jessssss Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 update on the bf who is on the west coast and i'm on teh east coast ... well i talked to him yesterday, trying to keep phone convos short...sucks but i think it's best. i wnat him to think about things before he returns. (the myspace chic) it's so hard on me not talking to him but i'm taking this week to reevaluate my relatinshiop, have some me time and just chill. it is lonely sometimes but i'm making myself do this. i've never done this in my life. i've always relied on someone and this week, i'm relying on myself. the toughest part i'm going through right now is the short convos i'm ahving with my bf...when eh is getting up, i'm eating lunch, when i'm leaving work, he's eating lunch, when i'm getting ready for bed he's leaving for supper, when he's back in his hotel room, i'm asleep. that makes it easier to not talk but it's hard to not text or just try calling through out the day on one of his smoke breaks, whenever those are. and along with the short convos i dont' know what he's doing after he is out of class and done with his 2hrs worth of homework...he told me that they were giving out more homework every night to cut down on teh partying...that can be a good thing! i dont' want him going out with all these chics and yankees (sorry) and getting wrapped up in it...but i know that sounds horrible and i haven't told him taht. that's just my inside thoughts...maybe i want him to be lonely like i am? trying to keep myself busy but it's hard. he knows what i'm doing and i haven't the slightest idea what he's doing. i guess this is the true test...the true trust test...if we can make it this week after all that has gone on and he not do anything wrong while he's there...i think i'll just know. kinda like i knew i needed to snoop through his email...just afeeling i got. by the way, the myspace girl, she sent him an email...he hasn't replied and that was a day ago...i hope he doesn't reply at all or if he does says he wants to drop contact with her. she is asking him to meet her next week for a drink. we'll see how this goes....i'm sitting back to see what he does...remember, he still doesn't know i know his passwords. anyone know how to knock the lonely bug down for a while...i still have 4 more days...anyone wanna go catch a drink? lol
Tony T Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Be careful reading his email. Even though you have his passwords, usually email shows up as "read" or ceases to be in boldface. If he sees his email has been read, he'll point the finger at you first thing. Best to totally delete it if you find that he will be able to detect it has been read.
typical Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 she is asking him to meet her next week for a drink. You see!! This was the major reason for keeping quiet about the whole thing and not tip him off that you had any clue about her at all......then you could see what he would do.... remember, he still doesn't know i know his passwords. Then how did you know they exchanged phone numbers??? It was in his myspace email, wasnt it?? He has got to know or at least have some sort of an idea... Jess, Let me ask you a question..... Lets say that he did indeed meet up with her for drinks.....would that be grounds for dumping him? And furthermore, how would you really know, because he already knows that you are vigilant with his myspace thing so he would be less inclined to chatter on that, and more inclined to use the phone number, which throws you out of the loop entirely. What if he shoots her down on the myspace thing, just to throw you off the trail, but calls her instead?
Author jessssss Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 well he doesn't have her number...she has his....she actually wrote him an email last night saying that the number he gave her didn't work. and she would just talk to him when he got back...this was via his email. i've been reading his email...they switched from myspace to email when he sent her a pic...so i can read it there and when i read it go back and mark it as unread. i'm being careful. you ask if he does go meet her, yeah...that will be it. i'm goign to watch his email from now on and check his phone when he gets home just to see...especially since she stated wednesday as a day to meet next week. so if he comes home late or has beer breath or whatever...he's out of the house. i can't let him lie to me again...thing is that is weird, is he never sought her out...he just replied...one thing i can't qui tthinking about. makes me feel like maybe he just got wrapped up in this skanky girl and just making a joke out of it. he hasn't said that to me but just my latest thougths, although, that'll change in the next 15 mins lol i don't think he'll do a fake shoot her down or anything like that...he doesn't know i have his email password...he can do a fake one on myspace but the real thing on email.
Author jessssss Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 oh and the way i brought everythign out is i told him he didn't signout of his email when he left sunday morning...he didn't question that. he is bad about that sometimes.
Stunner Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 I have been reading your posts lately...IMO, there are bigger issues here. I understand your fear and mistrust over this whole internet thing. You sound simply frantic over this whole situation...and now you sound absolutely desperate while he's gone. You remind me of myself several years ago...a codependant person who is absolutely scared to death to be alone. Have you considered reading up on some ways to become more comfortable with yourself? You may try doing that....do some internet research on the topic and see if you fit the profile. If things are meant to be with this guy they will work out. In the meantime you will liberate yourself from these overwhelming feelings if you take some time to get to know yourself better. I could be off my mark here but you sound completely miserable! Now, when I miss this new man in my life it is actually nice...it's more a feeling of anticipation rather than oppressive loneliness.
BaileyBear Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 You can update directly in your old thread. Especially since all of these threads are about the same exact thing.
Author jessssss Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 things are going better, i was just so overwhelmed with the feeling of alone, and since i haven't been in a while, i was most likely overreacting about that. i came to realization that i need to do thigns for me, have been, and am loving it! i've redone most of my house and organized and feel so rejuvinated it's unbelievable. i have talked to my bf maybe 20 minutes all together once a day. if that. i'm taking this time to reevaluate everything in my life and have been okay with it...does that make sense? i am actually enjoying the house to myself...doing what i want, having it clean, talking to my puppy. i've been scouting out thrift stores as i like to redo old things...haven't had any luck with that but just getting out there and doing it on my own with a purpose feels good. as for the email thing and my bf and the other girl...i'm still goign to watch his email and see whath appens. hopefully he'll put a stop to it when he gets back (no computer where he is staying) and if he doesn't, i will not stand for it. he's going out tonight for sushi with the whole 25 group he's with. knowing this lets say, sunday, would have put me on my ass with worrying and analyzing now i'm trying to let him do what he wants, enjoy himself, and look forward to him coming home. that's all i can do. if he's giogn to cheat or be dishonest, i can't stop that. i think this trip is a true test and we needed it in our relationship. i'll quit rambling now...
typical Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 well he doesn't have her number...she has his....she actually wrote him an email last night saying that the number he gave her didn't work. and she would just talk to him when he got back How did she even know that he was gone without speaking with him on the phone? she actually wrote him an email last night saying that the number he gave her didn't work Hrmmm....Sounds a little staged to me.... oh and the way i brought everythign out is i told him he didn't signout of his email when he left sunday morning...he didn't question that. he is bad about that sometimes At least not out loud....but in his head is a different matter.
Author jessssss Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 yeah, i'm sure he questioned how i could have done that with his email...but the point at hand is way larger than that. he was sweating that i saw everything. he cant' turn the blame on me and i won't let him. i wasn't the one talking to another dude! as far as you say it sounded staged...i doubt that. that's my gut feeling and i trust it. i don't think he'd try to flip everything around and make me think he was done with her and really not be. he thinks that i can't get into his email...remember that. also, he told her he was going to be gone, that's why the whole number issue came up with them was so they could talk whileh e was gone...well...i know they haven't been...saw his emails, that he cant' check, and i'm not supposed to be able to see.
Walk Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Did he give her the correct phone number? I'm kind of doubting the email myself... Especially if the number he gave her was correct. If you're calling him on the number, then why wouldn't it work for her? If you live in michigan I'll come hang out with you!! I think... if he really, honestly understands the level to which he screwed up and wants to change, then you two need to sit down and figure out "why" this happened. How to prevent it in the future. If you can't do that, then it's going to lead down the same path somewhere in the future. I don't know how well he keeps promises to you... my bf and I have a promise that if either of us even remotely desire to cheat (and I'd call what your bf did cheating) then we have to let the other person know, asap. Gives our partner first chance of correcting things, fixing the problem if possible. It all depends on how strong a promise is to your bf though. If he makes them all the time, or has broken them in the past, then probably won't hold much water. Just a suggestion... Don't listen to purspeed or baileybear... I like that you do the new thread. Easier to read. And those who don't know the full story can look up old posts from you. Otherwise you're thread would be far to long to wade through... Keep posting... And keep your chin up. You're strong, you'll make it through this!!!
Author jessssss Posted July 12, 2006 Author Posted July 12, 2006 i feel like i'm becoming a stronger person, whether or not anyone agrees with me. i've done a lot of thinking and am continuing to. thinking about me...thinking about what i want to do to make me happy. thinking about why he even replied to this girl. obviously something is wrong with our relationship for him to do that...although, thinking back we were diong great before i found the email...we had our fights but we were having great sex and i dotn' know...just would have thought we were on the right track. that is why part of me does think about maybe he just got wrapped up in it and she is a skanky whore who is too blunt for her own good...i dont' know. i do know i am going to have to trust him as much as i love him...if i dont' then things could be worse. i have trust issues just because of my past and have been working on it but i think i was hurting our relationship in a sense with my trust issues/insecurities/jealousy. when he gets home i am going to tell him i need to talk. find out WHY he even wrote her back and gave him her number and why he watned to see her naked and get an answer...i need to know. like you said walk, it'll lead down the same path again if we dont' figure out why. i'm going to have him make that promise with me, if he feels/urge to cheat he needs to come to me...and same goes for me. i hope it never gets to that point but the "rules" need to be layed out. as for starting a new thread, thought it'd be easier, if i hadn't someone would have told me to start a new one cause hte other was too long. blech. i'm staying strong...proud of myself actually. looking forward to going home, having a couple beers, playing with my doggies and painting! ahhhh
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