confused4awhile Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Man has it been it long struggle. I want every one of you out there to read this and know that my prayers are with you. My story is a long one. I have been coming to this site for years off and on. For those interested in my story you may look at some previous threads. I've reread these recently and think OMG how pitiful. When you gain clarity in you situation you will also do the same in your own situations. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t65442/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t30165/ First off I want to thank all the wonderful people here that spent YEARS trying to get me to see what I could not. I have reread all of the comments and advice offered to me and it all seems so clear but until you gain this clarity for yourself NO ONE can help you. I entered therapy and am FINALLY free. But not before hitting rock bottom. All of those that remember me will remember that the man in question DID leave his other relationship for me but not before years of lying and deceit to us both. His emotional distance and lying took its toll, resentments built up and I left that relationship. I restarted a relationship with the "nice guy" and after 2 years of off and on with him I moved in with him thinking I was finally free ....sadly my ADDICTION (and be honest ladies and gents this is WHAT IT IS) took hold once again and I left that relationship to go back. A caring and healthly relationship was lost for this destructive force in my life. My "addiction" spared nothing at getting me back while living with the "nice guy" including going to family, friends, my boss in an effort to tell everyone how he'd changed about how the nice guy wasn't so nice and ETC ETC ETC... All to convince me to come back. He did it all and eventually suceeded!! I lost my resolve I questioned myself and went back. What you have to understand is these people are VERY good at getting what they want at any and all costs. They will align with your family- your friends and get into your head if you give them that much power. Once I had moved out under the illusion of this "change" in him and a brand new man and "that man is dead now" I found out that he had taken his ex g/f for a 2 week vacation to Florida 3 weeks before and had been having a "relationship" with her while. All the while claiming he had changed to me, and all those closest to me. Vowing his undying love and promising to do whatever it would take. WE were ALL taken for a ride by this man. Including the woman (his ex g/f) he went back to. He treated her like a piece of disguarded trash at the first sign of me coming back to him and dropped her like a hot rock with little to no explaination. I talked to her only to find out that they had been intimate a few times during our supposedly "exclusive" relationship and that during the time of his persuing me to come back he was telling her that they would work it out and took her to Florida for two weeks. She'd heard the same lines that "lies hurt more than the truth", "no more lies" and that "it was honesty from this point on" "we will work it out" "i'm sorry" "i'm a brand new man" "i've changed" and blah blah blah.... To make a very long sorted story short I went into therapy completly devastated once again by being betrayed. This man consistantly over and over won my trust only to betray it- tearing me apart little by little until there was nothing left. I ended up having a nervous break down and ended up in therapy. I have since made peace with his ex gf for my actions,(although I did not have any direct connection to her) I made peace with the nice guy, whom I might add is very supportive about my recovery from this addiction and understanding and has been a good friend. I have started making peace with myself and my daughter for the turmoil I put us both through and finally started building a relationship with Christ. Therapy and lots of reading and introverting have me on the road to recovery and I pray everyday for the strength to fight. Know that you will hurt, you will struggle, you will stumble, but to quote a favorite song of mine: ‘Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you’re made of You might bend ‘til you break ‘Cause it’s all you can take On your knees you look up Decide you’ve had enough You get mad, you get strong Wipe your hands, shake it off Then you stand I emplore you ALL to find that inner strength and take control of your lives and MAKE A STAND!!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!! God bless Good luck to you all
Author confused4awhile Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 OH and just incase you've read this and said "not me" or "i'd never let it get that far" or any other words of self denial you might come up with.... I said the same things to myself for the years i either read the horror stories here or got advice. your situation is not special or different. if you are in one of these relationships break free now before it destroys you!
Sami_D Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Ah yes... I've been there, done that, suffered the consequences and had 18 months of therapy to get my head in order too. The guy I was involved with wasn't M or in a R, but he was exactly the same kind of emotional manipulator that you have evidently been involved with. He rushed straight from being D to being involved with me, and as soon as he'd messed up my life he was after 2 other women. And you're right... if you can't spot the signs of this kind of person, it's very easy to get hooked right in. I would suggest all young women look up the Red Flags and warning signs of Narcissists, emotional abusers, and psychopaths. They're all over the place, they know how to 'sweet talk' and appear as very genuine, caring people... and guess what... not all of them are MM. Mine wasn't. Key in words 'Joe Smooth manipulator' into a search engine for a nice list of nasty warning signs.
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