene program at a college by us, we would move to tampa together so I could go to USF and go to med school and all that. Kinda just all flew out the window i guess.
MacGyver Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 All i can say is time heals all wounds. Be strong bud, it will over sooner than you expect it.
daphne Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Good post tears. So much truth in it too. I say let the bad boys and the girls who want them hang out and torture each other. Baseball, Sorry to hear you're in such a rough spot. I think it might be helpful for you to see someone to talk to. The forum alone isn't going to support you like you need right now. I will say, however, that you will get through this. It does get better. You will meet someone else. She will probably be better for you and you'll forget your ex. That last part, I promise you. You will forget your ex. But in the meantime, get some counseling. It'll help you feel better. And don't put off your plans. If you want to go to med school, just do it. Maybe you need a new goal and focus to get her off your mind. There is no better revenge than living well and if you end up a doctor somewhere with a beautiful trophy wife, your ex will eat her heart out.
sickkitty Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 im going though the exact same thing, i only went out with my boyfriend for a year but it seemed alot longer, he stole my heart made me think i was so special complimented me everyday told me i was the best thing since sliced bread. Then 2 weeks ago he wants 2 break up because he wants 2 sort his life out and i was a disraction, only 2 find out a week (yep only 1 week) he was round a girls house that fancies him!! he swears blind nothing is going on but all the evidence is clear as day, no he is saying well we arnt seeing easch other any more so he can date any one he wants. than has hurt more than ant thing in this world its like getting kicked in the teeth, im so deppressed all that goes through my head is hes telling her what he told me, im also seeking councling as i am now suffering from anxity because im so mad and angry, i tell u what though guys u get over them much quicker if ur mad at them believe me. its only been 2 weeks 4 me but this morning i woke up feeling more positive. Believe in ur self, if u dont no one else will xx Amanda xx
Jonny Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 I think that what's really gotten me through my experience so far, is remembering that I was really very happy before I even met her, that I'm a complete person and that I lived without a 'better half' for several years beforehand. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that, but I know it's true. Some days are easier than others, of course, and naturally I was livid with her, but I remember what happened during my last, ugly, one-sided breakup. I just let everything go; revenge, jealousy, anger, bitterness, frustration, and enough sadness to last for years. I let her go; why would I want to be with someone who did not want me? If I'm going to be on the other side of goodbye, I might as well let go of every feeling associated with it. I know it's crazy to still want her back after everything she's done and I'm still on the fence about whether or not I could actually give her a chance, but I know that if I don't go down without a fight - a fight for 'us,' or a fight to keep myself sane - I'll never be at peace. Right now I've just disconnected from her - no blog, no IM, no phone calls or SMS, that kind of thing, and honestly I've started feeling better about myself. Nothing noticeable, really, but I think that over time it'll get easier.
sickkitty Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 so true, and life does go on so they say. i am going through the anger and bitterness stage now which in 1 way is good because i dont cry as much lol instead i think of bottling the pair of them. what makes it worse is the both live about 15mins from my house and the girl works at my local bar so i cant get away!! the worst thing about my situation is he still denies seeing her so im constantly confussed weather he is or not which toys with my emations greatly (so much for honesty) Amanda x
Author Bazeballfreak011 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 Well last night was kinda ok for me. Like I managed to fall asleep fairly easily. Staying asleep was the hard part. Idr if i mentioned, but my ex is currently seeing someone else. Well the night before I had a dream about us getting back together, last nights dream couldn't be any different. This one was about them being intimate together and s***. I just couldnt handle it. I woke up histerical. I could never imagine her being intimate with anyone other than me. We were each other firsts, not just sex but loves as well. It couldn't have hurt more than it did last night. They'd only been together for two weeks or so, so i dont think they would have done anything liek that, cuz shes never been a girl to just give in to that, that early. Just dont feel as comfortable without her like I did in February when we broke up the first time. She randomly came to me and promised me that she wouldn't be intimate with anyone because she still loved me and still felt we'd be together again. This time no promise and no reassurance that there was a future for us. I really love her and just want her back in my life. I know it sounds pathetic but I just love her. I'm crying now saying this stuff and thinkin about it. It didn't help when someone told me its easier to have sex a second time around becuase its not really as special as your first time with ur first partner. I wanted to die right there when I heard that. I've really been thinkin about seeing a counselor, Idk what else to do. I can't stop thinking about her, I can't stop wanting to talk to her, I'm just so stuck on her. If it isn't true love, why am I so attached? I thought she used to feel the same way.
sickkitty Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 love does such crazy things 2 u babes, im going thriugh the exact same thing i wanna call him every second txt him all the time but i no i cant. i bady want him back but i no that will never happen. i think iv stopped crying for 2 days in 2 weeks and it is so hard 2 talk 2 ppl. he doesnt understand the way i feel!! he was my first love and my second bf, so this is extreamly hard, and knowing some one could do something like that 2 u when their spos to love u as much as u love them hurts more than any thing in the world. im seeing some one about my situation later this week and i think it will help me theres only so many times u can tell ur friends the same old stories. i also no it takes time but it sux bing human Amanda x
Jonny Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Holy crap is it ever hard, especially today, but all cliches aside, I'm just taking things one day at a time. No crying, no remembering, no dwelling on how I still think she's beautiful and we'd make a great match, or how she took me for granted, or how she betrayed me and enjoyed every minute of it. She is not worth my time, and I'm sick of wasting my tears and thoughts and energy on her. Shame on me for kissing her with my eyes closed so tight, but I wouldn't have known otherwise.
tearsandfears Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Bazeball I hear you about the first love thing it's always difficult because it's unknown territory. I'm 32 and I'm getting over my first love "sexual experience" so I can imagine how difficult it is for you because it's difficult for me and I"m in my early thirties. The dreaming about my ex is a pain because it's random and it usually foretells a difficult day to come. Though it seems like it's something bad I think it's really one way that the mind releases pent up emotions and it's actually a way of healing. The dreams will subside over time. It's been 4 months since we last talked, 1 month since one nasty reply in Instant Messenger and the dreams are down to 2 a week. I'd suppose the one thing I've learned about first love breaKups is that it's a bittersweet milestone, in a way sorta of rite of passage in life. I avoided this rite for roughly 4 years trying to put the pieces back together even if the crisis wasn't my fault in the slightest. I agree with others that if you feeling really bad Bazeball first I'd talk to a close realitive or friend someone you wouldn't be ashamed to cry 2. I was very prideful and I ended up crying to my mother . I guess it's not the first time she's had this happen since I have 3 older brothers and 4 oldersisters. Anyways I felt better. Sometimes I cry a bit still but don't waste your tears just cry if you really need 2...I think you'll know when you really need 2. In closing I'd say the most important thing that I've learned about healing process is that it is not linear A-B-C type thing. Some days you'll be fine and other days will really suck. The bad days will outnumber the good but over time the good days will win out. Keep your life moving forward, if you want to go to Med School go. Carry On Baze.
Author Bazeballfreak011 Posted July 13, 2006 Author Posted July 13, 2006 yesterday, I couldn't put a spin on things with my problem. We kinda got into a little quarrel about things being over and all that. I texted her after and was like so was that it? She texted me like 1/2 hr later saying I thought thats what we decided. So I text her back with good job sarah. She returns a text with, lemme guess, I f***ed up again by saying something. I replied, You thought we already decided it was over? Good job. So shes like sorry, I just thought thats what we both said. So i texed her back saying, congrats, it is now. Thank yourself for that. Let it bother you or dont, dont care anymore. I wont be easy to replace, just remember that. That was about 415 pm yesterday, never received a text after that. She has sent my texts that I've never gotten before. I'm curious what she had to say to that or think. Should I even care? I felt really good last night because I stood up for myself for one of the first times in our relationship. Not to mention I had a few people tell me I'm like the perfect guy that Ideally every good wants, and that I deserve a mature girl that will treat me like I deserve. It was like 3-4 people that told me that too. Then this morning, I woke up, and almost started to cry. I just felt so alone and so depressed that I have nothing. No one to come home to call after I got off work and had a long day and needed to talk to the person I love. No girlfriend to make everything better. She left me, then started seeing another guy. i started doubting if she did love me and how could she and do that? So many things ran thru my head. Still are
tearsandfears Posted July 13, 2006 Posted July 13, 2006 Baze first thing you gotta do is Follow the no contact rule. I know it's tough as hell but calling her will not make you feel better. You might feel ok that day but the next day your gonna be a mess. I can understand it's especially hard for you not having a female to talk to after work. I'm lucky I have a very good long distance female friend that I can spill my guts to almost everynight if needed. Honestly though even then it still hurts. You gotta just get everything out that reminds you of her. It'll be a bad day but it's the start of healing...I mean off the IM lists, put all her stuff away in a box including phone number...take her off your auto dial. This all seems so sad but just remind youself your moving forward. I have done all these things and I still cry like a baby somedays but I know that I'm doing the right thing for me. Do I wish to God she'd call? Hell yeah but I know most likely she won't. I'm not gonna lie to you Baze were pretty much in the same boat but you gotta have faith your gonna be better. Right now your at Midnight but you gotta start moving toward the dawn. Be confident that one day you'll look back on this and be able to smile at it all.
Author Bazeballfreak011 Posted July 14, 2006 Author Posted July 14, 2006 I kinda got into a bit of a rage when I found out she was dating someone else. I went thru all my drawers adn threw away every note. All pics of her and us went in a drawer. The stuffed tigger she got me has been in the abck of my closet. I told her today we could no longer be friends. I said, "I still love you and always have and will, it's just too hard to be friends, let alone while your dating someone else." Her reply was, "Dont say that to me, I dont want to hear that." I told her that hurt, that for the first time I said I loved her and she had another reply other than I love you too. She's like, "I didn't mean for that to come out like that. I'm just confused about you. One day were nice and friends. Then next we fight and u say you hate me or something. Now were talkin nicely but you say we cant be friends. You're just sending me so many mixed signals, Idk when to take you seriously." At that point I was so hurt that she had said she didnt wanna hear I love you, that I told her I just had to go. I guess this is where it all begins. The moving on process. I'm really confused about who I am now though. I've found myself starting to smoke and lying to my family. I barely eat because I'm a wreck. Whenever I go out and my mom will call, she will ask if I've been smoking. If I have, I lie and say no...If I haven't then I say no too. They constantly ask me what I ate that day because they know I haven't been eating much. Of course, I'd lie and said I ate a lot but in all reality I barely ate anything, if anything at all. I'm so confused right now. How could I be so wrapped up in a girl that this is totally destroying my life? She's out having a grand ol' time. I try to use that as my inspiration to tell her to f*ck off or for me to move on, but instead, it makes me depressed even more that I'm the one being totally affected. I really need help. If anyone has AIM that reads this, can you IM me at bazeballfreak011. I'm just looking for a lot of advice on being strong with NC and getting over her. At least on AIM I can continually talk to a person, here it takes some people a day or so to respond. Sorry if I seem needy right now. Just really needing some help and guidance.
Smung Posted July 14, 2006 Posted July 14, 2006 Hey Bazeballfreak011, Im sorry to hear the pain you must be feeling right now. I do have some advice though! I suggest two simple things that will improve your self-esteem and help you move forward. First, don't lie to anyone! If YOU want to smoke do it! You are a big boy and should not feel guilty for doing so. Also, not eating is a typical result of a break up. I lost alot of weight. I was also and am working out alot too.. so, it's expected. Second, I suggest you do a search on "No More Mr Nice Guy" I don't think the rules of the board allow for promotion of books but it's worth picking up. Stay strong... You WANT to stay on NC. Trust me it's the only hope you have to stay strong and move on! I like that you threw away the crap she gave you. No need to keep that stuff around! Stay strong brother!
Author Bazeballfreak011 Posted July 14, 2006 Author Posted July 14, 2006 Today, like I did almost every other day this last month, I cried. This time it was different tho. They weren't tears of sadness, but they werent the happiest either. I just kinda looked back at how things evolved between me and my ex. Before we dated and got to become good friends, she really liked me a lot. She woudl tell me about how she would get butterflies in her stomach so bad, even at jsut the thought that I might be behind her, coming to give her a hug. I was kind of an a**h***, I would blow her off and not give her the time of day. Until we started to get to konw each other. Then, she grew on me really fast. Liking turned to loving in no time. Now I guess I look at how things are. After two years, now I'm the one that is left in the dust, not given the time of day or anything. I told her last night we could be friends anymore becuase it was too hard for me. Especially being that she was seeing someone else. After we broke up, I would be the one getting butterflies everytime the phone rang (even if it turned out not being her, just the thought that it could be) and everytime she signed online. I fantasized about how she would turn around and maybe realize she made a mistake and tell me she wanted things back to how they were and how much she loved me. Well now everything is really gone. I guess we could all call it the end of the road. I guess I'm now the one loving someone that isn't interested. Life's just really funny I guess.
Jonny Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Well now everything is really gone. I guess we could all call it the end of the road. I guess I'm now the one loving someone that isn't interested. Life's just really funny I guess. Naaaaah, nothing's gone! Except for her, and right now it seems like she's everything, but there are a few fundamentals that one must remember: 1) You are still breathing. 2) The world is still spinning. See? I really know exactly how you're feeling right now, because I'm in the same boat, but just remember that you're a complete person and that you were just fine before you met her. You'll be apples soon; stay strong, buddy.
tearsandfears Posted July 15, 2006 Posted July 15, 2006 Hang in there Baze. Hope your getting out like you planned. Sounds like your healing.
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